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Original poster

Is it normal to feel like this?

58 replies

Malaisecartes · 15/01/2022 07:57

Sometimes I’m so overwhelmed and grateful about life, how beautiful it is, how intensely I love my children. I suppose this is happiness. But at the same time I experience this overwhelming crushing despair about how awful the world can be, the bad things that happen, that people do. I experience terror about these things, especially that they might happen to my children and I can over empathise I suppose and imagine them in ways that feel real, like it will happen to me or my little ones. And also life itself. The sadness that we will leave, that my children will. I feel like I’m too emotional and I just want to weep.

There are times when I’m ok and then it all just hits me and it feels like a crushing weight. Is it normal to feel like this? Is this just what being alive is like? I’m not depressed because I have these waves of intense gratefulness and happiness too. Part of me thinks it’s getting older : I’m waiting for bad things to happen (sickness, elderly parents) and that feeling of waiting for the world to come crushing down on me is just always there. I feel better for getting that off my chest. Is it just the human condition?

OP posts:
Fairysocks · 15/01/2022 08:06

I feel like this - very emotional and empathetic. Everything is VERY real. I'm autistic.

ShirleyPhallus · 15/01/2022 08:08

I feel like this sometimes, like I’m waiting for something awful to happen. Horrible feeling isn’t it, I try and do nice things to distract from it and then it passes

Original poster
Malaisecartes · 15/01/2022 08:10

Yes it's a good idea to try not to go there but I can't always help immersing myself in the feeling. I'm sorry you're both experiencing the same :-( though I'm glad to know I'm not alone

OP posts:
SNUG2022 · 15/01/2022 08:12

I do this. I often wonder if its hormones.

Original poster
Malaisecartes · 15/01/2022 08:13

@SNUG2022 yes I wonder that too. But then I also wonder: is it just our reaction to reality, to real life. It's how it is isn't it? And that's a kind of awful thing to realise

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itsacovidxmasone · 15/01/2022 08:13

Oh my god you have just put into words exactly how I've been feeling these last weeks. I'm 3 weeks into meds again which has brought the contentment back. But I feel it's hard to enjoy our good health and the other positives because I know there are going to be more downs. I am so, so scared about the world we live in, having a beautiful child amplifies this.

RamblinBoy · 15/01/2022 08:15

Yes, I've felt like this since having children.

During my last pregnancy it was out of control. I just felt hopeless all the time, like what is the point of anything when the planet is burning/people are terrible/some terrible fate will probably await my children etc etc. Thankfully I was referred to perinatal mental health, saw a psychologist and started sertraline. It was life changing and now I feel so positive and content again, the way I did before children! I still think those things and worry enormously but it is no longer the crushing overwhelming hopelessness and the very real emotional distress.

Original poster
Malaisecartes · 15/01/2022 08:18

I'm sorry @itsacovidxmasone - it's really hard isn't it? I'm not on any meds and wonder if I should be but then I also think it's just how the world/life is so what will change that? You're so right that it's amplified by young kids and all their innocence and happiness. The guilt that that will be replaced and that they will have to navigate all this too is something else!

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Original poster
Malaisecartes · 15/01/2022 08:19

Thanks @RamblinBoy that's helpful to know, it just helps you manage the feeling better?

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cheeseismydownfall · 15/01/2022 08:20

I can relate to this. I sometimes think it is a cruel trick nature plays on us - we have children when we are still (relatively) young and optimistic and hopeful ourselves, and then as the years pass and we realise more just how grim the world is and become more aware of the struggles and decline that await us in older age we are left thinking "why the fuck did we bring children into this mess?!"

itsacovidxmasone · 15/01/2022 08:21

It's positive to hear the meds have worked for you that way @RamblinBoy Smile I'll give it more time.

It's so hard not to think about all the awful things that happen. Does anyone else go down a rabbit hole when they hear about some terrible illness/accident etc? For example - a young child with stage 4 neuroblastoma, I'll research it like crazy and check symptoms etc. Then go into another abyss about whether my child having slept on a breathing monitor could lead to something like this. It's relentless!

Original poster
Malaisecartes · 15/01/2022 08:22

@itsacovidxmasone oh yes I know the rabbit holes well. It's a protective instinct alongside a horrible knowledge of our lack of control over the world and what can happen

OP posts:
hivemindneeded · 15/01/2022 08:23

I feel like this sometimes, especially the very intense visualisations of something or someone making DC unhappy late rin life. It's anxiety. I had some counselling for it and now as soon as it starts I say to myself very firmly: Stop this. It helps no one. It hasn;t happened, so don;t make it happen in your mind.' Then I make myself think something practical, like what is next on my list of jobs to do or I plan something nice for DC to balance it out.

itsacovidxmasone · 15/01/2022 08:25

Yup that makes sense @Malaisecartes - I don't know how I'm going to cope with the greater independence that comes with growing up (of my child).

My child is 3 now and I can't stop thinking this is the age Madeline McCann went missing - it's even more horrendous now I know the level of cognition a child this age has, and that something like that happened to this beautiful innocent little girl.

Original poster
Malaisecartes · 15/01/2022 08:25

@hivemindneeded thank you, tips for controlling it are so appreciated

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RamblinBoy · 15/01/2022 08:26

Yes, the Sertraline takes the edge off the feelings so that they are not totally crushing. That allows me to use some of the techniques the psychologist taught me about looking at this rationally, not catastrophising etc. Before the sertraline the feelings were too overwhelming to allow me to use any thought techniques.

itsacovidxmasone · 15/01/2022 08:27

@hivemindneeded

I feel like this sometimes, especially the very intense visualisations of something or someone making DC unhappy late rin life. It's anxiety. I had some counselling for it and now as soon as it starts I say to myself very firmly: Stop this. It helps no one. It hasn;t happened, so don;t make it happen in your mind.' Then I make myself think something practical, like what is next on my list of jobs to do or I plan something nice for DC to balance it out.
I'm actually on meds for anxiety so this is promising to read.

Thanks for starting this thread OP. My husband doesn't understand my thoughts and I can't talk to my friends about this!

Original poster
Malaisecartes · 15/01/2022 08:27

@itsacovidxmasone it's so weird that you've just mentioned that because last night I was thinking about exactly this, imagining how she felt and what might have happened to her. She was the same age as my little one now. It's absolutely unbearable and I don't know how to control the sadness of all of that: that it happened, that somebody could do that, that somebody could hurt my own child

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RamblinBoy · 15/01/2022 08:32

My child is 3 now and I can't stop thinking this is the age Madeline McCann went missing - it's even more horrendous now I know the level of cognition a child this age has, and that something like that happened to this beautiful innocent little girl

I'm the same - I have a little blonde 3 year old girl and the thought of her being taken and scared is heart stopping. It's hard to comprehend that nightmare has happened to someone.

Some of the best things the psychologist taught me were

  1. look at the evidence (I'm a lawyer). What is the evidence that this catastrophe is going to happen, likely to happen, could happen, is very unlikely to happen etc

  2. thoughts are not reality. Thinking something does not make it real. How many times have you thought about winning the lottery? Did that make it real? Same applies to bad things. Don't attach weight to thoughts as they are not reality. Attach weight to the here and now.

Original poster
Malaisecartes · 15/01/2022 08:33

I will screenshot these and try to remember them @RamblinBoy

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RamblinBoy · 15/01/2022 08:35

Also sing things out. If you have recurring thoughts of something sing them to the tune of happy birthday. Unfortunately I have recurring intrusive thoughts of hurting my baby which are really distressing. I have to sing them to the tune of happy birthday to take the power away from them so I can move on to the next thought.

Brains are very weird places...

RamblinBoy · 15/01/2022 08:37

There are a lot of techniques out there which are helpful. Look online at the concept of a worry tree as well, might be helpful.

Good luck and give your 3 year olds a cuddle from me Smile

Idolovetrees · 15/01/2022 08:38

I feel like this sometimes, I lost my parents in my thirties and they were quite young so I am aware how short life can be and I am reminded that I will one day leave my children (hopefully not for a long time yet). With Covid and this government too I feel so flat. I long for some excitement and fun in my life again.

TerraNovaTwo · 15/01/2022 08:40

I am like this too. I had an amazing childhood and come from a nice family. The older I get the more I am faced with stark realities. I do think the pandemic has amplified it, so I'm trying it day by day to maintain my 'zen'.

Cherryfizzzz · 15/01/2022 08:46

I totally get it. I am the same. I sometimes think about really upsetting things when I see it on the news. Like when teenagers in a group attack one person. I think about my own kids and the thought of someone physically hurting them. It absolutely hurts me and makes me want to cry.
I am actually dreading them being teenagers. I try and tell myself I was happy. I managed. I survived. I enjoyed my teen years. But it's a sad and scary world out there and I just hope that they both can have a happy life and have good friends and relationships over the years