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Original poster

I need a hand hold *child neglect*

36 replies

BillyandMargot · 16/01/2022 02:51

My neighbour has struggled with parenting for the last year, he has struggled with his mental health and alcohol addiction. I am sympathetic to his issues but I am a social worker and i also have a duty of care outside of hours. For months we've heard lots of shouting from next door and just made a note of it because it could have been usual parental issues, I have reported to the local authority twice his issues with alcohol and parenting. On Wednesday he tried to assault me because someone else had reported him to Social Services and he assumed it was me. It wasn't however I was relieved it wasn't just me that had had concerns about his child.

Tonight however, we were having a lovely relaxing evening and then suddenly we heard screaming outside and we heard him (the neighbour) screaming in the street clearly extremely drunk and violent screaming about how he wanted to kill someone, how he hated his life, banging about in his house and clearly throwing things.

I called 999 and they turned up really fast maybe within 5 mins of him getting home. He was arrested and his child was taken to a&e. I know what he was arrested for but i don't want this thread taken down.

Should I have called the police sooner on him? I feel really responsible, but i reported to the local authority and police 4 times before now with no response from either.

OP posts:
Eustonhalf · 16/01/2022 02:57

You seem to have done the best you could at each stage.

Rodion · 16/01/2022 03:02

Sometimes the only that makes a big enough difference is a serious incident like this. Heartbreaking that it has to come to that of course, but probably means you couldn't have influenced things to have played out differently. That poor kid, hopefully it means they won't go back to living with dad now.

Original poster
BillyandMargot · 16/01/2022 03:05

I just feel awful for him. He's only 6. I don't work for the local authority we live in so thankfully there is no conflict of interest, however it has been escalating for a couple of days, I expected it to last a lot longer than it did but I am so grateful he is no longer with his child. It's so sad

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 16/01/2022 03:08

From what you’ve written here you’ve done the best you could at every step.
The only thing I’d maybe have suggested to do differently was to report him when he assaulted you - you don’t mention whether you had or not, but in the circumstances it would have been a good idea.
It’s good to hear that there were a number of people looking out for this little boy.

PearPickingPorky · 16/01/2022 03:13

Poor little boy. Does he have a mum? Or is the dad his only parent?

I think you've done fine, you reported it when you had concerns, and called 999 when you were sure you had to.

FireMeetGasoline · 16/01/2022 03:14

You are a social worker and surely don't need to be asking this question. Are you not able to stop criminal proceedings in court to see a judge if a you fear a child has safeguarding issues?

You may not be a children's social worker, but when I was studying social work it was very much children's safeguarding that was the main focus.

Anyway, you have not been unreasonable in your actions.

MrsPotatoHead22 · 16/01/2022 07:04

I hope the child is okay.

Ghostofchristmaspasty · 16/01/2022 07:11

Well done on calling the police. It's hard to be objective when you are involved and their care repercussions in your personal life.

I'm assuming as a sw you will have supervision sessions with someone senior? I would bring up what you have just said with them. I would write a reflection first, looking at what happened, what other courses of action you could have followed and what you would do in the future.

That how we learn, through experience.

TulipsTwoLips · 16/01/2022 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RenGreen · 16/01/2022 07:29

I do think it’s an odd question from a social worker. In saying that we are all human and I imagine it’s different out of work. It’s hard to get involved in other people’s lives but I think even as a neighbour I would have been onto the police sooner!

mugoftea456 · 16/01/2022 07:40

I really can't think of anything else you could have done.

Thankfully the police arrived quickly.

The child was lucky to have neighbours aware and reporting when they did.

DropYourSword · 16/01/2022 07:43

Why are there always posters who just insist on putting the boot in on an OP. God forbid we all just need some human kindness and reassurance once in a while.
There’s nothing to suggest OP has done anything wrong, and nothing to suggest she doesn’t know how to do her job. Why are some people just unnecessarily mean for the fucking sake of it Hmm

Workchatter · 16/01/2022 07:55

It's very normal to second guess yourself and to reflect on situations and chain of events as part of this.

You are clearly a caring person because in my opinion you sound like you've done what you can up to the point of this incident, whilst also having to tread the balance of trying to avoid direct conflict with the neighbour.

You tried a number of times to get help for the child, however at the end of the day you are not superwoman, nor are you someone in sufficient capacity to actually force someone to take action.

I have had numerous times in my role of public protection where I have tried to seek help for situations but if the agency doesn't assess a need for intervention then it's not like you can force their hand!

It's also totally normal to he reflecting back and questioning actions taken or not taken. This is a valuable part of being a professional in a safeguarding/protective environment (as well as others) and this situation is not a simple 'did I do enough for me case at work as per the official procedures and legislation' it's a delicate set up in your home life where you also don't have access to other information and agencies assistance to inform decisions and coordinate assistance.

I wonder if the harder replies upthread are from individuals who don't understand why this situation is different or why it's actually positive that you posted this in order to reflect further.

I really hope the child is ok

x2boys · 16/01/2022 07:56

As a social worker surely you know what you should have done Confused

SelfIdentifiedRightsHoarder · 16/01/2022 08:01

I'm sorry because there's no way to say this without sounding rude, but if anything this makes me worry for the children in your care. As a qualified social worker, to be questioning whether or not you did the right thing makes me wonder how far things would have to go for you to take the appropriate actions for the children in your caseload. From someone who also used to work in this profession, I really think that you need to follow and trust your own instinct. You absolutely did the right thing

Asi1 · 16/01/2022 08:02

For fucks sake, stop kicking the OP. She is human, we all second guess ourselves sometimes. I didn't realise there were so many perfect people here on Mumsnet.

DropYourSword · 16/01/2022 08:05

@SelfIdentifiedRightsHoarder - are you reading a different OP or something?! She’s not questioning whether she did the “right” thing? She’s wondering, in reflection, if there was anything else she could have done, and whether she should have taken action sooner.

As a qualified social worker, are you not encouraged to ever reflect on your work? Because if you never ever question or challenge yourself and your actions I would find that quite worryingly arrogant!!

Singingtherapy · 16/01/2022 08:05

I don't think there's anything more you could have done. I'm confused by you saying you reported it to the local authority but denied informing children's services. In my experience (also work in safeguarding) the two are synonymous. Which other department did you report to?

ThreeLocusts · 16/01/2022 08:06

You sound really shaken up. Sorry about the arsey posters on here. I don't see what else you could have done, and I think you sound fair and level-headed. I hope they let you know that the kid is OK.

Foolsrule · 16/01/2022 08:29

Great you got help but it worries me that as an insider, you still couldn’t get the system to work more effectively. You’d already reported multiple times but it took this and presumably a serious injury for anyone to take notice. That’s the crying shame here.

Did you report your own assault?

lillypopdaisyduke · 16/01/2022 08:58

You did totally the right thing - with this event I doubt that the child will be placed back with parent(s) until the home situation is safe and stable. Hopefully he is with loving foster carers.

SelfIdentifiedRightsHoarder · 16/01/2022 09:10

[quote DropYourSword]@SelfIdentifiedRightsHoarder - are you reading a different OP or something?! She’s not questioning whether she did the “right” thing? She’s wondering, in reflection, if there was anything else she could have done, and whether she should have taken action sooner.

As a qualified social worker, are you not encouraged to ever reflect on your work? Because if you never ever question or challenge yourself and your actions I would find that quite worryingly arrogant!![/quote]
I'm not a social worker, have previously worked in that kind of profession. But yes of course it's important to reflect on your work, but that is something that should be done with a senior member of staff rather than people on mumsnet. As I said, it's important to follow your instinct/gut, right from the start which she did when she started recording what was happening. I'm agreeing that she did the right thing and to have more faith in herself. Questioning yourself too much is a massive part of what leads to inaction, and it would make me concerned for the children in her caseload. It's always encouraged to report any concerns, no matter how minor as they can build up to a bigger picture with multi-agency workers

DropYourSword · 16/01/2022 09:11

Questioning yourself too much is a massive part of what leads to inaction, and it would make me concerned for the children in her caseload.

But that’s not what she’s doing at all

Dontgetyerknicksinatwist · 16/01/2022 09:15

@Foolsrule

Great you got help but it worries me that as an insider, you still couldn’t get the system to work more effectively. You’d already reported multiple times but it took this and presumably a serious injury for anyone to take notice. That’s the crying shame here.

Did you report your own assault?

Yes and it rings similar to the cases of Star and Arthur where multiple reports had been made which were ignored.
UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 16/01/2022 09:17

Of course OP knows what she's doing.

Let's not forget she's a human being who has just been through a horrible experience as well as a social worker.

It is totally normal to question our decisions and think could I have done anything more.

I don't think you could have done more OP. I hope you and the little boy are ok now and he gets the support he needs.