Hello!!
So I've been with the same guy for about 3 years now, last year during the lockdown period, we decided to ditch the UK and move to a small island in the meditation. Living the dream right? Nope.
Ever since I landed here (over a year now) its been pretty sad! He's been distant and unhappy, pushing me away and big time mood swings, and over the last year out intimacy has been no existent . I've been pretty patient and supportive over the last year, but I'm loosing my shit now. Basically he no longer wants to be here. So we have decided to live separately until we figure out what's next. The plan has always been to travel the world and find somewhere to settle down. I love him so so much and would follow him to the end of the earth. I am not happy that we are no longer living together, although it was my idea. I wanted to be supportive and give him time and space to sort his head out, as he's been pretty down, and very distant. When I look into his eyes or kiss him I just cant feel him. He's there physically but his eyes are like tunnels. Anyway, we want the same things in future, to travel have fun and find somewhere to call home together. But like I said I'm not happy we are living apart now. I told him a few days after I started viewing places to live on my own I didn't want this, yet here I am one month later in my own place waiting for him to come visit me. I feel pretty hurt and broken by this. Although I know its not forever, he's seen how upset its made me and wanted to go through with it anyway. And as I wait here for him, I don't feel excited. I feel scared. It's going to be the same as before, the same sad distance between us although he will be right next to me. And wants the point of even trying to kiss or touch him, for the past year he's just pushed my away, its gotten to the point where I feel embarrassed and dirty for wanting sex from my own boyfriend. But I love him and I cant let him go. I don't want to. Why should I? He is/was my best friend, my soul mate, the only person I've ever loved, ever liked, ever wanted in my live. I cant give him up. what's the point is living without him....or even with him. I cant sleep, I cant concentrate at work. All I think about was how happy we were. Am I a drama queen, or is it time to move on? I want him in my future, but if its like this now will it het better?
Fuckkkk im going crazy here!!!
Thxs:)