How to help my Dad

[Howtohelp1234]

I’ve NC for this but posted here for traffic. My dad is a severe alcoholic, he’s always drank heavily but the last few weeks he’s literally out of it 24/7 and ended up losing his job a few months ago. He can’t lock the front door at night, can’t eat any food, has unexplained bruising and has no idea how to do basic things anymore, or even what day it is. There’s only so much I can do. I’ve pleaded in the past, shouted, given ultimatums but nothing has worked. I know you can never stop anyone else’s actions but it’s got to the point now where he needs treatment or help asap. His stomach is swollen despite being thin and I think he must have liver/kidney damage. I don’t have any other family apart from my young children and dealing with it on my own. He absolutely refuses to see a doctor. Does anyone have any tips or advice? I can’t imagine I can get him sectioned because he’s just drunk all the time but I really think he could die soon if he doesn’t get help. I’ve emailed his GP and had no reply. I’m at a loss and it’s just heartbreaking to see someone who used to be so busy and full of life a complete mess. He’s 65 and drinking 4 bottles ish of wine a day.

Al anon with advise you but I don’t think there is anything you can do.

Does he have a social worker? It sounds like he may need an assessment about safety at home, if he's leaving the front door open etc.

Sadly there's nothing you can do to stop him drinking or make him accept medical help, but you can get him on the radar of social care, who may also be able to advise other things to investigate. Can you try calling the GP too, if they're not responding to email? They may not be able to tell you much due to confidentiality, but at least you would know they'd heard your concern and would hopefully try and act. From experience, your father might tell them to get lost, but that part is outside your control. because it sucks watching an alcoholic do this themselves.

Thank you both. Yes I think I will call them directly, maybe they didn’t get it. I hadn’t thought of a social worker, it’s all happened so quickly. He’s gone from working full time to this in a matter of months. It started to go wrong properly in lockdown really. I’ll have a look online about social workers, I feel he needs proper help from someone other than me but I’ve no idea which channels to go through. Sorry you’ve learnt from experience @anotherneutralname it really is heartbreaking.

The only thing that can help your Dad is for him to give up drinking for good and he would have to have a medically supervised detox (he can't go cold turkey it would be dangerous for him). I've heard that the Salvation Army will care for alcoholics in the most desperate state and if I were in your situation OP I would try and have a conversation with someone there.

Such a difficult situation, Howto, for you.

Agree - Al Anon for support for you.

Swollen abdomen is likely to be ascites, and really should be checked out medically.
Liquid meal replacements can be prescribed, which will be nutritionally balanced.
B vitamins prescription will be offered as B vitamins are severely depleted in prolonged alcohol use, can result in dementia.
As previously stated, your father should only stop/seriously reduce alcohol consumption under medical supervision because of the high risk of seizures.
Unexplained bruising should be medically checked, and increases risk of infection/thrombosis.

Based on the above I would call an ambulance at least once, but if you’re not sure…

Is he having falls? If so, call an ambulance - who will assess and possibly transfer to ED depending on assessment of your father’s mental capacity at the time.

As also said - this is tough for you because you can take steps, but acceptance/change can only happen if your father consents.

Best wishes for you.

Thanks for the advise, that sounds a good idea I’ll have a look into it. Yes he needs a medical detox, it’ll be a long process I imagine (if I can get him to go).

@Littlewilts. I was thinking of calling an ambulance, I can’t get in touch with him today and I’m constantly worried something has happened. If they could take him in it might finally make him realise how serious it is and prompt him to want to change. That’s all really good advice and help. I really appreciate it thank you.

I wonder if this might be a situation where asking the police to do a welfare check would help you? Then they can call an ambulance if needed. This sounds so hard on you - remember to seek support for you as well as for him.

That would be a good idea. I know he would see it as a massive betrayal but I want to think I’ve done all I can to help. I didn’t know that was something the police would do so thank you for suggesting it.

The police may not do anything immediately, as it's only one day you haven't been able to contact him. If they won't, keep on at them if you still can't get hold of him.