Moved just before covid and have no friends

[WilsonMilson]

I moved a few months before covid to a place where I have absolutely no friends and know no one except my dh and teenage ds.

I wfh and have had very little opportunity to meet any new friends, and as my ds is older I haven’t met any school mums very often. I have texted with a couple of his friends mums and spoken when we’ve dropped off kids to things, and we’ve always said ‘we must have coffee’, but it never happens. I’ve been guilty of not following up on this though as I think I’ve slipped into a bit of depression and feel quite unlike myself. I speak to neighbours, but it’s no more than a hello in passing.

We go back to our home town during the school holidays as we have a house back in my home town (about 6 hours drive away and across the Irish Sea), and it’s lovely to see my family and old friends, but that’s only for a few weeks a year. I feel great when I’m there, but for the rest of the time I have no one, and finding it nigh on impossible to put myself back out there. I feel as though I’ve lost my identity and my confidence, and have suffered no end of health issues since I’ve been here, which hasn’t helped.

I enjoy my job, I walk every day, I paint and play the piano and enjoy cooking, I listen to endless podcasts and audiobooks, so my life isn’t empty, but I miss my home and my family and friends so much. There’s no prospect of moving back for at least another few years due to DH’s business, and at least I get back during the holidays which I’m grateful for.

I have a lovely life in many ways, a happy marriage, lucky not to have money worries and apart from my health problems, I should be happy. I think I’m just really lonely, miss home and feel like a fish out of water. I’m not sure what I’m even asking here, I suppose some advice from anyone who’s experienced similar.

Hello. Your life sounds wonderful in many ways. A happy marriage, a job you enjoy and no money worries. Plus you have lots of interesting and varied interests. Right there, you're leaps and bounds ahead of many people in the happiness stakes. However, I do understand how lonely and incomplete your life may feel without friends to share this with. For a quick fix I always swear by the Meetup App. Just Google Meetup. There's tonnes of groups in all areas doing many of the things you already do, or new things you might want to try. Go for it

It's a real effort to make friends when you're older, most of mine came from work in The Before Times. It must be impossible now with most people WFH.

I second the suggestion to join Meet Up and attend events that seem interesting to you. You might meet a likeminded person at a painting group, or hiking group. Do you go to a gym or yoga studio? Does your DH socialise and can you piggy back onto that somehow?

Try to nip this in the bud before you get too entrenched into a solitary life. The first year in a new place is always the hardest.

Sorry it’s taken so long to get back to this thread. Have had a bit of a week (was in hospital for a procedure).
Anyway, thanks for this advice, I’m going to look at MeetUp and see if I can start the year off in a more positive way as it really would be nice to feel less isolated.

I also take your point that actually my life is pretty good compared to a lot of people, sometimes it’s easy to forget that when things feel difficult. A perspective adjustment is probably needed.

Hi OP, I could have pretty much written your post. We moved to a completely new area in Feb 2020. It’s really hard. I have the advantage of going in to the office occasionally. Now that we are in the office more I have the opportunity to build relationships with people I meet at work and do have some fledging friendships through that. Without that though, I don’t know how I would have coped so I really feel for you.
I recognise the difficulty in getting out there and feeling like it’s too much / too hard to make the effort, even though the end result is something you really want.
It is important to make the effort though. I agree with meeting people that have similar hobbies - you always have something to talk about. I notice that your hobbies are all things that can be done alone. Is there something you would like to learn and could attend a class, now that they are opening? Maybe join a walking group?
In short though, I understand what you are going through and it’s very difficult.

Are there any Women’s Institute groups within reach? I tried one after my divorce and move and love it. Each group is different and many these days have a mix of ages and do lots of interesting activities and have speakers and workshops as well as sub groups like book groups, walking, supper clubs etc. I’ve met some amazing women at mine and it’s so friendly and supportive. It might be worth checking any in reach.

Do you have anything that you’re interested in or could imagine getting into? I googled groups and activities in my area and found a few classes to try and met people at those. There’s luck involved as it depends on who is at the group or class when you are and whether out of everyone there you find a kindred spirit/s. Some of my friends volunteer at a nature reserve, a theatre and at festivals and have met friends at those. You moved at such a hard time but hopefully now restrictions are easing you can try out a few things. Good luck.