Experiences in deferring summer born children a school year

[youlearnsomethingneweveryday]

Hello, my daughter will be 3 at the very end of April.

She is currently being assessed for autism and has been having regular reviews for delayed speech and language for about a year.
She can speak many singular words but does not put them together and does not follow a lot of direction etc and not yet potty trained.
The doctors have suggested she's 9 months behind in development.

Anyway, she's due to start reception in 2023.
My eldest daughter is currently in reception and I just don't feel like my youngest would be ready to start school next year when looking at the work my eldest is doing and what kind of stage her and her peers are at.

I've looked in to information about deferring a year and I see the bracket for summer born children starts 1st April so she would be eligible.

I had to remove her from nursery in October 2021 as she was extremely distressed, the nursery teachers kept ringing me to get her early and I had to leave my job to look after her at home. She's due to try nursery again this coming September but will be allowed a 1-1 support person with her. (I'm really hoping it will help) she's showing progress but it's small steps. She is still so young!

My question is, does anyone have experience in deferring a year? Was it a good choice?

I know she would be the top end of the bracket for the age eligibility and it's the only thing that I'm questioning myself over. (She would essentially have 3 months of year 11 where she would be 17 for example) and also I'm reluctant that if she does catch up eventually she might be teased for being held back.

Feeling really sad and stressed about it all

There's a Facebook group called, 'Flexible School Admissions for Summer Borns'- I'd suggest starting there.

@ThirdElephant thank you, unfortunately I'm not on Facebook

Yes, I second the Facebook page.

There is a lot of negativity about this on Mumsnet, but we started our August-born at 5 and it was definitely right for him. He just wasn't ready at 4 and fits really well with the cohort he is in. I think you have to do what is right for your child. Good luck!

I agree Mumsnet is quite negative about this at the moment. A few years ago it tended to be more positive and it was MN that influenced me to consider it for my DD (Early July birthday, speech and attention issues at 3). It was the absolute best decision for us. I recommend getting a Facebook account and joining the group mentioned above.

[quote youlearnsomethingneweveryday]@ThirdElephant thank you, unfortunately I'm not on Facebook [/quote]
Make a Facebook account with a throwaway email- takes two minutes. Just explain on the sign up questions for the group that you've been told to come here by Mumsnet but didn't have Facebook before so that's why your profile is new.

I don't have experience of this but my DS who turned 4 in June started reception in September and tbh I'm really not sure if it was the right decision. Socially, I think he's too old to be in a room with a bunch of 3 year olds but he's not interested in learning to read and all the phonics. It's not an easy decision but if your child has special needs it sounds like something to consider. Maybe talk to the school and nursery and see what they think?

We looked at it (July born). At the time, the secondary in the areas wouldn't accept differed years. So she would have missed year 6 and gone to secondary with the children from the year above.

I didn't want her to have to leave her friends and miss year 6. So we excited against it. It actually worked out well and she is almost 18 and going to uni next year. So u would check if secondaries can still do this.

I think for some kids it can benefit, but I would suggest seeing what happens when your child transfers from primary.

I deferred my ds. He started Reception this September and is thriving. He's neurotypical but he's August born and was very immature. I didn't feel from a personal, social and emotional point of view that he was ready. He stayed on an extra year at nursery which did him the world of good.
I agree with other posters that Mumsnet tend to be very negative towards deferring and would definitely advise you to join Facebook and the summer born group. It's a wealth of information.

My son has recently left school (now at university).there were a significant number of pupils at thst school who had deferred and so were a year older than "normal" in both GCSE and A'level years. The school is very well regarded for having very mature well personally developed vhildren, perhaps this contributes? My youngest daughter is starting reception next year. We are deffering her start. It never crossed my mind to worry about her age in each year. I think its easier to cope when you ae the older thild on the year. This is definitely a plus. A year makes the most enormous difference when you are 4,5 or 6 years old. I feel it definitely makes the difference between being ready for school or not.

In your situation I would definitely consider this. DS (4) has a speech delay and if he had a birthday post April 1st (he’s autumn) I would absolutely apply for him to join reception a year later. As it is I can’t imagine how he will learn to read in September.

May born DD2 is NT (and has always been on track developmentally) but she really struggled in reception and I went through a stage of wishing I’d campaigned for her to start a year later. I think formal schooling is a big ask for lots of them who have just turned four. Where I live there are usually a couple in each cohort who start a year late. The kids don’t seem to think anything of it.

Ds2 (4) has a July birthday and was supposed to start reception in September 2021. We’ve deferred and he’s going to the school nursery this year. Speaking with his teachers they feel (as do we) that it’s the right decision - he would not do well in reception at the moment, he fits in perfectly where he is and copes well

In short, no regrets at all

I didn’t realise my DS was Autistic when I decided to defer his school place. I just think children start school too young in the UK.
I’m so glad I did keep him in nursery for another year because he has found school difficult enough at age 5, not academically but socially, which is a huge part of it in reception.
In your situation I’d definitely defer.

In your situation I think it’s a no brainer. If she’s 9 months behind her peers now then this will give her a chance to catch up and she will have a much better chance of thriving. The cut off is 1 April for a reason and your DD is inside it so I really wouldn’t agonise over if from that perspective. You’ve also got time though - my DC is a year older and we’ve only just done his primary application so you could keep it under review this year.

In your situation I absolutely would.

I have no experience of delaying a year, but I do have an autistic ds who would have benefited enormously from starting a year later. Even now he's 12 I still think this. I didn't know it was a thing back when he was starting school though, plus he's late March birthday and probably wouldn't have been allowed.

If your DD is autistic, I wouldn't worry too much about her being older than other children. Autism comes with delayed social and emotional development, so being with a slightly younger cohort can be very helpful.

I considered this for DS as he's end of Aug born and was emotionally immature for his age. We took advice from nursery and in the end decided against it.
He's physically very able and above average height and verbally totally caught up. Now aged 9 and in y5. I don't regret our decision as he's in a nice cohort and had great teachers, achieving well in all areas. Emotionally he is still immature though and struggles from time to time. Thinking of getting him assessed for adhd.
In your case though, if you are already getting her assessed for asd and she is verbally behind then I think it would be a wise choice. Even if the assessment is inconclusive you will probably find that she will be overwhelmed more easily in year R. The early years setting is far better suited to getting the independent skills sorted, coats/ shoes on and off, independent eating and toileting etc so another year would help. Having said that. She's 2 and not toilet trained yet - that is totally normal

I didn't defer. I absolutely regret it.

Thank you everyone! I'll try sign up for Facebook a bit later to have a look.

I'm leaning more towards keeping her back a year. I just want to give her the best opportunity to catch up and be in a group where she fits in.