Anyone move to a totally different area with an 8 or a 6 year old?

[Rollypolly12345]

We’re due to move from our city to another place within the next month (if the sale goes through as planned!!!!).

Eight-year-old is ok about it, six-year-old is very upset about leaving the current school and all the current friends.

I’m really sad for them!

Anyone make this sort of move? How easy was it for your children to make new friends? Did it all work out ok? How can I get the six-year-old more excited about the move? (I’ve already promised a cat!)

DS was six when we moved. He never really settled at his new primary, he had a class of 20 boys and ten girls and they were boisterous boys, which he never was. With hindsight I should have researched more but he just went to the nearest school. We got through though and he wasn't unhappy and he did have friends. The move was good for him overall. Now he's at secondary and the school is far better than where he would have gone in our old area, extra curricular activities are more widely available locally and when it comes to the future there are better job prospects and it's easier to travel. It's also a safer place to live.

We moved from the Middle East back to the U.K. when dcs were 7 and 10. They had been back for a couple of months every summer, but had never lived anywhere else.

So the change was a major one, but TBH it didn’t take long for them to settle.
Likewise my folks moved over 100 miles when I was 9. The new school was a bit difficult at first, but I got over that fairly quickly.

In those days it was assumed that you just got on with it, no fuss.

I’m sure your dcs will be fine, but I’d advise not making a massive deal over it or coming across as anxious for them - even if you are. They will pick up on it and think there’s something to be anxious about. A fairly breezy, ‘A new place is exciting and interesting, isn’t it?’ is more the way to go IMO, even when making allowances for any natural enough trepidation when e.g. starting a new school.
At those ages a nice new lunchbox/school bag/pencil case etc. may help to sweeten the changes!

We are mid move with 8 and 10 Yr old. Have spoken to many who have done similar

I would not go down path of lots of bribery as that gives kids the clear impression that this is something you are not sure about either.

They need to get a calm message from you thst you are the adults and they can trust you. You can't control their sadness or feeling of loss you can just listen and accept and agree that it is sad.

They are very young and in truth once they are adults they will barely remember the time before moving. While their feelings are real now they are at the ideal age to move!

We moved UK to Aus with kids aged 4, 8 and 13. The 8yo was the only one who didn’t want to move despite us bringing them on a “raccie”” first. The big things that helped the 8yo were transporting everything he owned down to the last plastic toy soldier which presumably wouldn’t be an issue for your kids but was for our move, and we did promise he would have a house with a pool which we followed though on, a bit like you promising your child a cat 😊 What I would say is don’t let on that you are sad in any way, our move was a “no going back” unlike a lot of people who migrate so from day one we only spoke about the positives, how wonderful the move was and how lucky our kids were to be living in this great new place. Kids totally take their cue from their parents - if your kids think that you are happy with the move they will be too.

Thank you all! This is so useful. I have been trying not to show that I’m sad for younger DC, but I don’t know if she sees through it or not!

The move is very stressful as we’ve lost a few sales so far, lost the first house that we all loved etc. In that time, my 6-year-old has become attached to school in a way she wasn’t before (we’d have moved in early September if our first sale hadn’t collapsed - and, during covid, she wasn’t particularly bothered about her current school but now really loves it).

So I think the trouble is, as positive and excited as we’re trying to act (and we are - the new area has a lot to offer), the stress of the broken sales and wasted costs has possibly leaked out of me

Did you find that new children were welcomed into your DCs’ new schools? The city we live (the city that we’re moving away from) is very transient and new kids come and go constantly, and I think it’s hard for new kids to make friends here.

We have moved countries several times with DCs.

DS1 is now 11 and manages his relationships with friends from where we used to live via Minecraft and WhatsApp. It has been much harder on DD who is 7 because although we have done everything to make communication easy with her friend's, they don't have their own phones so calls have to be pre-planned which is hard.

For me, once the kids find their tribe (even if it is one person) things get much easier. I work very hard to facilitate friendships when we move, always agree to kids coming for playdates (even if I am exhausted) and work hard at socialising with other parents.

Ours have also changed language twice so that is an added complication you won't have to worry about.

On the school front, we have had an unbelievable experience in France. The school have been amazing and the children have been so kind and welcoming. It is a small village school and our kids are like celebrities with kids trying to speak English and learn things from them.

Just moved my ten and thirteen year old for second time in a year. Planned as we were renting in order to buy. Honestly they were and are fine. At your kids age it will be fine within a few weeks, they are so little. The youngest will barely remember the old area within a year or so.