Borderline personality disorder

[A580Hojas]

I'm trying to understand this disorder as it affects my family.

If you or anyone in your family or your partner suffers from BPD, how do you cope with it, what therapies/treatments are in place, where does it stem from?

I am here to listen and would be SO grateful for any insights you can give. I don't have it, I am trying to understand it.

Thank you if you can share.

perhaps I should have put this in mental health, but quiet bump in case anyone is out there and reading ...

I suspect I have it though no confirmation as they suspected before I was old enough to get a diagnosis.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on top of things and everything is OK.

But other times I feel everything is on top of me, I feel hollow and empty with no personality or hobbies of my own and the world is literally squeezing me dry.

I get mini obsessions with certain topics so I'll obsessively watch a show or listen to a group or researched a topic 24/7, until the next ones along. I nearly become an 'exert' in that subject temporarily.

Friendships are often intense. I'll have one friend possibly two, that I talk to daily multiple times and have a strong connection with.

Until I get close to someone else and they become the new close person, but often one of the old best friends will come back again for this role.

My self esteem is nonexistent. My self belief is worse. I do try but every time I think things are/will go well, it turns to crap.

I grew up with a very erratic, violent and disturbed sister who was much older than me. (8 years).

An emotionally distant Dad and an emotionally dependent Mum.

Just for context.

I have BPD and have had a very turbulent life as a result- where did it come from- biology? Traumatic childhood? Who knows. Anyway, DBT changed my life and is the only type of therapy I've ever had that has made an impact. Fully recommend.

Pleased to say I have a much calmer, nicer life in my 30s. It can still be challenging though- I feel things ten times more sensitively than others- extreme emotions and I have to work hard to keep on top of it.

@pupcakes, how do you know you feel things 10 times more than others? I'm not doubting you, just interested in what evidence you may have for thinking that.

My DD hasn’t been diagnosed with BPD but had DBT for depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts etc. As a parent the psych team offered ‘understanding DBT’ course, which has been very much about BPD, so I’m wondering if she should have been diagnosed with BPD. She’s finished her DBT course now and She says it’s been amazing. However, She sometimes seems ok and other times far from it. She certainly finds it difficult to regulate emotions. There’s no respite either. I’d say she’s 10 times more sensitive than others @user1471453601 and @pupcakes The course suggested that ppl also have a great fear of abandonment- not sure DD has this aspect but it seems to be a common issue in others.

My best friend has it, we’ve been friends since we were 12, now in our 30’s, and she was diagnosed about 10 years ago.

A lot of what @DiscordandRhyme says about her own experience sounds like my friend. As teenagers she was obsessed, to a worrying point, about one particular boy, and a band. When she told me her diagnosis and I read about it myself l, everything from when we were kids, that I looked back on as an adult think it was strange, made total sense.

As adults we live hours apart and I know she still has her struggles at times but she says herself she manages much better now her medication is under control. She also has therapy and talks openly about her diagnosis, using her work as a writer to help with that (let me know if you want some links and I will PM you).

I’m not dealing with it day to day like you are but she’s my best friend in the whole world, my absolute ride or die. I worry about her if I know she’s got some high stress situation going on, like a recent break up, but I don’t worry constantly anymore like I used to.

I’d be interested in any links you may have please @icebearforpresident

I have BPD, I was diagnosed 7 years ago. I get angry and it can be really hard to deal with that anger but the medication has calmed it right down now. I get easily flustered though and start panicking. I worry all the time about everything and the smallest thing is an absolute disaster. It is mentally exhausting.
I don't go out especially not where people are. I can sit upstairs in my bedroom and if I don't see DH I will start convincing myself he's died and I can't go downstairs to check. I need him to be accessible to me at all times as I honestly can't cope without him and he knows how I work and can calm me down quicker than anyone else.
I don't tend to get along with people and only really have one good friend at a time but the friendships are strong and intense (possibly not helped right now by the fact that my best friend also has BPD).
I am pretty much unable to look after myself and my husband is my carer now.
I don't lash out at other people though, in fact I'd rather die than get into a confrontation and even with DH I tend to turn to self harm rather than raging against him.
It's like feeling every emotion possible all turned up to 100 and with no way of turning the dial down. It's incredibly overwhelming. I was a lot worse before I was put on the medication I'm on now though (Quetiapine and Fluoxetine) but I don't engage with doctors due to my MH and having been constantly pushed from pillar to post by them in the past. I just stay at home where it's safe in my little bubble.

I have a couple close relatives with it.

They can struggle with relationships. I usually manage to keep them intact, sometimes where other family members haven't, but I think you need to have a strong sense of your own boundaries, and also the other person's boundaries. I'd find it difficult with a spouse for that reason.

[quote user1471453601]@pupcakes, how do you know you feel things 10 times more than others? I'm not doubting you, just interested in what evidence you may have for thinking that.[/quote]
@user1471453601 obviously this is just my own opinion, but having seen my reactions compared to that of my friends and loved ones throughout my life it's been very clear to see the marked differences. I have very heightened emotions and really struggle to regulate them, and I take a lot longer to get over things than others do.

It’s a known fact pupcakes - it’s a well researched aspect of BPD. @user1471453601 anyone diagnosed with BPD will struggle hugely with regulating their emotions. They feel things very deeply - there’s a rawness, if that makes sense. It’s very well documented snd not something pupcakes has invented for herself.

@NotDonna, I thought I'd gone out of my way to say I wasn't suggesting pup cakes was making anything up. Her feelings are hers, they are not mine to speculate about.

I was interested what had led her to believe she felt things more than most. I have an interest in how people perceive themselves in comparison to others.

I hope someone picks this up, I can see this thread ended a while ago. My DH is having sporadic therapy, I had never heard of BPD until a week ago and my God does he fit the bill. I do not know if he is or even heard of it himself, I want to share with him what I have learnt but am too scared to, don't worry there are no domestic violence issues but I pretty confident how he'll react and I am cautious to the point of not saying a word. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

@KilljoysDutch @icebearforpresident I havent heard of any medication for BPD. Do you mind sharing the name.

Quetiapine