So pathetically envious of my friends

[tiffanyheart]

A few of my friends have very different lifestyles to me..they run their own businesses, so have very flexible days, dipping in and out of different events, meetings, networking, huge followings on social media, very good at connecting with people and making friends.

I don't know if it's January blues but I'm feeling fed up. My life seems so routine in comparison...with my 9-5 job, a few close friends who get in touch every so often but most of the time doing stuff with DH and the DDs. I know how hard it is to run a business and I wouldn't want to do that anyway, but wish I could stop comparing myself. My life is fine but like most peoples, not hugely exciting most of the time. I try and do all the usual gym, finding interests etc but what I don't have is that effortless ability to draw people to me and make new friends.

Feel so pathetic writing this!!!

I love the quote 'Comparison is the thief of joy' because it truly resonates with me. It really is. You are not alone in feeling how you do, everyone feels like that sometimes but if you remember that quote it helps you realise that you are not alone.

If they run their own businesses and have huge social media followings then they're probably very good at only showing the highlight reel. Odds are that their lives are just as mundane as you feel yours is, but they give it a good spin, whether consciously or just out of habit. We never have the full story. You are NOT pathetic. Everyone's idea of happiness is different and sometimes we just need to make baby steps towards the life we want.

I heard something recently that said "the problem with social media is we're comparing our real lives with the edited lives of others"

But even if they did have absolutely fantastic lives with many people drawn to them, it doesn't detract from the life you've built for yourself OP.

Taking time off from social media might be a good shout for a bit. It's difficult to compare ourselves to other people's lives when we're not seeing all the glossy pics and what not. Take care OP

bet you got paid through covid lockdowns and have a pension

In your 60s you will be retired and they will be running round trying to make money as they cant afford to retire

(said as a flash small business owner)

I feel a bit sorry for people like this - someone I know has to share lots of her family life on social media for the sake of her business & is constantly seeking “likes”. That must get very boring, plus I would hate the risks that come with sharing so much online (I reckon you could track down where she lives if you put your mind to it….)
I like that I can keep my family life private and am not under pressure to share.

Another friend portrayed the Uber -glamorous life on Instagram (lots of travel, glamorous restaurants etc) but she was miserable & her business was actually failing.

There can be lots of benefits to “boring” jobs, eg pensions, good maternity packages, medical insurance etc

Is there any scope to ask for a bit more flexibility or are you chained to 9-5? My role is technically 9-5 but I WFH and have (some) flexibility on my hours

Meh, I run my own business and have a big social media following. I’m just as sad in January and comparing my life to my friends.

Are your friends actual business owners, or are they in a multi marketing scheme as they are expert in showcasing an amazing life that doesn't resemble their reality in the slightest! If they do in fact own their own businesses, then yes a significant proportion will be self promotion and networking and all quite exhausting!

@Flowertailbird

I love the quote 'Comparison is the thief of joy' because it truly resonates with me. It really is. You are not alone in feeling how you do, everyone feels like that sometimes but if you remember that quote it helps you realise that you are not alone.

Exactly. Plus in general we compare how we feel inside with how other's appear outside, which is not a real comparison - above all on SM where it's an edited highlights reel anyway.

Try to turn your focus from your friends to yourself, if it's alerted you to the fact you'd like to change some stuff, then great - but focus on thinking what you'd like from life, and what you can appreciate about your life now, not on them.

Running your own business can feel very lonely and a burden at times. Through Covid I was under immense pressure and felt close to breakdown being responsible for a company and thereby all my employees livelihoods. There's a lot going on behind the scenes so don't be envious of your friends. January is always a dreary time of reflection and it's easy to feel sorry for yourself by comparing yourself to others.

Honest? It’s who you’re comparing yourself to. Do you have other friends who are more ‘normal’?

I used to write down at least 1 thing I was proud of or had achieved each day. For a lot of people having a normal boring life and 2 DDs is the absolute dream. That’s what people look back on and wish they had. A decent relationship and people they care about.

I wonder if they look at you and feel a bit jealous of how you can just be ‘you’ with the safety net of your job and your family.

Thank you all so much. Lots of lovely comments and ideas. It's weird isn't it how everyone knows that social media isn't real yet we can't stop ourselves from being affected by it sometimes.

I don't think Covid has helped anything. The last few years have felt very mundane at times.

It's hard to mix life up when you work full time and want to be there for your family when you're not working, but I am going to try a bit this year

Are they actually running their own businesses or are they MLM bots?

If the latter then their SM posts are probably not reflected by their everyday lives.