How old do you think this child is?

[CookTheRice]

Sorry, I'm copying someone's else's idea, but saw a similar thread recently and thought it was helpful for the OP.

So, how old do you think this child is?

• Can get completely overexcited and silly and needs a lot of help calming down
• Sometimes shouts and hits at school/nursery - is also shouted at and hit by other kids there
• Can eat with cutlery but needs a LOT of reminding
• Can get self dressed but makes a tremendous fuss about it
• Very particular about things being done in the 'right' order/way and gets really cross if people who don't 'know' the order/way do it wrong

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Unless very young OP I’d be quite concerned about the hitting. That’s the main thing that stands out anyway.

Overexcited- depends on frequency, what they’re getting excited about, what it takes to calm them down, what settings they’re getting overexcited in.

Can eat with cutlery but needs reminding - fairly average, think it depends again on what settings, what are they trying to eat without cutlery etc

Dressing - depends what the fuss is about, what do you mean by a “fuss”, what settings, what triggers it eg getting dressed at all vs just getting dressed for school

Very particular about orders - again depends on what, what getting cross looks like, settings etc

I think you’re wanting people to make comments based around SN but there’s not enough to go on (and of course no one from MN can diagnose anyway)

Could easily describe my 8 yo autistic nephew.

I would think everything bar the hitting is fairly normal for a 5.5 year old. If I was another parent in the class I would not expect hitting from other children at this age.

My six year old can be like this when he's tired. I wouldn't worry.

@CookTheRice

Thanks, quite a broad range of answers. He's 5.5. In nursery because we are in Scotland and deferred.

We don't know if he has any SEN. Nursery raised concerns about it so we and nursery went to HV who said she didn't have any concerns based on what we had all told her and the fact that all his usual checks have been absolutely fine. So DH and I now feeling a bit uncertain! I've referenced here the worrying behaviours. Maybe I should have also referenced the behaviours which make me think there's nothing up which would include

• Makes friends easily and has maintained close friendships over years
• No behaviour issues or concerns at any of his extra curricular type activities
• Can be very mature and helpful e.g. I can ask him to chop the food for a soup and completely trust him with the knife

I suppose I just wanted to see if everyone said something like '3' (troubling) or there was a mix of ages. Our oldest child has always been very mature for her age so it's not very helpful comparing what she was like at the same stage.

The only thing I'd be concerned about in particular is the hitting. But some children do have big emotions which they express inappropriately. My 4yo is a little bundle of rage sometimes these days and, although they don't hit other children (or indeed anyone else), I've been kicked, pushed, hit and had my hair pulled recently.

At what age would kids be expected to stop hitting? DS can still hit when overwhelmed or hungry, he is 3 almost 4

The shouting/ hitting is the only thing that stands out for me given his age. Is he doing this in class or in the playground? I think most children of 5.5 would know how to behave in class but if it was in the playground, then I’d say more children that age would engage in hitting when they think no one is looking!

Sorry spent so long typing that I cross posted!

What was your reason for deferring? Do you think that might have also held him back with some of the behaviours you mentioned? (Not that he sounds particularly behind as such)

Again the hitting would be my main concern, mostly concerned about the environment and adequate supervision for so many hitting incidents to occur

4

My 10 year old still has to be nagged to use cutlery!

Yes the hitting does worry me, a lot. From what I have heard from him and staff, he only hits in response to being hit, he's not the initial perpetrator, but yes it still worries me.

How do nursery handle hitting? If you don't experience similar issues at home I would wonder about the setting. Especially since you said other children hit him too. May not be a cause to move or anything but worth a conversation around their reactions and strategies.
Feeling angry/frustrated/overexcited is ok. Hitting is not ok. Moving the children apart with the verbal cue that this is to keep them safe. All done calmly etc with no labelling of "naughty" behaviours/children.

What was your reason for deferring? Do you think that might have also held him back with some of the behaviours you mentioned?

We mainly deferred because that would be our baseline choice; we also deferred our daughter despite her being 'ready' in every sense and were so glad that we did. We didn't feel that our son was 'ready' in the same ways as she was (socially, emotionally or academically) and given that she had benefited so much from the extra nursery year it seemed like an obvious thing to do for him.
But to your second question... yes, maybe.

@CookTheRice

Yes the hitting does worry me, a lot. From what I have heard from him and staff, he only hits in response to being hit, he's not the initial perpetrator, but yes it still worries me.

Is it a mixed age-group at nursery? I'd be a bit worried if all the 4/5 year olds are constantly thumping each other . You expect the occasional wallop, but that's unusual for that age group.

I don't think him hitting in response to being hit, is necessarily a concern. Why should he stand there and let little Jimmy/Billy wallop him one?!

The other stuff I would say sounds completely normal for his age, but also there will be much older kids/teens who struggle with these things from a range of LD or ASD.

Try to stop comparing your Son, especially to your Daughter. Not always, but boys tend to be much clumsier/louder/fidgety etc anyway, so him being different to your daughter isn't cause for concern.

I have kids of the same sex and they are all different, despite being raised the same, so individual strengths/weaknesses/gifts/personalities will all play a part.

Yes it's a mixed age group. I don't know if it's constant thumping - just thinking back, I can think of 2 incidents that DS has been involved in since term started.
LazyYogi that's exactly how they do handle it!

Sounds like my daughter from 1.5-2.5 - she grew out of hitting pretty quickly. She's always been fussy with precise with food and clothes, and had to dress/feed herself -but then again she's now awaiting assessment for autism.

My NT son was hitting in reception (so five), I've noticed it's a more boy issue than girl one in general.

Aah I hadn't finished typing - I know many parents with kids in year 1 and 2 who need to nag their children to get dressed every day though! It's a huge range.

Sounds exactly like my DD2. She's 3yo, but I think that is beyond the point because the issue is not that your child can't do something, it's the attitude.

I think you mentioned you had other children? We think DD2 behaviour comes from having a baby sister. She actually keeps saying she wants to be a baby. Therefore she "can't" eat properly, dress herself, ....... She's able to do it but wants the attention. Sometimes wants the attention by being a bit naughty (btw I have been making sure she has plenty of attention but she got into a pattern with this that is difficult to break....... help!)

Could something like this be happening to your child?

Good luck :)

Assuming no SEN- Anywhere between 2 and 6

Excluding the hitting, and the last point, very similar to my DS who is 6. He can get very overexcited and silly and will use a spoon etc for food but isn’t great with cutlery generally. He’s pretty good at getting dressed independently though as long as it’s something he’s chosen, or school uniform.

The hitting would concern me, until you said it’s in retaliation? That’s not surprising really, if someone bashed me I’d be pretty angry and want to bash them back.

My DS stopped hitting us at just turned 4, there was one kicking incident at the very start of reception when he was 4, which from what the teacher told me was sort of in retaliation. Otherwise I’ve not once been told of him hitting in school and if he did I’d be very cross. He hits his younger sibling sometimes in retaliation but not all that often.

And I do actually suspect my DS may have some SEN, possibly ADHD, or dyspraxia.

I would say about 5-6.

Needing things done in the right order would be the big ASD red flag for me. Sounds a but like mine who I don't think would have been diagnosed at that age either - but was diagnosed with ASD and dyspraxia just before secondary school.

My advice would be to make a note of these things and then see how he develops. It often becomes a lot more obvious when they reach secondary school age.