When do you fit in ‘me’ time

[Yellow85]

I’m probably describing most peoples lives here but here goes…

I work FT, pretty long hours given that I take the flexibility to do school drop off etc, so make that time up elsewhere. I do drop off everyday, pick up 3 times a week (with the exception of 1 after school activity and 1 day GP kindly do it), I do the running to clubs, DH mostly does the club collections though.

DH doesn’t have any flexibility and can’t work from home, so it’s just how it’s always had to be. Don’t really have much issue with that. Then comes the weekends, DH has a hobby he’s done for years, goes to said hobby every Saturday for about 4-5 hours. Again, he’s totally entitled to do so after working all week. Sundays are mostly spent doing the housework, washing, shopping to ease the pressure of the coming week.

My question is, I feel like I’m starting to resent the pressure of my routine and the constant rush of it all. Where on earth do I fit in time for me? And where do you start with how to fill it!

DH is always saying I should take time to myself do something, but I have no hobbies (occasionally I go to the gym if I get a cancelled meeting or something, but always squeezed in during work hours). Add in the fact that I feel guilty as if I go do something for me after his weekend hobby, the DCs really don’t get any quality time with both parents there.

How does everyone else manage it?

I’ve read a couple of things on Mumsnet that I’ve put into practice that really help. For info I’m in the same boat as you.

Firstly, we divide the weekend into 4 quarters. Both me and my DH get one quarter each of ‘me time’. So he plays golf, and I go to the gym and have a long lovely shower afterwards.

Secondly, one woman on here said that every so often one parent would take the kids out all day so that the other could have the house completely to themselves.

For me, if I didn’t have my quarter of a weekend to do something to make me happy I would fall apart.

Also. I think that actually no your DH isn’t entitled to do a hobby that takes 5 hours when kids are young. If the hobby is cycling then he needs to shorten cycles or go early morning. If it’s golf then he needs to do 9 holes not 18.

So your DH ‘has no flexibility’ to do the morning and school end of day parenting Monday to Friday AND takes 4/5 hours leisure time for himself on Saturday.

You are doing way more than your fair share, and him way less.

@Kfjsjdbd

I’ve read a couple of things on Mumsnet that I’ve put into practice that really help. For info I’m in the same boat as you.

Firstly, we divide the weekend into 4 quarters. Both me and my DH get one quarter each of ‘me time’. So he plays golf, and I go to the gym and have a long lovely shower afterwards.

Secondly, one woman on here said that every so often one parent would take the kids out all day so that the other could have the house completely to themselves.

For me, if I didn’t have my quarter of a weekend to do something to make me happy I would fall apart.

That’s a great idea and something really easy to put into practice!! I’m probably doing DH a disservice here as he does pull his weight with household stuff, cooking, bedtime etc. it’s just that I’m literally doing the same thing six days a week and I think I’m starting to rebel against it now lol.

The hobby is golf, there’s a group of them that go each week. He only plays in a Saturday, the others play multiple times a week even with young children too. So I was genuinely thinking I would be unreasonable to ask him to reign it in when none of the other wives/partners etc seem fussed I suppose.

Also he genuinely wouldn’t hold if I had something in, I think the main issue is that I don’t really have much going on in the hobby front at all. So it just seems unreasonable to ask him to not golf so I could do something that I don’t really need to do either.

He doesn’t ‘pull his weight’ on school runs though, which makes every work day pressured for you. Fair enough if he really has no other options due to work.

With two people working FT - even assuming you have a cleaner and no Dc clubs at the weekend - there is rarely enough weekend time for both to take more than a couple of hours for leisure, do a bit of stuff as a family, do the essential chores, cooking, DC homework etc.

4/5 hours a week is selfish of him IMO

It’s unreasonable of him to take 5 hours every Saturday for himself. You need to work out how much free time you have after you’ve covered work, housework, family time, etc. Then split that time 50/50. If there are less than 10 hours of free time he can’t have 5 hours to do his hobby.

Also you can’t say that your husband is entitled to play golf just because his friends play golf. Maybe his friends are rich and hire nannies or cleaners to give their wives equal time off. Maybe their wives have helpful parents who take the kids so the wives can have equal time off. Maybe his friends work less hours so they can give their wives equal time off. Maybe their wives don’t work, or only work part time. You don’t know how they organise it. In YOUR situation your husband can’t have 5 hours of leisure time, if he wants those 5 hours he needs to figure out how to give you 5 hours too.

Going sightly against the grain here but I think its fine for your DH to take 4/5 hours for his hobby - on the proviso that a) the timings of it still allow for "family time" and b) you get to do the same.

Dh and I are both fairly serious about sport and exercise. We tend to take one weekend morning each for a long run or bike ride, leaving early so we're back mid morning. While one is out the other will take the kids swimming, do household tasks, or whatever. But we still get most of the weekend together as a family.

In terms of "me time", as well as my long weekend run I have 1 or 2 evenings a week for yoga/ gym, and early morning runs before the rest of the house is up. I then come back by 7ish to get the kids ready and do the school run.

I also wonder why you need all day Sunday to clean, tidy etc. I don't let household stuff eat into our weekends that much, but maybe by MN standards I'm a slattern

Thanks all, I do agree. Now I just need to find something I enjoy doing!