How do I have a nice day with depression?

fionabeeb · 2022-01-19T20:56:54+00:00

I have depression and anxiety. I don't tolerate meds so this it is really. I am finding my life very sad. I have 2 children and a Husband I love dearly and should be enough but each day is a struggle. I exercise and try to get outdoors each day. I work 2-3 days per week but I don't know how to to spend my free time to make me feel better. I clean the house, go the shopping etc but never feel as if I've had a nice day and wake up every day wishing I was still asleep. Relaxation isn't for me and reading seems like a waste of time. I feel exhausted all the time so my motivation is low and all I want to do is try to sleep with a hot water bottle and the blinds shut. I have 3 friends in all my life, and seeing them makes me feel worse as I feel I should be enjoying life like they do and then come to the thought I am not good enough and a bad mum/wife/person etc so now try to avoid people. This is a real rant but I just need ideas for when I am at home, kids are at school what do I do to make the day nice?

Mymsical · 19/01/2022 21:00

I can definitely relate, the thing that has helped me most is volunteering.

I'm an Independent Visitor for a child in care. She is 13 and an absolute delight to be around - every month i take her out and do something fun, she brings me so much happiness and I get some time to really laugh and do something without being "mum".

Cyberworrier · 19/01/2022 21:22

Have a look at this list.

dbtselfhelp.com/dbt-skills-list/emotion-regulation/pleasant-activities/

It might sound strange but "pleasurable activities" are part of DBT, teaching you to relax and have positive experiences I suppose.
When I've been very down I've found that smell and touch are the two senses that can be accessed- so for smell I'd get a bunch of lilies or light a scented candle- breathing in the smell is soothing and sends positive signals to my brain. Or having a relaxing bath, with bubble bath. It's sort of increasing mindfulness (which I was very sceptical and cynical about until I "got it"). I agree about helping people too. This could be as small as sending a nice text to a relative or something.

Cyberworrier · 19/01/2022 21:24

Ps I'm sorry you're struggling. Are you having therapy?
DBT has been transformative for my mental health, it's sometimes available on NHS - I've accessed both NHS and privately. Maybe check it out.
One of the things they say is that it's impossible to remove pain from life but that we can try to reduce or remove the suffering. It's about creating a life worth living. 💐

Original poster

fionabeeb · 19/01/2022 21:37

@Cyberworrier

Ps I'm sorry you're struggling. Are you having therapy? DBT has been transformative for my mental health, it's sometimes available on NHS - I've accessed both NHS and privately. Maybe check it out. One of the things they say is that it's impossible to remove pain from life but that we can try to reduce or remove the suffering. It's about creating a life worth living. 💐

Thank you. I will have a look at the link. I had some therapy, but it was hugely impacted by covid (video calls every 2-3 weeks) and didn't make an impact. It's that life worth living I want to create.

OP posts:

Bringmeadog · 19/01/2022 21:40

Volunteering. It gives you a purpose on your day off but no pressure that comes with an actual job. Choose something you care about. I volunteer walking greyhounds and foster dogs short term.

NotTheGrinchAgain · 19/01/2022 21:48

For me it's gardening. I love being outside, cultivating plants and making sure the garden habitat is right for everything that lives there.

tatyr · 19/01/2022 21:49

I'd agree with volunteering as even a little effort from you is massively appreciated/ valuable to others, and also nature based therapy.
Personally, I find litter picking very satisfying. I go out when I'm sick to my back teeth of everyone, and clear my route to school, or go into the woods. I can stick my head phones in and ignore anyone everyone, or I might see someone I know to chat to.
The environment and wildlife benefit, people appreciate my efforts, I get a walk and some satisfaction.
I might not be glowing and full of joy when I return but I've done something, and that makes me feel better

Cyberworrier · 19/01/2022 21:49

You're doing really well to be opening up to people here and saying you want things to change, that's something to be proud of. It sounds like it'd be worth checking out what support you could get if you're not having any help at the moment? Maybe try your GP, Mind and any local mental health hubs (some areas have ones you can self refer to). Any support would be something.

You could buy the DBT Manual, but I'm not sure if it would be helpful going through without someone explaining it all. Although that said I'd have a google as some of it, like the pleasurable activities stuff is actually so simple but hard to think to do when you're feeling really low. Good luck with everything.

Original poster

fionabeeb · 19/01/2022 21:54

@Cyberworrier

You're doing really well to be opening up to people here and saying you want things to change, that's something to be proud of. It sounds like it'd be worth checking out what support you could get if you're not having any help at the moment? Maybe try your GP, Mind and any local mental health hubs (some areas have ones you can self refer to). Any support would be something.

You could buy the DBT Manual, but I'm not sure if it would be helpful going through without someone explaining it all. Although that said I'd have a google as some of it, like the pleasurable activities stuff is actually so simple but hard to think to do when you're feeling really low. Good luck with everything.

I had a Psychiatry referral and at the video appt last week the Consultant just prescribed some old fashioned antidepressants at a very low dose in the hope I might tolerate them. I've been unwell for a very long time. You hit the nail on the head though, I am searching for a life worth living so at least now I can put it into words.

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Cyberworrier · 19/01/2022 22:00

I'm glad that's been helpful, I know what you mean when a phrase just rings true. Good luck with it all 💐

reluctantbrit · 19/01/2022 22:12

I had PND and ended up in therapy.

Anti-D's helped to give me a bit of a clear head to actually "embrace" the problem but it also caused severe insomnia so the therapist suggested stopping them.

The best advice I got was "what did you enjoy prior to the depression"? For me it was taking time for me, no baby issus, no feeling trapped with family life or the idea of a "perfect" life as a mum/wife.

I don't mean you have to go on a road trip/abandon your family but think back when the last time you feel happy.

I hated most of the typical ideas of what is a way out of it, volunteering only works if you feel passionate about it. Otherwise it is a chore you think you also fail doing.
Being outside, great. Unless you think a walk alone is just boring and brings you nothing.

For me - it was reading. I lost the love of loosing myself into a story or even worse for some - in a fandom where I spend time online with people obsessied with the same TV series or book genre.

We also made the decision for me to put DD in childcare earlier than planned and go back to work properly. Being a person on my own was the other best thing I could do for me.

honestogod · 19/01/2022 22:18

I have no suggestions but wanted to say I'm in a similar boat. I'm going to have a look at that link. I think it might be studying for me... I'm currently doing GCSE maths to try and improve my grade and be ready to help my DDs. I'm planning a history a level next which I do feel excited about.

Original poster

fionabeeb · 19/01/2022 22:21

@honestogod

I have no suggestions but wanted to say I'm in a similar boat. I'm going to have a look at that link. I think it might be studying for me... I'm currently doing GCSE maths to try and improve my grade and be ready to help my DDs. I'm planning a history a level next which I do feel excited about.

I hope you find some respite in studying. Doing something you enjoy and can be absorbed in will help.

OP posts:

Original poster

fionabeeb · 19/01/2022 22:22

@reluctantbrit

I had PND and ended up in therapy.

Anti-D's helped to give me a bit of a clear head to actually "embrace" the problem but it also caused severe insomnia so the therapist suggested stopping them.

The best advice I got was "what did you enjoy prior to the depression"? For me it was taking time for me, no baby issus, no feeling trapped with family life or the idea of a "perfect" life as a mum/wife.

I don't mean you have to go on a road trip/abandon your family but think back when the last time you feel happy.

I hated most of the typical ideas of what is a way out of it, volunteering only works if you feel passionate about it. Otherwise it is a chore you think you also fail doing.
Being outside, great. Unless you think a walk alone is just boring and brings you nothing.

For me - it was reading. I lost the love of loosing myself into a story or even worse for some - in a fandom where I spend time online with people obsessied with the same TV series or book genre.

We also made the decision for me to put DD in childcare earlier than planned and go back to work properly. Being a person on my own was the other best thing I could do for me.

I've had poor mental health for all of my adult life and can't recall what I enjoy except going on adventures with my children and going on holiday where I can escape all of my reality. With the Winter weather it's been a while since we had an adventure so I think that's the first place I need to start.

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Digestive28 · 19/01/2022 22:33

Micheal Mosley does Just One Thing on bbc sounds, only 15 mins each and full of good ideas of habits to get started with