A couple of years ago, we moved back to the suburb I grew up in.
I struggled growing up here and I didn't know why at the time. I never really fitted in or was part of the various cliques.
It's a place where everybody knows everybody, one secondary school, most people stay here, marry somebody they went to school with and raise their kids here. There's a popular pub where everybody seems to go and stay from the age of 18.
It's a very insular place. I was bored here as a teen, I liked the music scene and pubs/clubs in the city, so when I went to college in a larger town, I spread my wings, met good friends and finally found my tribe.
My childhood suburb is not remotely diverse and most people's Facebook feeds are filled with anti vax, Brexit and This is England type posts.
I went off to uni and moved as soon as I could and lived in large cities and towns. I've had an interesting career, lots of different friend groups and I love city life and entertainment/culture, diversity.
We moved back a couple of years ago for family reasons and I really struggled with buying here. My children, at secondary, don't attend school round here, they still attend their big West Mids inner city schools, which are very diverse.
As I don't hang out with anybody from school and it's been 30 years since I lived here, I had managed to remain mostly anonymous and tried to treat my home as a 'base'.
When we moved, I also took a job a few miles away where a number of people from school work. Previously, I'd worked in a large city centre organisation. I am also finding the small, local workplace hard. I feel doubly trapped. The colleagues who went to school with me were posting news of my job on FB, that I joined the workplace, so I feel everybody knows my business again.
I am Facebook friends with a number of people from school. I don't post much on there, but now somebody is trying to organise a reunion. I can't defriend everybody, as I work with some. It's awkward.
I like the anonymity I had after leaving the suburb and for years after. I find this place hasn't changed in 30 years and I feel thrust back to the awkward teenager thanks to all the reunion photos and tags - everybody seems thrilled the reunion is happening.
I feel like I have nothing in common witb the old classmates. DH thought I was exaggerating, but we clicked on many profiles, which had Nigel Farrage re-posts, Covid conspiracy posts, casual racism, celebrating 'Freedom Day' in Jan 2020 etc. This appeared on profile after profile. I cannot relate to any of their posts and now realise that the 15 year old me, couldn't relate to it back then. I'd be at the bus stop as a teen, ready to meet my college friends in the city, and the yobs would taunt me for looking different.
It's really bringing me down, as I feel reeled back in, living in the place I grew up in, working up the road, and feeling like my old 15 year old misfit thanks to the reunion.
I think I'm going to have to move once the kids finish exam years. This is not good for my mental health.
Sorry for the sprawling post and name change, but am I alone in feeling such claustrophobia about where I grew up and how can I escape?