Does being a Mum get easier?

[BritishDesiGirl]

Good Evening

I had my baby almost a year ago and I thought that I was finally becoming a mum after some difficulty in the beginning. Except, I now wish that I had died in childbirth as I can't deal with the constant '' take, take, take'' that I need to give to the baby. It is relentless right now as she is teething and not allowing me even 5 mins to do anything other than stay with her almost at all times.

I'm disgusted with myself that I am not normal like other women, who are more natural than me at motherhood. I am a teacher and expected to take to it naturally, not like this.

I daydream about running away or getting injured just so that I can get a break from my baby. What sort of a mother am I ? that I want to run away from my own child.

Today my mum told me that I had let myself go and that I need to lose weight, she is right because some days when I am stressed I end up eating bad foods rather than actual meals. Another thing to feel disgusted about.

My husband is supportive and always helps out when he is at home, but I feel so alone.

I'm sorry, this sounds like a ramble. I just wanted to rant and maybe get some advice and guidance

Thankyou for reading.

Yes it gets easier.

It sounds like you may have PND. I had it with my second and I remember the feelings like it was yesterday and what you are saying sounds so similar.

Forget the type of parent you thought you would be. It's true that only people without kids are perfect parents.

People are quite open about how hard parenting is but no one listens, everyone thinks it will be different for them. It's natures way of making sure people have babies I think.

My DC are 8 and 5 now and honestly they are amazing to be around. You will get there OP but you are in the thick of it just now.

Nothing new to say but agree you sound quite low. Please speak to your HV or GP. I found the first year incredibly tough and longed for my old boring life. I went back to work and stopped breastfeeding when my DC was about 13 months and it was wonderful. I felt free again, had a break from a baby and was me, instead of mummy

You will get there, it's so normal to feel this. Please chat to someone about how you feel. Oh and my mum would often make comments about my house being untidy. Very unhelpful.

You know on Facebook when people put
"1 whole year of loving you"
"Best year of my life"
I sit there like 🤨

I've got 2 girls and honestly only properly started bonding with DD1 at 12 months. She is hard work now at 18 months but so much fun. I enjoy spending time with her. DD2 is 3 months now and though I'm not 'enjoying' her I know she's going to turn into a little person soon and it's much easier than it was first time round.

I hate annoying people that say "Oh I LOVED every stage!!"

Whilst this may not help how you feel at least you know you're not abnormal.

Definitely worth seeing the GP about your dose and upping it or changing it. I have 4 dc and the youngest is 2.5 (3 in Late April) and today is the first day in a very long, long time that I have enjoyed being a Mum. I found the first 2 years very hard with all of them. I had PNA & PND with Dc3 and it was only diagnosed at 6 months, didn’t start to feel anywhere near better for another 12 months. Getting out definitely helped and still does, Children’s Centre groups are good if you have one, mine finally reopened properly and to the over 18months after Christmas and it’s been good for us both. Perfectly normal to feel like this, I wish people were more honest about it tbh.

My DD is very high maintenance. She needs a lot of me a lot of the time. And I find it exhausting.
Since I've been pregnant I've had no patience whatsoever with her. And for months I honestly felt like I had fallen out of love with her. Now I'm having glimmers of loving her again. And having more patience with her again. But I don't think this makes me a bad mum. Because I've still given her a lot of me and she's never gone without in this time. Chin up OP. It is peaks and valleys but you got to keep going.

I really felt that when you said you wished you’d died in childbirth - please speak to your GP as it could be Post Natal Depression. For what it’s worth we’ve all been there, there’s so many lows that come with motherhood and sometimes they outweigh the highs x

It definitely gets easier, my eldest is nearly 6 and an absolute delight most of the time. My second is 9 months and I'm on my knees most days with exhaustion! Don't be too hard on yourself 😊

U r super normal to feel this way and i will suggest a podcast Sleep like a baby- Hanna@little nest. Every time i listen to those makes me feel normal again haha i used to ( sometimes still do) think just like u especially in the first few months . In fact this morning out of frustration told my partner " why dont i just die?" But i know it was because of an angry moment. I think most mothers ( especially if u lack support) feel this way. I count the days until my mom comes overr to stay with him for a bit even if i m around or for my partner to be off . Ican see how it is gradually getting better but mines still little (9mo) so I still get frustrated a lot x we ll survivie itx hang in there