Preschool child hates school

[Yumchips]

Just wanted some general advice.

My preschooler (will be 4 in March) hates school. She's been going for 4 months and at first was fine (ish) with it but overtime her behaviour is worse with not wanting to go. I try and have everything organised the night before to keep the mood light and easy to reduce my own stress. However her hatred of school is now bleeding Into her sleep routine and tantrums at bedtime after checking with me if tomorrow is a school day or not. Any advice from anyone please? I find her own stress makes me feel stressed and dread the morning drop offs because it's so fractious. Thank you

I would speak to the school and see what they say/suggest. If this is a school that she will be at all through primary I would pay close attention to the attitude of the school/staff on this because if its isn't helpful you may want to reconsider this school for her altogether.

If you don't find the nursery helpful I would remover her, go back to the childminder and start looking for an alternative school place for the summer term/reception.

I would switch to a different school. My little one was terrified to go to nursery school, switched to a different one and he’s attending quite happily and even asking to go at weekends. Never found out why he was scared of the other place, we think either another child was bullying him or a teacher had yelled at him. Listen to your child when they tell you something - if your daughter says it’s scary there’s a reason she’s saying that.

How many staff are there per number of children? My own experience of a nursery school was that for some reason they could have a lower adult:child ratio than a nursery or preschool setting and also that they were stricter. A nursery school setting is so different to a home based childminder and it’s a long day for her.

Can her cm take her to a preschool with a shorter day? She’s still getting the benefit of a group setting but for a shorter day probably

My relative is a primary school teacher and she says that a child who cries going in to school is quite usual - sometimes they’re fine at nursery/school but would rather be with parents so cry. However, these children usually are very happy at pick up time. She says they focus on the children who are unhappy at pick up time and take that as a sign something isn’t right for the child.

Agree with pps that if changing the setting is an option you should do it. My son had a nursery he absolutely hated. I think because it was quite strict, not much to do and he hated the food. I moved him to another one which was a lot more relaxed (with different zones they could choose where to play etc) and it was like dropping off a different child.
I really feel for you, it's absolutely horrible dropping them off when they hate it. Hugs x

Thank so much everyone, all your responses are so heartening. We didn't make her go to school today and she is with her childminder instead, she's practically skipped in. she really is a different child when it comes to school. I've spoken to the school and her class teacher will phone me today to discuss. But I have to say I feel that I've made up my mind and don't want to continue here as they have been quite dismissive anytime I have spoken to them about issues to do her wellbeing. My gut instinct says this isn't the right setting for her. And I'm scared that she will entrench her views and think she hates school when she could be happy in a different environment. Fingers crossed it's a step in the right direction. Anyways I will update after speaking to the teacher today!

@GrapefruitPink it's me, my husband and daughter. We have a stable home environment If that makes a difference. She's been with a childminder since she was 11 months old and she loves them like she would love family. She also sees grandparents regularly and is comfortable going off with them to the shops and to do a sleepover without any fuss or upset.

she's practically skipped in

I bet this made you so happy this morning.

And I'm scared that she will entrench her views and think she hates school when she could be happy in a different environment

Just remember that she is just 3. My son is and I don't think he is anywhere near ready for a school nursery so he's still in his private one.
A lot can change in a year when it's time for her to start reception and she may feel totally ready then.

@Abracadabra12345
She's in a nursery class of 20 but not every child attends everyday (most kids do 3 days, we do Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays). Mondays are quiet from what I can tell at drop off, with Tuesday and Wednesday busier. It's 1 teacher and 2 teaching assistants in the class at all times.

@GrapefruitPink

My heart felt like it could burst to see her looking so happy and secure, so so reassuring.

I agree a lot can change and my gut says to let her enjoy the childminder until reception year and enrol her in something more stretching at the weekends such as swimming (or something she is keen to do) to keep her stimulated and stretched.

@Yumchips

Thank so much everyone, all your responses are so heartening. We didn't make her go to school today and she is with her childminder instead, she's practically skipped in. she really is a different child when it comes to school. I've spoken to the school and her class teacher will phone me today to discuss. But I have to say I feel that I've made up my mind and don't want to continue here as they have been quite dismissive anytime I have spoken to them about issues to do her wellbeing. My gut instinct says this isn't the right setting for her. And I'm scared that she will entrench her views and think she hates school when she could be happy in a different environment. Fingers crossed it's a step in the right direction. Anyways I will update after speaking to the teacher today!

Good luck with your phone discussion, I hope they aren’t dismissive of your concerns this time. I think you’re a great and caring mother and if your gut instinct is telling you something, it’s usually because it’s right!

Well done OP! It's not easy not to just continue on. Great to think of her so happy and probably relieved this morning. I was surprised when you said nothing much had been said at school, considering this has been an issue for 4m. Best of luck! Your daughter is lucky to have you.

I though I'd give a short update to say that it transpires there is an issue at the school for DD and turns out she is scared of two particular children in her class. She had mentioned two isolated incidents in November and I had spoken to her class teacher about it at the time. It wasn't discussed again and DD hadn't bought it up since so I assumed all was fine (though I wasn't confident she was enjoying school). It's taken hours of coaxing and some role play but she is terrified of them and hence scared to go to school. I've escalated the issue and it's gone to the head teacher who I've been liaising with. Turns out the individuals concerned are already under a behavioural plan (or something along those lines) but the school hadn't realised at all that DD had been affected it their behaviour. I feel a bit rubbish for not picking it up earlier but glad DD is taking a break from school and with her her childminder who makes her very happy and feel secure.

Thank you @Abracadabra12345 and @HeyGirlHeyBoy, I'm going to pretend your comments didn't make me want to cry a little bit

Oh wow. Well done OP. It did sound like there was something, especially the word 'scary'. Keep with your gut no matter the outcome.