Anyone just want to get something off their chest about their ex?

[KurtWilde]

Just what the title says really.

Separated for 6 years, DC together but exh only sees the youngest with any regularity now, an even then it's pretty flakey and dependent on what he has going on at the time.

After an awful first few years of constantly butting heads post-separation, I finally learned the art of turning the other cheek, taking the high road, biting my tongue, disengaging etc.. all the things they tell you to do for a quieter life after separation. I've become quite good at it and mostly just jog along ok. It's been even better since he got a new girlfriend during first lockdown, as he barely bugs me at all these days.

Tonight DD11 is taking part in an important part of her after school hobby and asked for us both to be present. No problem. Started off just fine, basic niceties and then she went to get ready, upon which he started in on me for absolutely no reason about absolutely nothing.

I kid you not. He managed to pick holes in everything I'd said and done since he turned up 10 minutes earlier. From how I sat (what why??) to how I spurred on DD (who was feeling nervous), to how I said hello to him when he arrived!!

I am:
Ridiculous
A joke
Nasty
Made DD feel like shit (???)
Made him feel like shit (???)
Should be ashamed of myself
And he 'didn't want to be anywhere near me..'

He then got his coat and left without even saying goodbye to DD! I then had to explain to her that dad had gone home and I honestly didn't know why!!

I'd been thoroughly decent with him, and I've not a clue what he was on about wrt DD feeling like shit as I've spoken to her about it and she was as nonplussed as I am!

Hand on heart MNetters, I was perfectly pleasant with him, in good spirits for DDs evening (which exh has managed to make all about him instead of her - no shock there), and I'm puzzled. But more than that I'm thoroughly pissed off with myself because he's gotten to me. I feel all shaky inside which is a feeling I thought I'd left behind. I'd like to text him and tell him what a git he is, but I won't.

More importantly I have a very disappointed DD on my hands, who's just about to finish a special night of her hobby and has been an absolute superstar, but has that look about her that I've seen all too often when her dad has flounced off for no reason.

I'll tell her how awesome she is when she's finished, and we'll go for a hot chocolate on the way home.

But fuck me, exh is a twat.

Just wanted to vent really.

Feel free to add your own experiences!!

Hopefully your dd realises her dad is unfortunately a complete idiot. Poor girl, I hope she wasn’t put off her hobby by his infantile behaviour.

Useless absent ex, 4 kids doesn’t see them, doesn’t pay for them. Just nothing, I can’t Understand how someone can just disappear from their own kids lives.

Poor you. I know that horrid feeling of heart beating fast and letting ex get to you. It takes you back to previous times you thought you'd left behind. You have moved in of course - but it's not nice stepping back there even for a moment! Hopefully you can brush it off with DD and not make a deal of it. She can come to her own conclusions in time and in the meantime keep doing what you were doing - not engaging with him and his weirdness. It is the best policy, as you've said but there are these moments where it comes back up and you have to remind yourself of your 'policy'! Hope you can focus back on her and her achievements tonight and not him.

He is a twunt. Hope your dd is ok!!

My ex

• forgets to feed dd (how the hell do you forgets to feed a 6 year old)
• sleeps in and leaves her to fend for herself for hours
• can't be arsed to be involved in her hobbies so sulks when he has to take her
• pays cms but has to be constantly reminded to pay
• cannot time keep for shit. Arrives late to collect her, is late bringing her home and then looks surprised when I am cross that he doesn't have the forethought to let me know
• pays no attention to her interests and then bugs me for gift ideas at birthday and Christmas

Oh god I could go on...

He is a nice guy but he has just never grown up

And to add to the original question... I continue to not get over the fact that my abusive ex then became a Samaritan - I kid you not. A Samaritan! Of course no one can doubt that a Samaritan must be a good person (instead of the abusive, unfaithful, coercive man that he was and I'm sure still is). It was an absolute trump card. Incontrovertible evidence of virtue. No doubt he was listening to women at their wits end having experienced abusive husbands... still makes my blood boil and it was years ago.

‘Go and help the old man cross the road’
My father is blind

So, so many more instances but I’ll always remember this one.

Your ex is pissed BECAUSE you’re not letting him get to you.

You have moved on. You don't need him. You are happy.

He could see all that when he arrived and it made him livid.

Well done for moving on.

Exh has residence of dd.

Believes his own lies and I've recently received anonymous emails with screen shots of him on fabguys. I don't care about that but the reason we split is because he cheated on me using that site and he told his entire family I cheated on him (I didn't) and they still don't know that he's bi so our daughter has to keep secrets for him.

Thanks all, and thanks for sharing your shit ex's with me. How do we land up with these wastes of space?!

DD was disappointed but she was brilliant tonight. Can't say what the hobby is because I don't know if exh new gf is on MN! But she was awesome, hot chocolate was well deserved and she's now in bed.

Honestly, tonight 'performance' by exh is nothing in the great scheme of things he did in the past (control, manipulating, abuse, cheating...) but somehow it really got to me. Thought I was past all that now.

He's never paid a penny in CMS, either. Sees DD as and when he chooses, and then wonders why she's not too fussed about him.

No doubt sees how well we've moved on without him and decided to show his displeasure tonight.

@Terminallysleepdeprived you'd exh's engagement with your DC sounds not unlike mine. Last time she slept over (months and months ago now), he slept in for most of the next day and left her to her own devices. I know she's 11 and capable of making her own breakfast etc, but he's also weird about her 'messing about' in his kitchen so she wasn't sure whether she was allowed to make anything and every time she woke him up he complained at her! She hasn't slept over since, nor does she want to.

She had a text from him shortly after we got home saying he's going to give her a tenner next time he sees her. Guilty conscience much.

@MadeForThis

You have moved on. You don't need him. You are happy.

He could see all that when he arrived and it made him livid.

Well done for moving on.

Exactly this. Totally this.

Fuck him OP! He's an idiot and the only person that's suffering is your dd and in time, if he continues being a dick, HIS future relationship with her.
She's still young now op but give it another year or two and she will begin to see him for who he is a selfish wanker! if she hasn't quietly began to already.

@KurtWilde honestly he cones across as Mr Nice. And he is. He isn't abusive or mean etc. But he is the epitome of lazy and self centred. Everything wrong in his life is other people's fault. I knew for months he wasn't getting up and was leaving my step.kids to look after her. They were 16 and 14 at the time and exceptionally immature so no way were they responsible enough to look after her but I let it slide til dd announced proudly that she had git herself up and dressed, sorted her breakfast and looked after herself til gone lunchtime as she couldn't wake daddy up. She has a condition that means that she can go into anaphylaxis over insanely daft things. He knows this and he left her alone. I haven't allowed her to stay over with him with the exception of Christmas since. Even then he forgets her meds, doesn't brush her hair because she cries etc.

He is the dictionary definition of a manchild.

Ironically we are good mates and happily spend time as a family occasionally. When dd and I had covid he shopped for me, video called dd daily to keep her occupied so I could work etc. He maintains this grown up bit for a couple of weeks and then reverts to type.

When i left his concern wasn't about dd...it was about who would buy him presents for his birthday and Christmas.

@MadeForThis

You have moved on. You don't need him. You are happy.

He could see all that when he arrived and it made him livid.

Well done for moving on.

Thank you. Yes. All of this. It's evenings like this that take me back to that timid person I became during our marriage, but they also remind me I am 100% better without him - we all are.

I feel so sad for my DD. But she's getting the measure of him now. When he inevitably wrecks their relationship, it'll be on his own head. Hope he can live with that.

My ex lies about me to all his new girlfriends saying I’m the psycho slag who had an affair. I’m a bad mother and he wants custody Nope to all accounts.

Can’t understand now my husbands dead I won’t go back with him. Apparently he’s waiting for a few months until I’ve stopped grieving then he’ll ask me out and he can move back in where he belongs . Fuck off.

Doesn’t pay for his kids
Doesn’t have a safe place for contact
Is aggressive and lazy
Heavy smoker
His personal hygiene is awful.
He drinks a lot

Um yeah he’s lovely

My DC got fed up with their dad's self serving bullshit when they were 12ish. They have chose not to see him since.

It's been 7 years. In all fairness he was a great dad/person until the day he left.

@ghostmouse oh he sounds like a right catch. Not!

It's coming up to what would be our 13th wedding anniversary and exh has sent me a card every year - even though he's had numerous girlfriends since I left. Last year he wrote in it 'just in case you've forgotten, you're still mine.' No. I'm not. Fuck off.

My ex is a complete wanker. I'm not even going to waste my energy explaining why. I hope he's living a sad life.

Hi

I found my husband on fabguys, kicked him out
There is a disgusting thread sexualising Priti Patel which I sent to the Home office and the police

The site is full of abusers and molesters.