How can I get my baby to like his Dad again
nellly · 27/01/2022 19:00
Ok so that's oversimplifying but it's the general gist.
Baby is 4 months and used to be happy with anyone, mum, Dad, Grandma, any old stranger
He had a great relationship with DH who is a wonderful patient father.
Dh often spends a few hours alone with him on a weekend while I go for a swim or walk to have a break. Through the week it's mostly me and baby as DH works long hours to support my year of Mat leave.
The last couple of weeks baby only wants me and cries a lot more with dh, he will only settle at bedtime for me and it's starting to be exhausting.
When he cries after a bit of dh trying to soothe him I take over because I can't stand hearing him cry and he's too young to be manipulative.
He's breastfed but I express milk for dh to give him and this has never been an issue since birth.
Should I leave dh to let him persevere so baby learns to accept comfort from both parents?
Or is that causing him stress.
I need those few hours here and there as baby still wakes up a few times a night for me to feed and lm really on call 24/7 now and struggling
nellly · 27/01/2022 19:08
Sorry that turned into such a rant feeling a bit anxious that I'm now tied to my lovely baby forever
mogkat · 27/01/2022 19:08
It's not that the baby doesn't like his dad anymore.
Babies go through phases like this where they become more clingy to their main caregiver. It's as they grow more aware of the world around them and start going through periods of separation anxiety.
Like all phases (and there's lots in the baby and toddler years) it will pass. Just carry on with your normal routines
YellowLemonz · 27/01/2022 19:11
He likes him don't worry.
Babies just sometimes go through a phase of knowing who their main carer is and sticks with them.
Next month daddy could be getting all the love.
Keep having the time to yourself and husband having baby.
Crepuscularshadows · 27/01/2022 19:40
Stick with your routine or you'll alienate your DH and make a rod for your back. Check your DH hasn't changed how he smells (turned out that DS didn't like DMIL perfume) but otherwise just rough it out.
SarahAndQuack · 27/01/2022 19:50
I think it's just normal TBH. Your DH just has to suck it up and accept the baby will be more fussy with him, I think. I doubt the baby will suffer from it, though I'm a softie and would likely find it easier to give in.
FWIW I remember this stage with my DD (my DP is the birth mum), and while you do feel a bit sad and think 'how come this baby doesn't like me any more,' honestly, your DH will be aware that's a bonkers reaction deep down. Plus it's going to keep happening as the baby develops a new 'favourite parent' on a regular basis!
HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 27/01/2022 19:53
I think around the 4-6 month mark is when babies start to realise that you aren't attached and that when you aren't in view you aren't there. Prior to this they think you are always there even when they can't see you which is why they get upset. They do move on to a new phase eventually.
HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 27/01/2022 19:55
Posted too soon.... Once they realise that you will come back. It's all to do with object permeance and other developmental things, all quite interesting really.
Bonnealle · 27/01/2022 20:04
I agree, stick to the routine with your husband. If the baby was fussy with you and only settled for a grandparent etc, you wouldn’t expect them to come over every night! Babies are fussy and your husband will be able to deal with as he’s the dad! It will soon pass!
Twizbe · 27/01/2022 20:05
4 months is a big growth spurt and this sort of behaviour is very normal.
Baby loves daddy but loves milk too. Milk is food and comfort so if he's crying and not soothing for DH it means he wants milk. Not uncommon during growth spurts for them to want to feed more.
It will pass and change again in a few weeks. That's the joy of babies.
Don't stress about it.
DH is putting our two to bed tonight (5 and 3) and I got the most gorgeous photo of them snuggled up to daddy having a story. Some days they are all about daddy, some days it's me.
Theblacksheepandme · 27/01/2022 20:58
I was my babies main caregiver but she preferred her Dad. She would practically leap out of my arms when he got home from work. In relation to her settling at night time she would only settle for him. She is 14 now and we have a great relationship but my husband did find it tiring as he had work the following day.
nellly · 27/01/2022 21:14
Thanks all, he does get milk from Daddy but it's in a bottle.
Dh is very calm and reasonable ans understands baby is just more mummy
Clingy right now. It's me that's struggling
Trying to work out what's best for baby to just be with mummy all the time or push through and make him be with Daddy sometimes
Babies are so hard and we're getting so little sleep it's hard to think straight sometimes.
Thanks for all the advice
Winniemarysarah · 27/01/2022 21:17
I’d push through and persevere if I were you. Ime the baby will come to rely on you more and more if you take over even more care and you’ll never get a break, it can be hard to break the cycle once that starts.
SarahAndQuack · 27/01/2022 21:20
It's the smell of milk they go for, I think. I used to feed DD expressed milk in a bottle at that age, but she wanted the person who smelt like delicious milk. One time DP got me to put on her t-shirt to see if it made a difference and it did a bit, but then DD was outraged to discover she'd been tricked and was being offered the bottle again.
If you're shattered I'd keep on getting your DH to do his bit because otherwise how will you get a break? I'm sure it won't do the slightest damage to the baby.
SarahAndQuack · 27/01/2022 21:20
(And sympathy! I should have said that before. It's so relentless.)
Twizbe · 27/01/2022 21:28
I found with both mine that at this age they started to become a bit more predictable. With my second in particular I got routine and rhythm really going at this age.
It meant that I knew I had a good 3 clear hours between feeds during the day. If I needed a nap, I'd do it when she did. If I needed to go out, I'd feed and leave then be back for the next one.
Babies are really hard work. It does get easier though, I promise.
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