“You complete me” “you are the best part of me”

[Mymindisblown]

Are these really the best things we can teach our children???

I won’t be.

I definitely don't teach my children that, quite the opposite. If a man said that to me, I'd tell him to get a grip.

I get you. Films, songs and TV seem to really push this idea, and children's TV/films are no exception. It's kind of why I liked Frozen for being a little different, because Elsa didn't just say congratulations to Anna for getting engaged the same day she met someone, and it was also their sisterly love that came through in the end.

When you are fed a certain narrative all the time it becomes harder to ignore.

A horrible saying. Explains why so many women feel obliged to be in relationships that may not be good for them.

Does anyone actually say that shit? Or buy those cards?

@StellaGibs

I get you. Films, songs and TV seem to really push this idea, and children's TV/films are no exception. It's kind of why I liked Frozen for being a little different, because Elsa didn't just say congratulations to Anna for getting engaged the same day she met someone, and it was also their sisterly love that came through in the end.

When you are fed a certain narrative all the time it becomes harder to ignore.

I was glad they did that in Frozen as well.

Also, when I was a teen, even teachers would say "when you get married and have children"....

My parents actively taught me against this. I was always told never to worship / depend on anyone else. If someone wants to leave you - let them. Do not beg someone to stay who has made it clear they don't even like you, much less love you. The first time someone raises their hand to you, is the last time because you never, ever see that person again. I thought everyone's parents taught them this but from perusing the relationship board I can see that's very much not the case!

Are you talking about valentines cards? Sending them to your kids is weird.

I can't imagine even thinking it, much less saying it.
The only way my DH completes me is when he brings me cake with my coffee.

It's sentimental claptrap.

I agree and even though parents are not teaching that they will learn it from all sorts of places. Having another person is lovely but not the be all and end all.

It’s a lot of bollocks.

But then, I managed to marry two absolute twats so might be bitter.

@Sloughsabigplace I can understand that. The wrong person can be damaging.

@ghostmouse

I’ve always thought that other half means just that..the other half of a couple..there’s just the two of you in a romantic relationship I’ve never took it as it’s the other half of a person

Yeah that’s what I always thought. I never thought that anyone saying it meant “I was literally half a person before I met them”.

just came across this just now and seems appropriate

This is definitely a 'thing' that is said between partners. I'm slightly baffled that so many posters are claiming that they have 'never' heard of such a thing.

I am a Celebrant and couples will often use words like this in their wedding vows (I don't judge them for it, it's not my place to). Words like 'I was lost until you walked into my life and made me complete' or 'we are two halves of a whole' and 'the jigsaw of my life was missing one piece...and then you came along to complete it'. And many, many variations on the theme 🤷‍♀️

It's what 'some' loved-up romantic partners do say to each other. I'm sure that most of them lead fully functional, independent lives. At least...I hope so.

(My private opinion is that I would not use words like this...but I'm not the kind of person who talks like that anyway, and I wouldn't be with anyone who 'actually needed' me in order to make them whole...that's a completely different level).

It’s codependency dressed up as romance.

I don't know anyone soppy enough to say that to their partners, we've all been married or partnered up a long time.

DH likes to choose nice cards with thoughtful words and I like funny cards and write thoughtful words inside.

There’s also a trend of referring to a romantic partner as your king/queen. 😳

Are you meaning valentine's cards? The ones that say this stuff made me cringe and I'd be horrified if my husband gave me one.

However I do think that a relationship with the right person can bring out the best in you, and I'm happy to teach my kids that.

Oh I hear it all the time. It’s also spread across my Facebook from friends all the time. I personally think it’s quite a dangerous thing to say especially to the wrong person. It’s screams codependent and narcissist to me. It kind of sounds like they not a whole on their own and they looking for something to fix the parts of them they should be fixing on their own.

Well I have certainly heard those words from my abusive ex husband. I got sucked into it and it made a whole heap of mess as I believed I was fixing him.

It’s not something I’d say but I also can’t see a market for valentines cards that say

I love you and I’m happy to have you but I’d be ok without you too 💌

I looked for a good 35+ years for someone to complete/fix me be my better half and it was a disaster.