i think my couzin is a compulsive liar but cant prove it

[masterofdoomv1]

my parents both died one in december 2020 the other in may 2021 my couzin was closer to my mother but for the last couple of years of her life my mother avoided speaking to couzin im now beggining to understand why

Everytime i speak to her she claims to have a different health issues with her back eyes feet body aches anxietty you name it ive tried being understanding but its got too much although she claims to have all these things wrong with her her gp and hospitals have done blood tests and scans which have came back clear

Now shes claiming that dr is sending her for a colonoscopy test she claims dr told her it was to check if she had cancer which i thought was strange a dr sayng that up front ussually they try not to worry a patient i looked up colonoscopy and it says its a test to check her bowels which she claims to have issues with going to bathroom

Some conditions do take years to correctly diagnose, unfortunately. She might have a physical condition they haven’t pinpointed yet. OTOH she may have MH issues.

Either way, don’t pretend to be friendly to her and then post online calling her a liar. If you’re sceptical of her honesty or find her health issues wearing, just politely distance yourself and be less available.

so im just wondering how to handle this situation as i feel ive been through a lot over this last 14 months but this couzin since my mother passed away in may has made everything about her and tbh i feel like i cant believe what she says it seems like shes doing this for attention but she is the only relative i speak too what would you guys do

im not being two faced ive tried supporting her but as ive said ive been through a lot and i lost my mother in may but since then this couzin has made everything about her she knew i had no one to support me at my mothers cremation said she would go but then when she found out that there was friction with my mothers estate she couldnt go then i asked if i could visit her for christmas as this would be my first christmas on my own she said she didnt know what she was doing but she may spend it with her brother if that was myself id be saying well my couzin has lost his parents hes going to be own his own going to be difficuilt havent made plans sure come visit

It just sounds like you have nothing in common, you don't like her, she doesn't like you, just distance yourself from her.

its not a case of not liking her abc my mother distanced herself from couzin for a reason too ive said that so its not just myself

Now shes claiming that dr is sending her for a colonoscopy test she claims dr told her it was to check if she had cancer which i thought was strange a dr sayng that up front ussually they try not to worry a patient i looked up colonoscopy and it says its a test to check her bowels which she claims to have issues with going to bathroom

Why would a doctor send a patient for a test without explaining what they were looking for or what they were trying to rule out?
If your cousin has cancer red flags, that would absolutely be brought up as the reason for referring for a colonoscopy, even if it was emphasised to her that it was unlikely to be that.

I’m very sorry for you loss. I don’t quite understand what you are asking here. No one here can know what went on with your mother and cousins relationship I’m afraid.

On a side note, I have crohns, which obviously affects my bowels, but I also suffer from arthritis from my crohns, with a lot of joint pain and issues, and many people with inflammatory bowel disease have symptoms not related to bowel, such as joint pain, eye conditions, skin conditions. Some people go literally years being fobbed off by drs before they get a diagnosis and treatment. It can be truly terrible.

My crohns was picked up on a colonoscopy, but certainly a Dr could tell a patient that a scope was being done to examine for cancer if that was a concern. Why would they try to pretend otherwise if they knew that was a possibility, and what the patient was worried about? That’s a bit like saying a Dr would pretend that they were sending you for a mammogram for something other than breast cancer if you had a lump.

I think what you need to do here is decide if the effort and emotional energy you put into keeping contact with your cousin is worth what you get back from the relationship. If not, it may be time to take a bit of a break and just explain that you are trying to get over your grief, and just don’t have the emotional and mental strength to be able to support her just now, as you are struggling to cope yourself.

@masterofdoomv1

its not a case of not liking her abc my mother distanced herself from couzin for a reason too ive said that so its not just myself

It is a case of you not liking her, you clearly don't, you googled a procedure she is having to catch her out, you think she's making up illnesses, and a liar in general.

Just distance yourself, maintaining a strained relationship is just going to make you feel worse in the long run.

you can care for somebody but have suspicions and think theyre being dishonest with you abc but ill leave it all i can say is we all have instincts and thats what mine are telling me that shes been dishonest and theres other issues going on making her feel she has to do this she has two siblings an adult neice and nephew who she speaks too why on earth would anybody with that support decide to offload theyre health issues on another relative who has recently lost both parents and is struggling which ive told her but yeah im the jerk obviously

I don't really think you need to 'prove' it. You can step away.

If you have been available and supported her, this is why she is using you for that.

She may not have the self awareness to think that you may be overburdened..

Instead you need to maintain your boundaries over what you can and cannot give.

As PP suggested, just say you can't support her right now as you are dealing with your own stuff.

She may or may not be dramatic/dishonest, it seems like you feel something is not right, this is another reason to distance yourself.

It is absolutely OK to put yourself first.