hello!
I have a question and I don’t know how to explain it or if it’s silly or well, strange.
I have been doing quite a bit of inner work. I don’t want to sound woo woo or suchlike. Essentially, only just realised a year or so ago that the trauma that I thought i was “over” was just there under the surface all along. It’s this constant voice in my head telling me that everyone is overtly or is doing better than me. I understand objectively this is not true - many people are truly suffering with illnesses and family worries etc etc.
Truthfully, I need to get over myself which is what I am trying to achieve. I don’t know if any of this is particularly useful so far but please bear with me.
I’ve come to realise, as I’m really working on my inner dialogue (putting myself down, putting others down, assuming the worst of most people, being an “independent” person etc etc) that I have no idea what life is like without this anchor that I just carry around with me. This constant nip-nip-nip in my head. What happens if I work to lessen it, but I’m a worse person without it? What happens if I don’t like me then? What is life like after the healing process? What does it look like? I’m genuinely quite scared that I don’t know what it is and what if I don’t like it? I also get that I might be rushing the process etc but I would like some guidance. What is the place beyond the healing?
I understand this all sounds very … I don’t even know the word to use! self indulgent? Self sabotaging? Jumping the gun? All of the above? Lol … but I would really like someone… anyone to tell me what life is like for you after actually did the work and came out of the other side? What changed? Is yojr life better? Was it worth it? What does it look like?
I appreciate that I might sound a bit all over the place haha!. I think I just don’t know what life looks like beyond all of this shit? does that make any sense at all?