I'm 30. I have two dc, ds 11 who was diagnosed with autism aged 4. Dd 6 is not diagnosed but showing traits, she masks well and proving hard. . It seems to be genetic on my dads side even though I've never had anything to do with him.
I felt like I was never truly myself during childhood and my teens, in a house where my mother almost forced me to be normal.I had my first child at 19 and moving out and getting my own place really changed my life for the better. Not with my sons dad but have been with my do, dd'a dad for 9 years. I've always felt like I could be myself around him which is great. But he noticed a few things.
Throughout my childhood I never felt like I fit the idea of 'normal'. I hate the word normal but I always found social situations hard and I have to work it at - doesn't come naturally.
I struggle with showing sympathy. I can really feel sympathy inside but struggle to show it.
I am fine with affection from Dp and dc but that's about it. I freeze if anyone else comes near me for a cuddle.
I cannot make eye contact.
Socially awkward. Don't enjoy social situations. My social skills almost feel robotic.
Bizarrely I hold a conversation better with strangers than I do people I know. I feel people I know are judging me.
Replaying conversations over & over in my head!
Never know when it's my turn to speak in a conversation.
I didn't talk until I was 3/4.
I cannot sit still. Always on the go.
I see the world in a very black and white way.
Think people are mad at me when they are not.
Also don't know when people are bored of me. Despite not enjoying social situations in a two way conversation, others can't get a word in.
Extremely fussy with food.
Never formed any close friendships. I know a lot of people but never know how to form or sustain a friendships! Don't think I'm worthy of friendship. Feel like people talk to me as they feel sorry for me.
I like to do things on my own. When j was at school I hated doing tasks in groups or partners as things need doing my own way. still like this now. My way, or no way kinda thing.
I don't understand most jokes or takes a while to come to me.
I score pretty high on AQ check list.
Where do I start, if it all?
I have a weirdly fantastic memory. I can often remember what people were wearing on a certain day 10 years ago!
I like routine.
I am already diagnosed with anxiety, not diagnosed but likely have ocd too.
How do I tell my family? Despite having dc with autism (diagnosed and undiagnosed) I'm not sure how my mother would take it. She'll probably be really dismissive! She can't remember what she did last week let alone what my childhood was like.
Anyone else been through this? Our new sen family support worker wants me to pursue an assessment & potential diagnosis as feels it would benefit us as a family!