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How to move on from a long-standing and/or family home.

3 replies

changeyourname11111 · 14/01/2022 05:41

I’ve lived where I live for 24 years. My dc have only known this house.

The plan in my head has always been to move when my youngest finishes school in two and a half years. Exh chose where we live so being able to start a new life somewhere that I choose I thought would be exciting.

But, I have no idea where I would go (or too many ideas) but more importantly how I am ever going to be able to leave this house.

There is some sadness linked to the house - my horrible divorce happened here so it has been witness to that - and also to some of the horrible things that happened between ex and I before that (eg ex not speaking to me for weeks at a time for example which happened fairly regularly).

It’s a lovely house but needs money spent on it which I don’t have. I don’t think I will ever be able to leave it though. I was wondering if anyone could relate to that and feels the same about where they live.

At the beginning of our relationship and when the dc were small, extended family and friends used to come here regularly.

No one comes here now - literally no one. Partly due to the divorce, changing life (dc at secondary school), and the pandemic. But there is the memory of the people who did come here including my Mum who died when my dc were small.

I can’t imagine someone else living here, or walking down this street and not being able to go into the house (the answer is not to walk down this street I know).

How do people navigate emotional moves of this type?

OP posts:
CharSiu · 14/01/2022 09:35

It’s so strange you have started this thread as I have been having similar thoughts. In the last few days we have seen a house we could move to, we were not planning to move right now but it’s in our road. I know and love this road but the move right now is too complicated to contemplate.

But it made me really grasp the fact that we could leave this house one day and it scared me, I shocked myself as I’m not a sentimental person really. I have never felt this way about anywhere I have lived before. Maybe it’s because we bought our babies home here plus people who I have loved who have died have been here.

You do have 2.5 years to get used to the idea and lots of things could have changed by then. But yes I feel the same as you.

CMOTDibbler · 14/01/2022 09:40

In 2020 I had to sell my parents house when they died - the only house they had lived in together, where I was born and everything in my 48 years. But seeing the happiness of the people who bought it, and it becoming a vibrant family home again was amazing, and they were able to spend the money to make it the house it deserved to be.
And your move will be able to be the start of your next bit in life, controlled by you and not your Ex. Yes, it will be sad to leave the house, but you have all the memories and its time for that house to make new memories for someone else

squashyhat · 14/01/2022 10:01

I'm 61 and have lived in my house for 25 years. I loved it when I first saw it and I still love it. But it's not really practical for older people so at some point I will have to move. Not so long ago I was trying to persuade my Dad that moving from the family home was a good idea. He refused and in the end died before he could anyway. I now find myself dreading the day when I have to make that decision for myself Sad

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