Anyone else hate their appearance so much that they don't want to get up?

[Overandout1]

I used to be pretty. I'm 35. I'm not sure what has happened in the last 5 years but I can't stand the way I look and I've realised it's a huge issue.

I can't look in the mirror. I hate it. When I do my make up I close the curtains so I can just about see and sit a metre away from the mirror. I can just about cope with my overall face but hate the lines around my mouth and under my eyes.

I've had under eye filler in the past which was ok but created bulges under my eyes, so I'm reluctant to get it done again. I get 'smokers' lines around my mouth when I talk (never smoked). I saw a very expensive and award winning Dr to ask about filler in these lines, he said lip filler would stretch it out but it didn't. It was a disaster and migrated below my lips and cause bulges. I've had some dissolved but now have uneven bulges and £300 down! I'm devastated.

There isnt anything practical I can do, I have prescribed cream to improve my skin quality and have started avoiding the sun.

I almost feel I shouldn't be seen because I look abnormal. My friend group are older than me and done have such bad under eye lines or lines around the mouth. I've tried expensive treatments but nothing helps.

Honestly it's all I think about going to sleep, I open my eyes and don't want to get out of bed because I hate how I look. I have stopped going out socially because I hate being looked at. I also can't make eye contact when talking to people because I hate my face being looked at. Maybe I need therapy but it's not going to change my face. Am I alone 😢

You need to talk to someone about how you feel. The obsessing over perceived ‘flaws’, the not wanting to get out of bed or go out, the not making eye contact. That’s way beyond a normal level of concern over your appearance.

Please try and get a GP appointment and explain how much impact these feelings are having on your life.

Maybe consider why you are so focused on appearance. I make a token effort every day but it doesn't dominate my thoughts (and imo I could look better!) Work, kids, house stuff, hobbies etc. do.

I agree with @whatscratch that your concern isn't normal - definitely make an appointment to discuss it as it is really affecting you. I bet no one else notices these perceived "flaws".

Agree with PP. You cannot fix this by addressing your appearance. You are going to age.

You have an extreme reaction to your appearance. TBH I am not sure a reputable cosmetic practitioner would take you on. At the clinic I visited you had to fill in a questionnaire which was clearly seeking to identify someone with your, well, psychological issues to how you perceive yourself.

At 50, I can assure you that you look WAY more youthful that I do, and I, like every other person older than you, live a normal life. ybeassu

The problem isn't your perceived lines but how you feel. I have lines around my mouth and eyes but couldn't care less. I use a cheap (less than a tenner) anti-wrinkle cream and that's it. I never think about it all. Its just what happens after 30 and sometimes even earlier. I think you need to see a counsellor who can help you with these thoughts. It sounds debilitating.

Thank you for all the replies. I know I'm largely Illogical, I mean I do hate how I look but I know how it rules my life is not normal. I don't judge others on their appearance and I know ageing and lines are a normal part of life.

I thinking getting treatments done has exacerbated these issues. I never focused on them as I never though they could be changed. I was never someone who would have any aesthetic treatments. However I decided to have Botox for a frown line and from here it was a downward spiral (although I'm very happy with the Botox).
I went for Botox and was being told about my poor skin quality and how I should get under eye filler. I went to another practitioner literally to ask for some filler in the lines around the mouth and ended up with lip filler which has gone completely wrong. Whilst there the Dr informed me I need filler in my cheeks, temples and chin...I really do NOT want a face full of filler. However I'm now wondering what is wrong with my chin and temples, cheeks .aybe I could have filler but I've not had any positive experiences with filler.

I can't even look at my phone when out in daylight in case I catch sight of my appearance, I hate photos.
I envy people who can happily smile. Half the time I don't want to smile because it'll exacerbate my lines.

I have noticed this has become a real issue, it's one thing not wanting to look in the mirror but dreading getting up or going out is extreme.

This is the fourth thread about hating appearance. Am I missing something? I just wake up and tell myself I am amazing and off I go. It might not be trie, but I am happy

There you go OP, simply stop having mental health issues. Dr. Whatwhywhenwhere has cracked it!

Op lines are beautiful. Happiness is infectious. Retinol is good for lines btw. I know it’s cliched but if you look at some of the unconventionally beautiful people out there- it’s their personality that makes them so. Don’t do fillers if you don’t want to.

It’s great that you recognise the issue. The next step is getting some help. Please talk to your GP. These feelings are really interfering with your life.

In the meantime, try to stay away from any ‘cosmetic practitioners’ and cut yourself off from looking at beauty or cosmetic sites or anything else that intensifies those feelings - magazines, Instagram, particular tv shows. With the way you are at the moment those things are like getting lemon juice or vinegar on a cut.

There was an article on body dysmorphic disorder in the Guardian this week:

www.theguardian.com/society/2022/jan/26/i-had-this-strong-feeling-that-my-face-was-disfigured-kitty-wallace-the-body-dysmorphic-sufferer-turned-campaigner

There's a BDD Foundation:

bddfoundation.org/

Be thankful you have your sight to see your laughter lines, thats how l look at it.
l don' t have an issue with how l look,.l embrace getting older , some of my friends and family sadly didn' t make it this far, so l am living the best life l can for them.

Honestly OP you need to talk to someone about this. This is not normal, but the problem is with your mind not your face - at 36 you are massively exaggerating the natural signs of aging you will have.

Talk to your GP about a referral or look for a service locally. And check out the guardian link above.

This is a serious mental health issue and you need to approach it as such. If you ignore it you could end up in a very very restricted place.

To be fair, @Whatwhywhenwhere has a point. I used to hate how I looked and couldn’t look in the mirror, but I made an effort to tell myself every day I looked good and stopped saying mean things to myself and over time it’s made a massive difference. I’m much more confident and don’t worry about my appearance at all any more.

This sounds like quite severe body dysmorphia, and I would definitely see your GP.

Agreed with a PP who said to stop making changes/seeing dermal filler doctors etc. You think you're treating the issue but you're actually making it worse by continuing to treat your face as a problem to be fixed, rather than your (I mean this kindly) very distorted self-image.

I went for Botox and was being told about my poor skin quality and how I should get under eye filler.

This is a sales tactic, not an accurate assessment. Like how the hairdresser will tell you "your hair's a bit dry, have you considered buying Olaplex? We sell it, I'll grab you a bottle when we're done" or the facial beautician will say "what your skin needs is this £75 serum we just happen to sell".

It's their job to tell you there's a problem, because they sell 'a solution'.

Thank you all for the help, I have had a look at the BDD page. It seems it is largely characterised by constant and obsessive checking of appearance in the mirror, I am the opposite and couldn't imagine anything worse than looking at myself! I would hide away if I could.

Also I do understand that I'm lucky. I've had my share of life trauma (childhood issues, bereavement, miscarriage, child born with health issues) like everyone and do appreciate I'm fortunate to have my health and beautiful children. I just wish I could feel like a normal person and not dread leaving the house and feeling that people must be looking at me thinking 'what is wrong with her face'.

I didn’t mention BDD specifically because that’s for a professional to diagnose but the description of the symptoms on the NHS website includes, ‘look at yourself in mirrors a lot or avoid mirrors altogether.’

You don’t have to be looking in the mirror all the time to be diagnosed with BDD. The fact is that thoughts and feelings about your appearance are impacting your wellbeing and happiness - you say it rules your life - and it’s undermining your confidence in yourself. The feeling of not being able to get out of bed and face the day may be depression which often goes hand in hand with these intrusive thoughts about your appearance. I recognise a lot of what you say you feel, because I’ve lived with the condition for most of my life.

Speaking to a GP or close friend about your feelings will help you to get on track to getting help. It can be helped and CBT is known to be particularly useful as a treatment and helping you to break free from these thinking patterns and get back to living your life.

I can recommend’The Broken Mirror: Understanding and Treating Body Dysmorphic Disorder’, by Katharine Phillips (2005). Anything by David Veale, who specialises in treating BDD is also very helpful.

@Overandout1

Thank you all for the help, I have had a look at the BDD page. It seems it is largely characterised by constant and obsessive checking of appearance in the mirror, I am the opposite and couldn't imagine anything worse than looking at myself! I would hide away if I could.

Also I do understand that I'm lucky. I've had my share of life trauma (childhood issues, bereavement, miscarriage, child born with health issues) like everyone and do appreciate I'm fortunate to have my health and beautiful children. I just wish I could feel like a normal person and not dread leaving the house and feeling that people must be looking at me thinking 'what is wrong with her face'.

From this article on body dysmorphia with what you've said... please go to your doctor, OP. There's nothing wrong with your face, but you are ill. You don't have to feel like this.

Honestly it's all I think about going to sleep - "Thinking about your perceived imperfections occupies all of your thoughts," Korn said. "For example, you [might] spend all of your time thinking about how you can make your thighs appear more muscular, researching new exercises, and finding 'skin tightening' moisturizers."

I open my eyes and don't want to get out of bed because I hate how I look- "Individuals with BDD spend so much time obsessing over their appearance, or the appearance of a specific aspect of their appearance that it interferes with their ability to function at work or school," Korn explained.

I have stopped going out socially because I hate being looked at. I also can't make eye contact when talking to people because I hate my face being looked at. - If you start withdrawing socially, or avoiding certain situations due to concerns about your image, you might be struggling with body dysmorphia.

£300 down! / I've tried expensive treatments - According to Korn, "You might find yourself constantly finding new products," such as those "that minimize the appearance of cellulite," or, as Hampton noted, "dyeing hair, using weight loss supplements or laxatives," constantly on a quest to perfect your image. Even more costly might be a fixation on "researching surgical procedures, and spending more and more money or plastic surgery to try to 'fix' the problem," Korn said.

I can't look in the mirror. I hate it. - "You might alternate from ritually checking your appearance in the mirror to avoiding it completely," Korn said.

My friend group are older than me and done have such bad under eye lines or lines around the mouth. - Deibler added that though comparing ourselves to others is actually very common, those with body dysmorphia have a self-perception that "remains negative," with the sufferer solely "focused on their perceived flaw."