birth question

[Sally202021]

I'm wondering due to the nature of my birth I did not connect with my baby straight away it made me feel like 'im not normal for not connecting straight away'
Did anyone else experience this or does anyone know anyone else who experienced this?
Thanks in advance

It is a complete myth that a mother falls instantly in love with her baby. Or even connect. That’s regardless of any impact of the nature of the birth. I was very glad that during my pregnancy I’d seen many women discussing this on line.

I felt like I’d been given a baby to look after. A lovely little thing, and I was happy to do so. But I felt no “ownership” of her! No connection. About 5 days in she got the hiccups - as she did this loads in utero, it was the first moment I thought, “well hello you! You’re the one I’ve been talking to for 9 months.” That was my first connection, but even then I never had a rush of love. We’re all different.

How long since your baby was born? Although it’s normal for many, if you think it’s deeper than that, it’s a flag to talk about PND. Whether that’s your HV or GP depends on how old your baby is. to you.

I don’t agree that it is a myth. I was first person my DD saw when she opened her eyes and the connection I felt was real to me.

I think it is rather like breastfeeding is not a myth. The connection/love at first sight exists, but it doesn’t work for all mothers. And so whether you feel it or not, that is still normal just like breastfeeding or bottle feeding are also both two perfectly normal things as well. “Normal” never refers to just one way of being a mother, it refers to whatever mothers and babies feel and do and that is a multitude of ways.

@EmpressCixi I take your point, I didn’t realise that would be interpreted as me saying it didn’t happen for any mother - I meant that it’s a myth that it’s universal.

Bit like the myth that it’s universal that you can tell your own baby’s cry. As debunked at my very first post natal NCT meeting, with 6 mothers jumping at each cry!

True. It is a myth that it is universal or only way to be normal mother.
Completely agree.

Also agree it's a myth.
I loved him ofc but didn't have that overwhelming rush of love or instant bond.
It grows.
It's like when you meet a new partner, your bond grows you don't instantly click and fall in love.

I think how the birth goes really can make a difference to how you bond.

I had a waterbirth at home, I felt with my hands the baby’s head all through crowing etc and I lifted him out of the water into my arms. The rush of hormones I had at the time was incredible and I did feel really very connected to the baby.

I have friends who had more complicated births who I think became quite detached from the birthing process as a way to protect themselves mentally. Some of those women did then find bonding with baby a bit harder. And I can totally see why! I had one friend who was pretty much in shock for a while at the whole ordeal.

That said I think it’s completely normal for these things to take more time for some people