This is long..I'm sorry..in short this post contains: work after a baby, working from home with a toddler, awful in-laws, lack of sexdrive, feeling low at home.. if any of those sound familiar I would appreciate any advice/input. Even if its just to say its not only me and I'm not being unreasonable!
Myself and partner (unmarried) have a 3 year old.
I work full time - couple of days from home, rest in office. He works fulltime - sometimes from home sometimes in office, sometimes away overnight. DS goes to nursery 3days a week.
Childcare has always fallen on me - Arranging which nursery, if DS is sick, has appointments, sent home from nursery it is up to me to arrange and fulfill these duties. My work are generally more forgiving than his but he has never had to try to work around anything because its just fallen on me from the get-go. I work from home with DS one day a week which never works - I always have to catch up after he is in bed or at weekends.
Boyfriends family have caused stress/arguments since our LO was around 5m old. Without boring you with details it became so hard that he has now cut his mum off but sister is still an issue.
Last week our sex-life became an issue and I am now questioning wether we should even be together. I am very stressed at the moment (recent illness in our house, recent change to my job role - making it more demanding, recent family drama from his side). I have made my worries clear but sometimes feel like I am dismissed. Like he thinks I am just having 'one of those days' or it's time of the month. I feel ignored.
Last week he expressed concern that we haven't had sex for a few weeks. This led to me writing everything one night, in a long letter to him, to explain all my worries and feelings. Upon giving it to him he immediately said ' I will read it tomorrow' which hurt. I would have wanted to read it if he wrote down his intimate thoughts and feelings?
He ended up reading it, we talked - which was mainly me venting - and that was that. Nothing said since.
I work fulltime - this overflows into evening/weekends due to needing to be present for LO..whereas he is mon-fri 9-5, no disruptions. He has evenings and weekends to do as he wishes - where I am usually catching up on stuff I haven't been able to do. He recently lost his license so weekends where he would take our LO to clubs/visit family has now become my job temporarily (less time to catch up with things I couldn't do in the week). I am definitely feeling bitter towards him about this, more-so because there is no other option, it is just the way it is so there is no solution. It feels like my job - which I had to train for 3 years to be qualified in - is not important at all. I am giving up more than him and his non-professional job.
I need to sort all birthday arrangements, xmas, appointments etc - lots of housework although he does pull his weight here. Lots of general illness, that comes with a toddler that goes to nursery = less sleep as he sleeps like the dead so ultimately I end up up all night when our son is poorly.
The fact he felt the need to air his worry that we weren't having sex enough pushed me over the edge. Like, are you kidding?? I am needed 15 hours a day+ for everybody else's needs and your only concern is your not getting enough sex. I don't even want to SHARE a bed let alone be touched some days after I finally flop into bed at midnight. At one time our sex-life was daily and amazing so it has changed drastically.
Money won't allow for more days at nursery and the only family child-care we have is my parents but recently my dad has been poorly so I only ask them if absolutely necessary and then I feel bad. We haven't has a 'date-night' in 2 years.
He has always been quite laidback and me the complete opposite but I don't feel that my stress is unjustified anymore. I imagine being single and co-parenting, and its like a fantasy, to have my own space and time. I feel like I am not being the best mum I can be because I am always thinking of the 1million things I need to do and not enjoying time as a family. I'm becoming desperate because I don't see a way out aside from us separating. It is not what I want - he is a great dad, and is a great boyfriend when things are smooth sailing - but I am losing connection with him because there are so many stressors and I feel alone with them. I feel like we only work when things are good and I made a bad choice in starting a family with him.
I am feeling like separation is the only way to improve things for myself, but then feel selfish because I don't want to put my son through that if at all possible.
Again, I am sorry this is long - its a couple or years of built up stress and even if nobody can offer any advice I am glad to have just vented. I don't talk to anybody else about this!