Screen time DS10 - constant arguing

[Pogodogo18]

I am starting to feel stressed & ill from the constant arguing and disagreements about tech with DS age 10.

He plays football but other than that his main interest is looking at a screen whether it be ps4, tv or ipad. I have tried taking these away and then he becomes nice for a day until he gets it back again and then the pattern repeats. I am now trying no screens in the week (3 days we’re usually out until 6pm anyway) and a two hour limit at weekends.

I need advice to change things about how we communicate and how I can enforce some rules/discipline. This morning we had a massive argument and he was shouting at me very aggressively because I said he couldn’t take the PS4 to his granny’s house this weekend.
It’s really stressed me out and I’m not sure where I go with it all. It’s actually making me feel quite depressed, all the confrontation and constant arguing/ attempts at negotiation.

The sad thing is when he doesn’t have electronics he just doesn’t know what to do and says he is bored.

Please can anyone help? My home feels an unhappy one right now and I feel crap and at my wits end. I’m a single parent working full time so have no adult back-up at home.

Just to say as well that I feel for you. There have been times when our house has been nothing but conflict and is it miserable.

I hear you op.

My ds is 8.5 and sounds very similar to yours. We have similar battles, mainly over PS4, YouTube and iPad.

He does football, swimming, dog walking, bike rides, homework etc but free time at home is generally fraught as all he wants to do is be on the above.

I don’t mind some of the time and we don’t set strict times, but if he is rude or gets cross or won’t come off we ban it the next day.

When he’s not allowed on he’s a much nicer child. I have the same concerns and worries as you about him having too much and it not being a healthy use of time.

It doesn’t help that a LOT of his peers seem to be allowed on 24/7.

I doubt anyone is on it 24/7, pp, you think they don't sleep or go to school?
OP what do you want him to be doing at the weekend when he's not "on screens"?
I don't find 2 hours a lot as we would watch a movie together at the weekend - that's 2 hours just there. Game of Fortnite (now that's one that I would put limits on) for an hour, playing with a friend from school. Then half an hour watching "how to draw x" videos on YouTube, followed by an hour of drawing them. That's 3 and a half hour easily and I don't think any of those things are unreasonable for a Saturday. I'm sure screen times have increased in the last couple of years because some of the clubs and things we would otherwise do have not run. I also live somewhere with awful weather so lots of time outdoors isn't always appealing!

I'm with you OP. 2 hours gaming on a Saturday for a boy of 10 is plenty. My 9 year old wouldn't even get thst much. It's not good for them staring at the screen for hours and it's not a moral panic to be very aware that time spent gaming stops them being outdoors or busy doing other things that they need fir wellbeing

What happened to kids playing together? We are seeing an erosion of physical and creative play for children of this age. School all day then gaming for hours.

I work with children and many adults who do youth or play work are alarmed at th huge time some older children and teens spend gaming.

I would focus on seriously building up time spent doing other things. He is showing addictive behaviour and obviously not managing his gaming well.

It will get easier as the evenings get lighter could he start having friends to go to park with etc

BTW the OP said 2 hours specific gaming time at weekends not 2 hours screen time

Oh that's true, waterrat.
My dc wouldn't be going to the park alone at 10. Maybe 10-almost-11. Most outdoor/meeting friends activities always involve a parent taking them there. I can do that for one morning or afternoon at the weekend, but I can't do that all the time as other dc/housework/work commitments. Living in a city I can't encourage too much free range behaviour unfortunately, growing up I was out a lot more (and doing stuff that would have turned my mother grey had she known)

@Drunkpanda

I doubt anyone is on it 24/7, pp, you think they don't sleep or go to school? OP what do you want him to be doing at the weekend when he's not "on screens"? I don't find 2 hours a lot as we would watch a movie together at the weekend - that's 2 hours just there. Game of Fortnite (now that's one that I would put limits on) for an hour, playing with a friend from school. Then half an hour watching "how to draw x" videos on YouTube, followed by an hour of drawing them. That's 3 and a half hour easily and I don't think any of those things are unreasonable for a Saturday. I'm sure screen times have increased in the last couple of years because some of the clubs and things we would otherwise do have not run. I also live somewhere with awful weather so lots of time outdoors isn't always appealing!

That was slightly tongue in cheek but what I mean is they are always on it already when my dc goes on whatever time of the day he seems to go on, but also never have to come off it like my dc does!

Agree 2hrs on the weekend is ridiculously low, if he was playing a game with levels etc he wouldn'g get very fqr.

I think the issue is your attitude to screen time as being a waste of time, which i think is skewing your view. So much can be done on screens, and if its his leisure time, homework is done why does it matter? Maybe if you relaxed the timeacales a little you wouldn't have so many arguments.

2 hours gaming for a 10 year old is not ridiculously low. I know lots of 10 year olds and 2 hours is a totally normal limit. Maybe for an older teen who is very into gaming. At 10 he is a child he should be being physically active...outdoors or learning to enjoy things other than screens while he can and while he is still growing and developing.

Most kids this days socialise through gaming or using technology. You just need to find the right balance. If me and my children have been outdoors for the morning I don't mind the older 2 spending the afternoon on their game consoles.

Most kids this days socialise through gaming or using technology.
For 10 year olds? Really? My DD and her friends don't (yet).

From my experience, girls tend to socialise online through phones, and boys use gaming devices. This is a generalisation obviously!

Yes kids do use games to socialise. But surely at 10 years old they need to be socialising in real life a lot more ! I don't believe we need to support thr huge cultural slide towards indoor tech based social lives. Most children of 10 love playing with their friends in real life and love being outdoors as well when they can and when it's safe. Kids are losing out in modern culture because doorstep play has vanished and now us adults are just accepting their screen addiction...which is driven hugely by companies making these devices addictive.

I want to fight back ! Let's kids enjoy a proper childhood..yes thst can include include gaming but I think children need support to get out playing with their friends in real life a lot more.

In nice weather surely 10 year olds can be developing independence going to parks etc

I think you’re being really unreasonable. We don’t actually have limits on screen time. I think it actually makes things worse as they become more fixated on it. If they know they can go on screens whenever they like it takes the pressure off. My son just hops on and off whenever he wants - I don’t keep score of how long he’s online for. We do go out a lot and do other stuff too. He’s 9.

In nice weather surely 10 year olds can be developing independence going to parks etc

Not much nice weather in January in Scotland and it’s dark by 4.30. In summer absolutely playing outside after school and at weekends, in winter I’m happy for them to socialise online.

I have never restricted screen time for my DC. Perhaps because I have never made a big deal about it, there have never been problems. Yet DC also loves going for walks (is very into transport history and nature), hanging out with friends, activities etc.