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Original poster

Uncomfortable situation at work.

25 replies

littleHollow · 25/01/2022 17:46

Please be aware suicide is mentioned below. A few months ago my supervisor had made a couple of comments regarding another member of staff(we will call her H) and her mental health problems. Supervisor referred to her a suicidal Sally, made motions of cutting her wrists (H has scars up and down her arms) and offering her shoe laces so she could "string herself up with those" Obv behind her back but she was laughing all the while she was saying this. H was off work due to her mental health issues at the time and I have not been able to stop thinking about those comments she made as I had a family member a few months before who had sadly hung herself. It has eaten away at that I haven't mentioned it anyone or reported it. I'll explain my thinking at the time which was if I report it would H have to be involved or would she find out and if she did It wouldn't have been any good for her when she is already suffering. It would make my time at work even worse. But now I can't stop thinking about it and it's caused me to feel guilty. I feel like I have enabled this behavior by not reporting it and supervisor has got away with saying things like this. ( Supervisor wasn't talking to me about this but I was next to her and other colleague). Supervisor is also close friends with management and I genuinely believe they would be inappropriate with how they would handle the situation. What should I do if any thing? Thank you

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 25/01/2022 17:48

That's appalling.

Do you have an HR department?

I really feel for H, to think of her having to put up with that sort of attitude when she's at work.

loloballlolo · 25/01/2022 17:48

Oh that sounds awful. Do you have a HR person you can speak to?

Ploppy1322 · 25/01/2022 18:30

Hi OP, if you report it there's no reason H should ever know, she's not directly relevant to the situation as she wasn't involved and wouldn't be able to add any details as she wasn't there. This is appalling behaviour and should be reported xx

thickthighs73 · 25/01/2022 18:34

And you sat there and said nothing whilst they mocked H ???

gettingolderandgrumpy · 25/01/2022 18:54

Honestly I’ve heard some inappropriate comments in my time at the work place but making fun of someone suicidal. Personally I couldn’t work for a horrible boss like that and I’d very much enjoy saying so.
Realistic for you op you have to work with such a C**t they you need to report this behaviour if you hear it again .

toppkatz · 25/01/2022 18:57

@thickthighs73

And you sat there and said nothing whilst they mocked H ???
It was the OP's supervisor saying it, who also happens to be friendly with management. It isn't always easy to speak up in those circumstances, is it?
thickthighs73 · 25/01/2022 19:11

@toppkatz
and?

Original poster
littleHollow · 25/01/2022 19:27

I suppose I did. It's eaten away at me since.

OP posts:
Original poster
littleHollow · 25/01/2022 19:30

She's good friends with management and the HR ladies. I hate my job and I thought it would just make my time there even worse. I know it's no excuse. I just can't get it out of my mind. There little to no professionalism at my work and it would eventually get back to H I'm sure of it.

OP posts:
Etinoxaurus · 25/01/2022 19:34

I imagine @littleHollow what in shock. I’d struggle to manage my emotions witnessing that.
This is grievance level behaviour. How big is your employer?

Original poster
littleHollow · 25/01/2022 19:39

I work in very well known clothes company. I'm worried also that she would deny it ever happened because I know they would take her side if that happened.

OP posts:
gettingolderandgrumpy · 25/01/2022 19:40

Then I really think you need to get out of there op sounds awful .

Original poster
littleHollow · 25/01/2022 19:44

I'm trying believe me I'm trying. If I didn't have my son and my home to pay for I would have left that day.

OP posts:
PaniniHead · 25/01/2022 19:50

If it is a national company, can you not go above the local chain of command and go to head office?

WonderfulYou · 25/01/2022 19:55

It’s disgusting obviously but as it’s already been said then I would let it slide.

As it happened a while ago if you complain it would be your word against theirs and they could deny it and H could be involved unnecessarily which would probably cause her to quit her job.

If you ever hear them talking like it again either confront them there and then or record it and send it higher up.

overnightangel · 25/01/2022 19:58

Not helping @thickthighs73 🙄

HermioneGrangersHair · 25/01/2022 20:00

I’m sorry you had to hear that it sounds awful. If it’s a large organisation op please do look up the whistle blowing policy that might help you find a way to report.
Or report directly to your senior management?

SoManyQuestionsHere · 25/01/2022 20:03

That's horrendous and you should most definitely report this! Absolutely unacceptable behaviour in any workplace - made ten times worse coming from a supervisor.

How large is your organisation and how is it structured?

Personally, the one time I reported a case of very serious misconduct by someone senior (significantly above a supervisor in that case) I opted not to go to HR (albeit for different reasons than the ones you mention) but to the most senior person that came to mind whom I trusted to be more invested in general human decency (and, in that case: myself as an employee) than to the person I was reporting, and who I knew would take me seriously. This was an excellent choice, looking back!

Is there anyone like this, ideally in a senior leadership position, where you work?

Do you have an anti-retaliation policy?

Flingingmelon · 25/01/2022 20:05

As soon as you said 'well known clothing company' this all became much clearer.

I'm guessing that you're not working with one that's gone ultra woke. Which in this circumstance is a shame.

TBH unless there's a scandal do you think anything will change?

At this point you either accept you need to work for a bunch of fuckers to pay the bills, or you leave.

Often people that don't work in these types of industries can't fathom how toxic they can be. Essentially if you can always be replaced by some naive twenty something who would sell a kidney to say they work in 'fashion' there is little incentive to change.

AffIt · 25/01/2022 20:05

That is utterly, utterly loathsome.

If you work for a large organisation, they will have a reporting policy. Do you have access to an employee handbook?

I wish you the very best of luck in finding a new role soon.

Cigfree · 25/01/2022 20:15

@thickthighs73

And you sat there and said nothing whilst they mocked H ???
OP has already explained their feelings and the circumstances - stop trying to make people feel shit about themselves.
worriedmummyofboys · 25/01/2022 20:27

F

Original poster
littleHollow · 25/01/2022 20:50

Thank you for taking the time to comment I really do appreciate all of your suggestions and replies. I am going to have a look through the handbook and see what routes there is to take. ❤️

OP posts:
toppkatz · 25/01/2022 21:38

[quote thickthighs73]@toppkatz
and?[/quote]
And it isn't easy to put your head over the parapet at work. Saying something means risking your own job. Sometimes it isn't easy to do the right thing morally, when you are in a potentially vulnerable position yourself.

thickthighs73 · 25/01/2022 22:43

Maybe my comment wasn’t helpful but whilst people are not challenging those who mock mental illness the ignorance around the condition will never change. OP I don’t know why raising this would put your job at risk

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