Anyone into dreams? I've had what feels like an important dream but I can't work out what my subconscious is telling me.

[Flamingoose]

In the dream, a friend's daughter (B) moved in with us. She was about 15 in the dream (she is actually older in real life - my eldest dd is 15 though - might be relevant?)
We took her to a big country park with walks, playgrounds, fields, country house etc. She had a massive orange backpack - so stuffed full it was round, but she carried it easily. At the end of the day we were heading back to the car when she asked if she could have an ice cream at a cafe. Husband and I both agreed that even though it wasn't convenient it was important that we say yes and make her feel welcome and able to ask for things. Husband took the kids back to the car and I went back to find B at the cafe, but it had closed and B wasn't there.
I spent ages looking for her everywhere. Occasionally I'd catch a glimpse of the orange backpack in the distance but I couldn't catch up. I was shouting her name really loud, and she heard me once and smiled when she realised I'd been looking for her, and turned around to meet up with me.
I bumped into B's family having a nice picnic and asked if they'd seen her but they hadn't. I wondered why we didn't come to this park more often, because B's family come all the time.
Finally I found her in an upstairs room with a load of tattooed, pierced, shouty, raucous young people. She was fine. They were rough, but nice. We walked together with the gang through an underpass back to the playground and the car park. I woke up.

In the dream all my children and all B's siblings were much younger than they are in real life.

The themes that leap out to me here are 'responsibility', 'independence' and 'risk'. Do they resonate?

If you take each stage of the dream in turn and describe how you felt, can you link those feelings to things happening now that evoke the same feeling/response in you?

Perhaps B is representing the journey from childhood to young adulthood that your DD is going through and the steps in the future she'll have to take without you? And you a longing for her to remain a child for a bit longer?

Main feelings were:
Guilty I wasn't taking advantage of the lovely park enough.
Very protective towards B.
Worried I wasn't looking after her when she was gone. But then she was fine all along.

Yes, I think you're right. It's about dd. She is growing up, getting more independent. Some big changes due this year. She's just got a job, and she'll start learning to drive in a few months time.

Thank you!

I wonder what the backpack is though? I kept noticing it.

Maybe the backpack represents all the internal things your DD will carry with her into adulthood, things you have taught her, things she has picked up along the way.

That's a nice interpretation.
She does have a lot of good skills and qualities. I know she'll be fine.
I didn't know I was worried about her. Maybe I'm letting myself know that she'll be fine.

I thought it would be about your dd. The backpack is some anxiety about her going out into the world even though you know she should go.

These are nice interpretations.

Out of interest how do you feel about Bs family? In the dream you seem to feel they made better decisions than you, or are doing something right that you should emulate.

That's perceptive Gerbil. Yeah, I guess I do see them as getting a lot of things right when I am anxious about getting it wrong. I know it's silly really, but sometimes you can't help how you feel even when you speak sternly to yourself about it.
My friend - B's mum - is so relaxed about letting her children go. They're all high achieving and fiercely independent. My kids are high achievers too, but I struggle to make myself let them go.

I think you are doing a great job of 'practising' letting go in the dream and reassuring yourself in the process (being reasonable about the request for ice cream, finding the group of potentially threatening young people fine in the end). I think the country park represents the wide world and it's about you telling yourself that it can be a great place full of nice things that you want your daughter to experience.

For what it's worth I think you sound a very reflective and thoughtful mum - and why would you feel fine about letting your kids go, totally normal in my view!

That's such a nice comment Nenanena. Thank you.
Of course I want her to spread her wings and soar, but you're right I'd be lying if said there wasn't a tiny part of me that also wants her to stay home and safe with me forever! I'm happiest when everyone's home and safe in the nest.

Sweet dreams tonight