Just need to vent - I can’t stand our neighbours

[BDavis]

We’ve lived here for 8 years with barely any issues. Semi-detached property. They were here before us - Man and woman in their early 50s with 2 teen/early 20s daughters. They’ve always kept themselves to themselves but have been pleasant enough when we saw them.

Until this past year 😓 I know it’s been a hard year with covid etc - we’ve all had our own struggles. The neighbours have slit up but are cohabiting. The younger daughter has decided that she “needs music to be happy” (her mums words, not mine!” and she blares music at all times of the day. My baby is having to sleep with permanent white noise on to try and drown out the bass from the music and we’ve had to rearrange our house to try and get baby as far away from the adjoining wall as possible. He has a beautiful nursery that is now being used for storage and I have his cot crammed into our tiny spare room as it’s marginally quieter 😓 Some days it’s impossible to get him to sleep and I’ve had to get him in the pram and go and walk around our tiny village in the rain just to get him to sleep. We have lots of stairs leading back into our property so once he’s asleep I can’t even bring him home - I’m stuck walking about until he wakes.
Everytime I see the male he seems to be somewhere between drunk and raging my hungover. He honestly looks awful. Every single morning he’s out tipping more alcohol bottles into the recycling bins. What he does is nothing to do with me obviously but him and the daughters now smoke weed and it is travelling into our house making the place smell constantly.

I’ve contacted them on multiple occasions both by text and face to face to see if they could turn the music down or at least rearrange to move the speakers away from the adjoining wall and I keep getting the same response - “things are really tough for our family just now. I can’t ask her to turn it down as it’s what makes her happy” 😓

I spent last night holding my baby while he slept as everytime her music came on it woke him up (when he’s on me he seems to go into a much deeper sleep) - so I had around 2 hours in my own bed overall last night.

We absolutely love our house. We felt so lucky to have found it and be able to get it as first time buyers and we were so excited about raising our family in this home but this last year dealing with the neighbours has tipped us over the edge and our house goes on the market next week 😭 I’m so sad!

Oh no - that is upsetting, but for your own wellbeing it sounds like the right thing to do.

I know exactly how you feel OP. We had the perfect little semi in a village that I adored. Would have stayed there forever if it wasn’t for our neighbours being ignorant pigs. I begrudgingly agreed to move when it got too much for DH and we are now much happier in our quiet, detached home with no neighbours!

So sorry but moving will be the right thing for your mental health and your baby's sleep. Your neighbours sound dreadful. Some of us have had dreadful experiences over the past two years but don't inflict ourselves on our neighbours like yours do.

I would go in slightly harder. Their family is obviously having a hard time especially if the dad is drinking too much. However, they cannot impinge on your life and just spread misery around. Can you keep a record/record what's going on for a fortnight. Then let them know you will be contacting the council re noise abatement?

If he’s now an alcoholic and none of them are working plus they have split up, so you think it’s viable that they will continue living there for much longer?

Girls will meet boyfriends and want to with them and mum will have enough of the alcoholic, do you think?

Why can’t she put headphones on to listen to her music?

I'm sorry, it's awful. We had similar though not anywhere near as bad and I was so happy when the adult son moved out. Hopefully this daughter does soon.

This is why my next house will be detached.

Fucking neighbours.

@Sunbird24

Why can’t she put headphones on to listen to her music?

Yes exactly.

Could you offer to buy her some?
I mean you shouldn't have to of course but for the sake of some peace...

Take the baby round.

Every time.

@Shapiro

If he’s now an alcoholic and none of them are working plus they have split up, so you think it’s viable that they will continue living there for much longer?

Girls will meet boyfriends and want to with them and mum will have enough of the alcoholic, do you think?

@Shapiro I’m honestly not sure of their work situation currently. As far as I know both were/are self employed but I have no idea. From the conversations I’ve had with the mum it would appear that she moved out for a short time but returned to cohabit as neither could afford it financially to live apart at the moment. One daughter has moved out a couple of times since we’ve been here but has always returned a few months later. I believe the girls both work in PT locally in hospitality at the moment.

@Sunbird24 @JollyHostess Absolutely no idea about the headphones - I’m baffled by it too. She just “needs the music to be happy”. Obviously it seems like they’re going through a lot as a family - I really do feel bad if she’s struggling with things but I’m just at a loss as to how playing the loud music really makes it that much better for her 😓

So sorry you are going through all this. Agree with @Boopeedoop - def take the baby around, every single time. Keep being really nice, but firm that it's not fair on you or the baby. I would buy the daughter a nice pair of earphones, wrap them up and say that your sorry she's having such a hard time, but she can't listen to music at that volume. Keep smiling and keep very firm. If / when they are rude, say that you'll escalate things but that you'd rather sort it out yourselves, rather than making their problems worse. Do they own the house? Do you have a village FB group?

@sunshinesupermum Yeah, DH and I have had our fair share of it the last couple of years too. It’s been hard for so many people. I’m sorry if you’ve been through lots too ❤️ As you said though, we’d never inflict ourselves on the neighbours!

If you wanted to say I'd suggest contacting environmental health regarding the noise. If you feel it's tainted and you need to move I'd say nothing.

What about contacting the local council?

Have you spoken directly to the noisy daughter? Do you think that might work?

Also meant to say, are they moving?

Stop being so nice. Say, well what would make me happy is your daughter turning the bloody volume down! Tell them they're making it tough for YOUR family and that you'll have to contact the council if the noise doesn't stop, due to it affecting the baby sleeping.

Sorry you are going through this, it's shit. Honestly, you are doing the right thing: just sell up and go. You shouldn't have to do it, but these people are twats and have been making your life a misery, you've tried to address it on multiple occasions and they clearly don't care.

Noise nuisance is horrible, it's so invasive and the unpredictability and inability to control it just destroys your nerves. Even when it stops you are constantly on edge, just waiting for it to start up again - it's low-grade torture: I speak from experience

Good luck with your move, you sound like a nice person and you'll feel better away from these inconsiderate oafs. Try for a detached, link-detached or bungalow if you possibly can. We managed to move from a terraced house to a link-detached and it's one of the best decisions we ever made.

Does your baby cry at night? Then every single time, hold her right up against the adjoining wall! Also as soon as the baby wakes up every morning (and I’m assuming this is early, especially at weekends, eg 5.30am or 6am) put a TV or radio on really loud next to the adjoining wall, playing extraordinarily loud nursery rhymes or something very irritating theme song of Paw Patrol on loop on YouTube playlist. Shut the door, go downstairs with the baby.

When the neighbours complain, say that unfortunately due to all the music noise from their daughter, your baby is very disrupted and the only thing that calms them is playing very loud kids TV.

Also mention that if your neighbour’s dd could find a way NOT to play very loud music all day, by using headphones like any normal human above the age of about 5, then perhaps they might find the baby is less disruptive.

I would also bang repeatedly on the wall with a broom handle whenever there is noise that is above normal levels.

I would NOT go to the Council in case you want to sell the house you would have to disclose that issue.

Give them a taste of their own medicine.

Every time you take your baby out for a walk, put drilling noise at top volume on YouTube on a loop. Right next to the wall.

If they complain, explain that this helps to settle your baby and they need it right now.

Selfish selfish fuckers. Life is hard but it doesn't give them carte blanche to behave like this and to make your life a misery too. I second giving them a warning that it isn't acceptable and you will need to report to the council if the noise isn't turned down. Though be careful as you will need to declare any dispute with a neighbour if you sell down the line

Be careful involving the council. You'll have to declare it when you sell.

Thanks all, I just needed a rant I think 😬😓
I’ll try and answer the questions:

• yes, they own the house.
• as far as I know they have no intention of moving.
• my baby is not a crier so holding him at the wall won’t do much unfortunately 🤣
• as tempting as it is to make lots of noise back, I can’t be bothered getting into that kind of pettiness with them!
• I haven’t spoken to the daughter directly, no. Maybe that is worth a shot, even just to help us out until we move.
• I have threatened them with the council and a noise complaint etc...but I haven’t followed through with that just incase we came to a point where we had to sell. Which we are now at unfortunately!

DH is furious over the whole thing too. He’s also had multiple interactions with them over it and has got absolutely nowhere. It’s the same old sob story about life being hard 🙄

The tit for tat noise isn’t going to get you anywhere.

If they are putting up with the loud music then they won’t be bothered by your noise.