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Original poster

What is the UK birthday party etiquette

39 replies

edgeware · 21/01/2022 13:10

regarding presents and cake at a child’s party?

When I was little (not in the UK), I would unwrap presents as soon as I received them at my party. That’s what everyone did.
What is normal here? Do your put them all on a table wrapped and not unwrap until after people have left? Do I need to actively make sure my DS doesn’t open any presents he receives at his party?

Similar question about cake - does cutting the cake mean the party is finished?! Does it need to be done last?

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 21/01/2022 13:13

I don’t really think it matters. I usually give cake out with the birthday tea/food, but I know some people cut it and give it out to take home. If there are lots of presents I might leave the opening until later just because it’s a bit boring otherwise for everyone to sit watching the child open gifts rather than doing birthday games. But if you want to open them as you get them don’t think that’s an issue either!

So yeah just do what you’d prefer. Nobody’s going to be muttering ‘oh she doesn’t know the birthday rules.’

macaronip1e · 21/01/2022 13:23

Present opening is usually done after the party (perhaps unless small party, or maybe family party).

I think you can deal with the cake as you like! Normally candles blown after party food, and can be cut and eaten then, or cut and put in party bags.

Rainallnight · 21/01/2022 13:27

Party bags are the signal that the party is over!

Cake and presents you can do as you like.

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Comedycook · 21/01/2022 13:30

Present opening after the party.

Cake presented towards the end of the party... everyone sings happy birthday. Cake is cut and wrapped up for guests to take home. Usually the cake isn't actually eaten during the party

Bambi7 · 21/01/2022 13:30

When guests arrive they usually put the birthday child's present onto a table. We put our table near the entrance. It could be a small table, it doesn't matter as presents can be left beside it on the floor.

In my experience children do not open the presents until after the party. It's actively discouraged.

Cake is brought into the room after the children finish lunch, they sing happy birthday and then the cake gets cut up and put into party bags.

ilovebagpuss · 21/01/2022 13:32

If it was a big party we would thank and take the presents home to open so the kids could get going on the games or bouncy castle.
Cake was usually cut up towards the end and wrapped in a napkin for the party bags as small children don’t tend to eat much at parties so they had it later.
However some people had cake as the sweet after the birthday food doesn’t matter really

Mosaic123 · 21/01/2022 13:34

Children should definitely open presents after the party.

That way if they get two of something, a very generous or something they don't like (this might show in their face) there is no embarrassment for the givers.

Aworldofmyown · 21/01/2022 13:34

We don't do presents until after. I worry about opening them together. I've also had a few parties where a child had not brought a gift, totally fine, but could make them feel awkward.

MacaroniCheeseCat · 21/01/2022 13:35

We would normally not open presents during the party. But at our DC’s parties, and all the others we’ve been to at people’s houses, the cake is brought out after the food, you sing, and then the cake is served.

When I was a kid, cake always went home in party bags and I know some of our soft plays here won’t allow a cake to be sliced so you have to take in cupcakes if you have a party there, which are then put in party bags. But for a home party people seem to just serve it.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 21/01/2022 13:36

Presents after unless small family (grown up relations) type party.
Some children struggle with others having gifts and it's hard for them to sit and watch someone get lots f presents. Plus you canr guarantee the tactfulness of the birthday child or their friends at time Confused Grin
Blowing out candles the end of food and then cake cut up while final game ready to pop into party bags (unless you have pre cut cake or buns to put in)

Seashore2018 · 21/01/2022 13:51

I grew up in a culture where it was the norm to open one's presents at the party where everyone could ooh and aah over them. Moved to the UK, let 3 yo DC open their presents in front of everyone without realising it wasn't the done thing here. Big mistake, other children played with and broke half of them, to the chagrin of DC. Have now learnt the British way of tucking presents carefully out of sight until guests have gone home.

EileenGC · 21/01/2022 13:55

Cake is cut and wrapped up for guests to take home. Usually the cake isn't actually eaten during the party

This was one of the biggest culture shocks I had when moving to England! Still blows my mind that some people don’t just sit down and enjoy freshly baked cake, surely it’ll be all messy and mushy by the time it gets home in a plastic bag. What happens if the cake is covered in cream or fruit or there’s chocolate syrup on top? Doesn’t it disintegrate in anything other than a plate?

Phalarope · 21/01/2022 13:55

Loathe cake in napkins in party bags - all grim and squished and instantly stale, plus more work for the host. Round here cake cutting is near the end - everyone eats it - bit more playing - party bags handed out and off you go.

Spinnier · 21/01/2022 13:58

I think opening presents is good, but only if it's a small party. If you've invited 30 children then don't.

If your DC does unwrap any then an adult needs to remember or write down who it was from. Then it's good practice either to text thanks for the gift to the parent, or for birthday child to give a written thank you note to guest child later. It doesn't always happen but it's always appreciated.

BooksAndHooks · 21/01/2022 14:01

Presents opened afterwards, saves any awkward situations with duplicated or re-gifted presents.

Cake is usually near the end and wrapped up and put in party bags as they leave.

Just10moreminutesplease · 21/01/2022 14:01

@EileenGC

Cake is cut and wrapped up for guests to take home. Usually the cake isn't actually eaten during the party

This was one of the biggest culture shocks I had when moving to England! Still blows my mind that some people don’t just sit down and enjoy freshly baked cake, surely it’ll be all messy and mushy by the time it gets home in a plastic bag. What happens if the cake is covered in cream or fruit or there’s chocolate syrup on top? Doesn’t it disintegrate in anything other than a plate?

When I was little it was always cake with royal icing which kept the cake somewhat together. It got a bit mushed but no fruit or cream to disintegrate.

I think more people do fancy cakes nowadays which are more likely to be eaten at the party.

I’m nostalgic for a slice of old school birthday cake now Grin.

MarshaBradyo · 21/01/2022 14:02

Usually presents afterwards

Cake towards the end

Move to party bags means time to go

MarshaBradyo · 21/01/2022 14:04

We usually do offer the cake though at the party and had the same at most parties

HoneyFlowers · 21/01/2022 14:05

Lots of things about kids parties these days I don't understand...

Why invites have to be given out discreetly.

Why it is expected to invite EVERYONE, even kids your child doesn't like in the class.

Why parents march out the door after the sight of the party bag and don't say thank you.

I could go on and on.

Sally872 · 21/01/2022 14:05

For family party we would open gifts in front of guests as grandparents and aunties/uncles like to see them open.

If it's a children's party then after the party as a bit boring for the other kids.

Cake whenever suits and party bags are signal party is over.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 21/01/2022 14:07

Presents left to be opened later.
Usually the cake is cut at the party and everyone is given some, including any adults hanging around.
Party bags at the end.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 21/01/2022 14:08

I think these are traditions it's fine to change now and that few people regard as cultural norms - squashed party bag cake and not opening presents in front of givers are 1970s and '80s not set in stone!

We always made the presents into a treasure hunt (each child hid their present when they arrived) which made it into a game. That only works if the party is at home with ten children or fewer but was always a hit. I've never known a child turn up without a present even if it's just a bag of haribo or bar of chocolate (which tbh are perfectly acceptable presents and cost less than a card) though.

inappropriateraspberry · 21/01/2022 14:13

At a larger children's party (usually in a hall or large space) -
Presents are usually piled up in a corner/on a table to be opened later when guests have gone. The whole party would be taken up with unwrapping and playing with the gifts. This also can create arguments over whose playing with what. Saves a lot of hassle and upset! They can also be saved for actual birthday if party is on a different day, or if birthday child is exhausted! Cake can be eaten with/after the party food or cut up and put in the party bags. Whichever you'd prefer. I find putting it in the bags is better as most is left half eaten or dropped on the floor otherwise!
Smaller or family gathering -
open presents as they're given to thank everyone. Cake usually cut and eaten at the party.

inappropriateraspberry · 21/01/2022 14:15

@EileenGC

Cake is cut and wrapped up for guests to take home. Usually the cake isn't actually eaten during the party

This was one of the biggest culture shocks I had when moving to England! Still blows my mind that some people don’t just sit down and enjoy freshly baked cake, surely it’ll be all messy and mushy by the time it gets home in a plastic bag. What happens if the cake is covered in cream or fruit or there’s chocolate syrup on top? Doesn’t it disintegrate in anything other than a plate?

Children's birthday cakes are usually made the day before anyway and would just be buttercream or fondant icing. They're not fussy if it's a bit squashed! Different if just a few family members and more adults are there. Then we'd sit down with tea and cake.
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/01/2022 14:15

Presents opened later- and a thank you WhatsApp sent to the sender.
Cake- blow out the candles- cut and put in the party bag, more recently though I’ve been to parties where they haven’t and instead they put cupcakes in the bags and left the big cake for the family later (hate this)