Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Can a 4 year old be depressed?

12 replies

ElliotGoss · 23/01/2022 13:15

I am 8 months pregnant and she started school in Septemeber. We moved house about a year ago. So there has been a lot of change.
I am really concerned about DD's mental health. She is very tearful a lot of the time and very negative. She no longer wants to attend her activities which she has always enjoyed. She never wants to play anything (she has lots of choice of toys and I always play with her). She doesn't want to eat anything, even food she has always enjoyed. Getting her to read for school is torture despite her being quite capable.

She is like a baby in lots of ways, this is totally my fault as I still get her dressed as we are often running late for breakfast club as she takes so long to eat her breakfast. Same with dinner and bedtime.

All she wants to do is spend time with her cousin (3 years old) but this often ends in tears because she is either unkind or very oversensitive. She whinges for screens constantly even though I do my best to limit it and offer a range of activities. She has a playroom of basically untouched toys.

She used to constantly ask about having a baby brother but has shown no excitement and has said the baby can't live with us. I try to include her in baby things like picking the pram etc and try to talk very positively about her helping when the baby gets here while reassuring her I will still be spending lots of time with her.

She is so sad and disengaged. She used to be such a happy joyful little girl and now she is surly and miserable. I feel so awful for her as everyone finds her hardwork to look after now because of the constant crying. I need any advice. Please be gentle, I feel like the worst mother in the world.

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 23/01/2022 13:40

I would suggest she's feeling g anxious about the new baby? Maybe she thinks you won't love her anymore. Keep her involved in the process, could she help you choose clothes and toys for the new baby?

ElliotGoss · 23/01/2022 13:46

@Georgeskitchen

I would suggest she's feeling g anxious about the new baby? Maybe she thinks you won't love her anymore. Keep her involved in the process, could she help you choose clothes and toys for the new baby?
I agree that she is anxious. I have involved her in baby things like clothes and toys. As much as is appropriate really.
OP posts:
GrapefruitPink · 23/01/2022 13:49

She's had a lot of change and new recently.
Starting school can be scary for them and they don't always settle straight away, new house and now a new baby coming.

Has school said anything about how she is there?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Onatree · 23/01/2022 13:51

In addition to involving her in all things baby - perhaps try involving her in specific plans to do with her over the next weeks/months which do not involve baby as centrepiece. I am not saying to come to up with planning that particularly erases baby (which would be all sorts of wrong) - but rather unrelated things - a show you could book for her to see with a relative/your partner on X date, an activity to go to at Y venue in X weeks, just planning around her interests where the future - her future - isn’t solely “planning for baby/the future is baby” - but HER future too - as far forward as her 4 year old eyes can see.

Chuechebache · 23/01/2022 13:54

@Georgeskitchen

I would suggest she's feeling g anxious about the new baby? Maybe she thinks you won't love her anymore. Keep her involved in the process, could she help you choose clothes and toys for the new baby?
This^.I dont think your DD is depressed.A depressed child is withdrawn,quiet and usually doesnt cry(not in front of people anyway).
HeidiHaus · 23/01/2022 14:02

I'm not saying this is the case for your DD but it is possible for a 4 year old to be depressed.
It does sound like some anxieties around all the recent change but definitely something to keep an eye on. I think we make the mistake of brushing things off because of their age and assuming in general that children are more 'resilient' than they are. I would mention your concerns to school in the first instance.

Mirrormirrorontheball · 23/01/2022 15:16

They can certainly be sad. Being consistent, cheerful and keep going with as many of the activities as possible. Sometimes, it’s a phase. Sometimes, it’s a reaction- could be to a new baby.

Seeingadistance · 23/01/2022 16:14

It would be worth taking her to the GP to see if any medical reason for this in addition to all the changes in her life. When my son was similar age he became very down and tearful, and it turned out to be a urine infection. UTI's can have a significant impact on the mood of small children.

dressicarabbit · 23/01/2022 16:20

Definitely ask school - it's possible she's bottling up lots of angst and letting it all out with you.

I have a 4yro too - also wants me to dress her, undress her, baby her a lot. Also a bit of a night mare with her younger cousin! But is mostly cheery and calm so I'm not worried.

If she seemed unhappy on top I would go to school and GP. They might suggest some gentle play therapy or maybe therapy for you to support you through it all.

superplumb · 23/01/2022 16:30

Dont know about depression bit my 2nd son came along when my eldest was 2. That was also after a house move. I tried to involve him in baby stuff but he wasnt interested. A hv suggested buying toy prams and taking him out for a walk so he could push it but he wasnt interested . Baby came along and he hated him for around a month but slowly carefully warmed to him. Children are resilient but also sensitive and sometimes they cant express their feelings. Can you take her for a walk someone and try to talk to her away from distractions? Even now my eldest will only really open up when hes in bed and I'm reading him a storyxx

thebabessavedme · 23/01/2022 17:18

My dm always advises that when a new baby arrives it should come home with a present for the older sibling, it does help smooth things a little, then encourage the child to 'help' mummy, give loads of praise and cuddles, she will be ok.

RoyKent · 23/01/2022 17:42

You sound like a brilliant mother. Could you start giving her some chores to build independence?
"DD could you put your socks away?"
"Oh brilliant, I knew you would do a fabulous job! What a helpful little girl you are- could you help me with that next time?"

New posts on this thread. Refresh page