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Original poster

I'm just so bloody sad

23 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 26/01/2022 08:03

I feel like I'm drowning.

Life has just completely got on top of me. I'm self isolating because of covid and I'm listening to the nanny get my children ready for the day. It's harmonious. No tears, everyone sounds happy.

When I get them dressed it's a total chaos zone.. I spend my life just running after them both, my son in hysterics because he wants to get dressed in a different room.

I'm an angry frustrated mess. I'm totally fed up of everything. I'm not doing my children any good at all. They arw happier when I'm not around. I just want to disappear.

OP posts:
JennyForeigner · 26/01/2022 08:07

I hear you. We all have the super cold and feel grotty. My husband has just been in my sick room marveling at how our nanny can calm the biggest tantrum. It's a professional skill and a lot of experience. Oh, and getting to go home at the end of the day...

If you think about it, we're all our best selves at work right?

Santaslittlemelter · 26/01/2022 08:10

Firstly you are sick so that is adding to you feeling low, please recognise that.

And let me tell you as someone who has a nanny for 7 years who is now like family to us.

The kids do the exact same to me. And the nanny stepping into her job with a fresh head always has everyone under way better control than me. The kids act up wayyyy more with me and I lose my shit. Then she arrives and they suddenly do as told and go calm. I think it's partly because they are all looking for my attention. They don't care so much if the nanny is focused on them specifically or not.

You need to figure out if you are feeling low because of covid or if you are struggling in general. I promise you it's not true that it's you being a bad mum that's feeding the chaos. It's absolutely not. Your nanny can't ever do your role.

Please reach out to a sympathetic friend or family member to get some reassurance and support. And if you are actually tipped over into depression, see your GP.

JennyForeigner · 26/01/2022 08:11

Just reread that last sentence - you are the very centre of your children's lives. Of course they act up around you - they are testing the strength of the relationship that will bolster them in everything they do. Talk to your nanny and your doctor, and try and find more time for you. There is nothing sanity preserving like coming back to children after a day away.

CandyMan89 · 26/01/2022 08:13

Its the novelty of it, if Nanny was there everyday for 2 weeks, it wouldn't be like that. Please don't be hard on yourself.

Iggly · 26/01/2022 08:14

@DueyCheatemAndHow

I feel like I'm drowning.

Life has just completely got on top of me. I'm self isolating because of covid and I'm listening to the nanny get my children ready for the day. It's harmonious. No tears, everyone sounds happy.

When I get them dressed it's a total chaos zone.. I spend my life just running after them both, my son in hysterics because he wants to get dressed in a different room.

I'm an angry frustrated mess. I'm totally fed up of everything. I'm not doing my children any good at all. They arw happier when I'm not around. I just want to disappear.

Please don’t take it personally.

Children will behave better for a nanny/teacher etc.

We had a nanny for 7 years. The kids were a dream for her. Behaved well, ate vegetables, polite, did their homework etc.

For me…. Not the actual same at all. I remember when my youngest was a newborn and I had toddler ds. Took him to a class that our nanny usually took him to. He was an absolute and utter nightmare. The teacher said in front of everyone “oh he’s normally much better behaved for X” (X = nanny).

I felt so shit.

You’re in a bad place now. You’ve got covid, you’re ill and I’m guessing normally working? It’s hard. It’s easy for your nanny because these aren’t her children and it’s easy to be happy. Plus her boss is listening.

Be kind to yourself x

Spudina · 26/01/2022 08:17

Your children are being good with the nanny because she is a nanny, and you have raised them well to be good for others. Well done you. Also, you are their safe space. They will play you up because they are children and it’s in their makeup to test the boundaries and they know it’s safe to do that with you. I’m sorry you feel rubbish. It’s difficult to feel positive about anything when you are ill. Your nanny has this in hand. Take the time to properly rest and get back on your A game when you are well. (Getting the kids ready and out for school is a disaster in this house most mornings!)

Coffeeonmytoffee · 26/01/2022 08:17

Trust me they aren’t happier Without you. But you’ve clearly brought them up really well because they are behaving well for another adult. It’s like when a teacher describes the maniacs you live with as angelic pupils!
I hope you feel better soon. Being a mum is so hard.

Queenfreak · 26/01/2022 08:24

I was a nanny for more years than I care to remember. Now I have my own family.
I was the most fun, in control, organised, inventive nanny I ever met.
Now I run the usual shitshow.
When you are a nanny you are at work! You give it everything!
Parenting is different. You are your children's safe space. The place they can let it all out and be themselves. They do this because they won't be rejected. They feel safe.
You are doing NOTHING wrong.

Kindofhecticinside · 26/01/2022 08:52

As a teacher the amount of times I told a parent that their child was very well behaved at school and they laughed because they aren’t like that at home! Happened 3/4 times every parents evening! I always told them that they have obviously done something right because the child was brilliant at school. You are their safe space where they can let their emotions and express themselves and then behave for others. This is a good thing.

itsgettingweird · 26/01/2022 08:56

How many times have we sat in parents evening and a teachers described a child whilst your sat thinking "do they know who's mum I am" Grin

That's also the nanny. She's not their parent. There's no reason for them to behave with her as they do you.

Plus it's her job. It's not 24/7 for her. She does her hours and comes home. She has her holidays. Even when parents are working they are still parents. You're still always thinking about work and family etc and it's bloody exhausting.

Get some rest. Covid can really affect your emotions. That maybe what's making you feel this way. Thanks

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 26/01/2022 21:01

Thabsk everyone. I'm on 20mg of citalopram atm.

Since this morning DS has now tested positive so now it's just us. I can't even read them a book - the baby just wants to grab it . I can't settle them to play anything either with me or without. DS wants to draw... then DD does. So they both start and DS wants me to draw things with him but DD is putting the pens in her mouth.

I'm so short tempered with him. He goes to the loo and then washing his hands is a disaster. He either stands there with the water running and just watching it, breaks the plug, or tries to flood the toilet. Even getting up the stairs while I'm carrying DD takes about 15 'come on DS'.

I feel like screaming

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 26/01/2022 21:08

But the nanny turns up ready to work. She has a shower and get dressed and so on in her own time. You have to manage the children and yourself first thing. It's completely different.

Suzi888 · 26/01/2022 21:09

Children are always better behaved for their teacher etc. I often make a fake call to the teacher if I want DD to do something and she’s having a strop.

Is there anyone else to help at home? If you work, can you take time off?
Your children will not be better off without youFlowers it won’t always be this way, it’ll pass, always does.

DisappearingGirl · 26/01/2022 21:15

Oh OP, I imagine most of us would feel the same while trying to wrestle two small kids and a baby whilst also having COVID!

And yes to kids behaving for everyone other than their parents. So many times I've turned up to collect my child from a friend's house and they immediately turn into a devil child. Same with kids' friends when their parents come to get them. I think of it as the Kevin and Perry effect!

Please be kind to yourself OP.

downbythewoods · 26/01/2022 21:20

@Spudina

Your children are being good with the nanny because she is a nanny, and you have raised them well to be good for others. Well done you. Also, you are their safe space. They will play you up because they are children and it’s in their makeup to test the boundaries and they know it’s safe to do that with you. I’m sorry you feel rubbish. It’s difficult to feel positive about anything when you are ill. Your nanny has this in hand. Take the time to properly rest and get back on your A game when you are well. (Getting the kids ready and out for school is a disaster in this house most mornings!)
This 👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻 never under estimate how hard it is for MUMS to get kids out of the house in the morning. 12 years in snd it's still my biggest challenge. It sounds ridiculous but it's so hard and sets the tone for the whole day so has lots of power. You are not alone, it's just bloody hard. X
Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 26/01/2022 21:54

I keep seeing on fb people with amazing ideas for games. I just don't have them..and anything I try gets shot down in 2 mins because one of them has a breakdown.

I had to leave the room to cry the other day. DS hit his sister and I literally dragged him to the naughty step. Then he said 'you hurt my arm' and I cried and told him how sorry I was.

I'm so very desperate for a break and now it's just me and them in the house and I'm terrified.

OP posts:
lljkk · 27/01/2022 06:42

aRe you the only parent living in the house, Duey?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 27/01/2022 11:14

No DH is here and doing a lot - he got them up this morning and gave them breakfast giving me an hour and a half more sleep then put the baby up for a nap.

It's just when it's just us. Currently they are both glued to superworm which isnt ideal

OP posts:
Spudina · 27/01/2022 13:26

It’s totally fine. Don’t beat yourself up over a bit of screen time OP. Kids can benefit from chill time too.

lljkk · 27/01/2022 15:19

Kids are stressful. It reads like you have too high expectations of yourself, OP.

Stormbraver99 · 27/01/2022 15:25

I feel the same. I've been heading towards breaking point for the past year and I've finally got there. It's heartbreaking. Never felt so unwell both physically and emotionally.

SummerHouse · 27/01/2022 15:32

Currently they are both glued to superworm which isnt ideal

I beg to differ. I think this is ideal!

Cut yourself a huge slice of slack.

You have covid. You are exhausted. You are ground down with life and small children.

This will get better. You are and will be the center of their world. For some periods of motherhood we just have to get through the day.

simonisnotme · 27/01/2022 17:35

dont compare yourself to posts on FB ,no one ever posts the crap stuff
and everyone needs a bit of screen time it will get better really Flowers

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