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Original poster

Partner passed away

25 replies

Funkymonkry1995 · 22/01/2022 08:50

My Partner passed away over the weekend he was in a car accident he was 34.

We have a 2yr old who is his by blood and an 8yr old that saw him as a dad (hasn't seen real dad since he was 2).

Im really struggling to see how I can carry on. My partner used to do everything for us. He worked he paid all the bills he done all the phone calls. All I did was bring the kids up. I realise now what an easy life I had.

But now I've got to step up and I'm worried, I've only ever had a few short term jobs like warehouse work. I had my first son when I was 18 and second at 25. I'm now 26 and I feel so stupid like I have no life skills. I cant think of any job that I would like doing that also works around the kids . Does it get easier my 2yr old can sense something is wrong. My 8yr old is staying strong for me. But im so lost.

OP posts:
marchingtotheend2021 · 22/01/2022 08:52

@Funkymonkry1995

My Partner passed away over the weekend he was in a car accident he was 34.

We have a 2yr old who is his by blood and an 8yr old that saw him as a dad (hasn't seen real dad since he was 2).

Im really struggling to see how I can carry on. My partner used to do everything for us. He worked he paid all the bills he done all the phone calls. All I did was bring the kids up. I realise now what an easy life I had.

But now I've got to step up and I'm worried, I've only ever had a few short term jobs like warehouse work. I had my first son when I was 18 and second at 25. I'm now 26 and I feel so stupid like I have no life skills. I cant think of any job that I would like doing that also works around the kids . Does it get easier my 2yr old can sense something is wrong. My 8yr old is staying strong for me. But im so lost.

Oh op I'm Sorry to hear about the loss of your partner Thanks Xx I hope everything will work out ok for you. Best wishes and a virtual hug.
PersonaNonGarter · 22/01/2022 08:56

Oh OP FlowersBrew

So sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself. You are so young you can be anything or do anything - there is so much time.

But right now - just focus on getting through the next short period, however long - five minutes, an afternoon, whatever. You are amazing and you are going to be fine and your children will be too. Just do what you need to do to get through.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 22/01/2022 08:57

I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

Do you know if your partner had any life insurance or death in service benefits (through work) that you were named as next of kin or beneficiary on?

I know it must be so difficult to focus on any of the financials but it is important you try to get a handle on it so it doesn't cause you more stress in the coming weeks, is there anyone who can help you to sign up for universal credits or look into the paperwork for his accounts to figure out exactly what the financial situation is for you?

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 22/01/2022 08:58

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Focusing on the practical things you can do at the moment might be helpful. Do you have any income at the moment? If not apply for Universal credit, and child benefit of you don't already claim it - it takes a few weeks to sort so do it sooner rather than later.
You have a tiny baby so there won't be any pressure for you to get a job right now but when you do their are childcare vouchers that can be used to support your return to work.

Supermarket work would be good in your situation, they can be over lots of various shifts and can often be fairly flexible without the need for lots of experience. It may not be your ideal job but it's a job that might be ideal for you in the short term.

Don't forget to ask for help if you need it, I'm sure there will be people around you who will want to support you.

Shapiro · 22/01/2022 08:58

Who is the executor of his will? Have they been in touch?

FindingMeno · 22/01/2022 09:03

I'm so sorry.
You need to see if anyone can help - family or friends to help you sort out finances.
What a terrible shock you have had. It may take a while to process Flowers

silentpool · 22/01/2022 09:06

OP, I'm really sorry to hear this. Flowers

I would ask to have your thread moved over to Bereavement as some of the people (who've lost partners) on there will be able to give you more practical advice and support about managing.

Ovenaffray · 22/01/2022 09:06

I’m sorry for your loss.

VanCleefArpels · 22/01/2022 09:11

One thing at a time - give yourself time to grieve before tackling those other big things.

Please accept offers of help with all the admin side of things. It will take a load off your shoulders.

Have a look at this

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/what-to-do-after-a-death/

Priority is for you to get some income coming in so make it a priority to claim Universal Credit (if you don’t claim already) - loads of info on the CAB website as above

Original poster
Funkymonkry1995 · 22/01/2022 09:21

Hey I was his next of kin at work but that's it he did tell me I was on the beneficiary but work can't seem it find it. He didn't have a will. So I'm not sure who the money would go to really

OP posts:
gogohm · 22/01/2022 09:38

So sorry for your loss. But you can do this. Start my supporting your children, but then you need to get your finances sorted, initially benefits will pay but you can then work on your skills to get a job to support your children, think about what you enjoy, what attributes you have, what did you dream about doing as a teenager... you can get more qualifications, do a work based apprenticeship, and work your way up. You can do this. Take care and don't rush yourself, it's a huge shock but try to remember you can do this

gogohm · 22/01/2022 09:39

Money would go to his child if there's no documentation

PenStation · 22/01/2022 09:44

I am sorry for your loss. Can anyone be with you?

To sort the financials, please google citizens advice for your area. They will be able to do a benefit check. Help you apply for them, maybe offer you fuel vouchers and help you unpick the legal side of wills, life insurance etc. I think we all need a hand hold at these times and I found their volunteers to be kind and knowledgeable.

Original poster
Funkymonkry1995 · 22/01/2022 09:55

Hey I was told it would go to his son as he his the closest relative left but because he's only 2 it would go to his Guardian as in me?
And yes I am focusing on the kids there doing fine, but I keep breaking down I can't see how I'm going to carry on my life without him 😔

OP posts:
shedevill · 22/01/2022 09:57

So awfully sorry. Yes, you can do this. Sadly, this is not the first or last time people have been bereaved shockingly young with children. The job will come, the money will come, but give yourself time to grieve. Reach out to and lean on absolutely everyone that you can to sort the practicalities for now, to make you batch meals and clean your house and take care of your kids to give you space to begin to make sense of this. Things will fall into place, but it will take time. Little steps

VanCleefArpels · 22/01/2022 10:00

You would hold money left to his child as a trustee until they are 18 and it won’t be yours to spend. You will probably need legal advice about this.

AgileSlug · 22/01/2022 10:13

I am so, so sorry. Sending love.

wishthiswasreallife · 22/01/2022 10:18

I'm so sorry, I have no practical advice but I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and your lovely family x

Snowywintersundays123 · 22/01/2022 10:19

Hi op so sorry to hear that apply for this in the first www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment
Did he have life insurance? Mortgage insurance?

LunaTheCat · 22/01/2022 10:20

Can’t read and not reply
Take care, one step, one hr at a time.
Try to get someone to help sorting financial stuff and children
Sit, weep, talk, try to sleep so get some rest. You are still in shock.
Hugs and feel all the imaginary arms around you here.

Kite22 · 22/01/2022 10:28

I am so sorry this has happened.

There has been some great advice already , but I would also suggest getting in touch with WAY.
(Widowed and Young).

The are an organisation specifically for anyone under 51 who has lost a partner. They will have advice for the practical things and support for you emotionally.

GrazingSheep · 22/01/2022 10:49

This is so sad to read.
Have you family who can support you ?

Kona84 · 22/01/2022 11:07

Have a look into claiming this too
www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 22/01/2022 11:10

So sorry to read this. Thanks

notapizzaeater · 22/01/2022 11:27

The death in service benefit is outside of his estate. He might have filled a declaration in asking fir you to get this but the trustees can (with a good reason overule this)

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