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Original poster

Is it ever really possible to stay on good terms with the parents if your DC have fallen out?

16 replies

MonicaGellerCleans · 23/01/2022 19:40

Namechanged as this might make me identifiable......

DS is 13. For the past year or so a lad that he went to primary school with, and who is in his form group at school has been bullying him, and has got a group of other lads in their form group to do the same. He's quite a dominant boy and others all seem to do as he says. A variety of things happened including this other boy making posters about DS with DS's face on, and DS got punched in the face by this boy a few months ago.

We contacted the school a few times and each time they didn't want to speak to the bullying boys and just wanted to 'monitor the situation'. Eventually after DS got punched they did do something and the bullying has stopped. DS has plenty of mates but these are in other classes, however DS is leaving the school and moving to another one after the Easter holidays in part because of this situation and partly because we're not happy with the school as a whole.

Anyway, back to the topic, DS and the bullying boy were friends throughout primary school and obviously I've known the mum a long time. We're not best friends or anything like that but we've always got on fine if I've seen her, and we are FB friends. I hoped to avoid any drama or fall outs or anything like that and to just be friendly and polite if I saw her. We live in a small town and falling outs and people not getting on makes life awkward as everyone knows everyone else. Plus I just can't be bothered with drama.

I bumped into the mum a few weeks ago in the local shop for the first time since the bullying started. I said hello to her and she blanked me but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe she hadn't recognised me as I had a mask on. Saw her again yesterday in the local park and said hello and she just glared at me, rolled her eyes at her friend she was with, and carried on walking.

So I guess it's a case of if there are problems between kids then it's always inevitable that the parents will fall out? Like I said, I don't want to be best friends with her, or socialise with her or anything else. I was just hoping to avoid drama! I didn't approach her about her son's behaviour as I have learned in the past through various friends' experiences that approaching the parents of a child in these situations never goes well, and I thought because it was happening at school then the school were best placed to sort it, which they eventually did.

What would you do now? Do I just delete her from my FB and ignore her back next time I see her? I don't think I really want to get into a conversation with her about it all as I don't think it would achieve much.

OP posts:

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 23/01/2022 19:44

I’m going through something similar but much younger kids and the other mum isn’t aware what her son is doing to mine. Not even sure how to broach the subject and thinking of getting school involved, but it’s hard as we are good friends and our younger kids are great friends.

GrapefruitPink · 23/01/2022 19:48

I wouldn't delete her from social media, but I would ignore her.
You've tried to be civil when it's her child hurting your child. A lot of people wouldn't do that and I don't think I would.

Starynight282 · 23/01/2022 19:51

I'd ignore her too. I think she's shown her true colours. I actually wish I hasn't become close to DS's friends mums as now they're in secondary school and drifting apart and have issues it's become very difficult. It's hard to navigate your way out of.

Original poster

MonicaGellerCleans · 23/01/2022 19:54

I'm really disappointed tbh as I'd always thought she was really nice, and most of the time throughout primary school her son was a nice child, too. I guess the apple just hasn't fallen far from the tree here, I just didn't realise that the tree wasn't very nice in the first place.

OP posts:

HandWash · 23/01/2022 19:57

@MonicaGellerCleans

She just doesn't want to accept what her son has done. It's easier to vilify you and your son than have people think badly of her's.

DaftVader42 · 23/01/2022 20:01

Honestly I’d give her the benefit of the doubt. The version of events she’s been told by her DS is probably very different, kids are very good at playing innocent and denying culpability. I’d keep smiling in passing, but not do more than that. And I wouldn’t mention the bullying - there’s every chance the boys will get over it, and least said between the adults probably soonest mended. That’s assuming all bullying has stopped, obviously.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 23/01/2022 20:03

I wouldn't be polite to someone whose child is bullying mine. Fuck that.

TooWicked · 23/01/2022 20:06

Why would you keep someone on your social media and give them that insight into your life, when they can’t even say a civil hello to you in public?

Delete her and ignore her if you see her out.

ThePlantsitter · 23/01/2022 20:07

I don't understand this attitude either OP. After all, you are not the kids! Children are not grown up, that's why they're such dicks sometimes, but their parents are adults and surely are not having the argument between themselves. However I think we are in the minority.

My DD fell out with her best mate when they left primary school (actually her nest mate fell out with her - DD was pretty upset) and the mum, whom I thought I was good friends with, has not spoken to me since and blanked me/ignored my texts too. I think it's ridiculous but obviously I'm not going to push it.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 23/01/2022 20:07

I think in most cases it is, but somehow my mam is able to stay really good friends with everyone. Her best mates are my brother's ex-PILs even though the marriage ended very messily.

Original poster

MonicaGellerCleans · 23/01/2022 20:08

@DaftVader42

Well this is what I was thinking, too. I didn't want any words to be exchanged about it and then to make things worse. And yes, totally agree that she will have been told a different story by her DS. He's done things like stick his fingers up at DS when DS has been in the car with me at school collection time (had to start doing the school run by car as they were all being horrible to DS on the bus). I think she truly does not know what he's like, but I guess we are all blinkered about our kids to an extent.

OP posts:

thefourgp · 23/01/2022 20:14

She was rude to you - twice. Delete and ignore. The parents of bullies are often assholes too.

thefourgp · 23/01/2022 20:23

Also, her son bullied yours so badly you had to make repeated complaints to the school and it resulted in him feeling the need to change school. I don’t think staying friendly with her sends a good message to your son. I’m not saying your a bad parent - you clearly did the right thing by pursuing this with the school, but if your husband for example was being bullied by someone at work, I doubt he’d appreciate you being friendly with the bullies relative. Especially when the relative also treats you disrespectfully.

thefourgp · 23/01/2022 20:23

you’re - damn autocorrect - sorry

Original poster

MonicaGellerCleans · 23/01/2022 20:29

@thefourgp

Very good point!

I guess I was trying to behave in an adulty way, minimise drama and fall outs etc but like you say, this doesn't send a great message to my son.

God, it's hard to know what to do for the best in life sometimes isn't it?!

OP posts:

Original poster

MonicaGellerCleans · 24/01/2022 11:42

Well she's deleted me from FB so that saves me having to decide on that! Haha!

OP posts:

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