Tired, in a foul mood and need a shake to get out of it

[bloodywhitecat]

Life is hard at the moment. I know it is for everyone but I am really struggling today with the pressure of doing everything for everyone and not having a moment to myself. My mood is shocking today, my back aches and my body is beyond knackered. I am a foster carer and a carer for my lovely DH who has terminal cancer and has had a massive stroke which has left him pretty much bedbound and absolutely unable to help me out at all (he has lost the use of his right hand side and his speech). His cancer is taking hold rapidly and I am scared, tired, sore and scared. I would love a good night's sleep in a proper bed, I sleep downstairs on an airbed to be near him in case he needs anything in the night. What I wouldn't give for a bath or a cup of tea made for me.

Sending you a hug

What one small thing can you do for yourself right now that would give you a bit of comfort or joy?

I’m so sorry OP. Sending you
Could you get some help with looking after DH from a carer for a bit so you could get a break?

That sounds really hard. Give yourself a squeeze first - youre doing a sterling job. It's totally understandable that you're feeling all those things you're feeling. @AnneLovesGilbert's suggestion is a good one.

Can you try some deep breathing for a bit? In through your nose for 7, hold for 4, through your mouth for 8? It won't change the situation but it might help how you feel for 5 minutes.

Sending a virtual hug to you. Do you have any outside support from family and friends?

You need a hug not a shake

Is there anyway you could get a better sleep? Proper mattress put on the floor or a system for DH to speak to you if you slept upstairs? (I'm thinking like a baby monitor so you would hear him if he called for you)

Is there any respite care available or a friend who would come in & sit with your DH while you get a bath? I would be there in a shot & I'm not a very nice person so I'm sure someone would love to be allowed the privilege of being able to help.

I’m not very huggy and I don’t do flowers, but OP, you have my thoughts and sympathy, and . DM was diagnosed with a lymphoma at Christmas, and we’re just starting on the cancer care journey.

Can you get out for a walk, ever, at all? With DM, two teens and work, walking/running gives me the headspace i need.

We do have carers three times a day, they are supposed to be here for an hour but they are often late to arrive and early to leave as they are so pushed to get from client to client. Marie Curie should be starting nights soon so that will help.

What I want more than anything right now is a lie in, DD and my son-in-law are coming on Saturday and are staying over, I might ask then if they would mind getting up with the kids so I can rest in bed for a bit. That and a box of Newbury Fruits!

Sound tough and definitely like you need help not a shake. How old are your foster kids can they help out practically with other stuff to give you a break. Wash the pots load the washing machine cook a tea. Do you have some support someone to talk too sound off at anyone that could sleep for just one night. Its amazing how just one good night can give you the strength to go on again for days.

OP, please do get in contact with Marie Curie or Macmillan - it sounds like you are utterly worn out. Getting some carers in will give you some space. That's the first thing.
The second is to find some way for you to have a proper night's sleep. Is he in your home and so in a room downstairs? If so, the baby monitor is a good idea.
If not and you are staying in his home (and there is no way for you to have a proper bed there), would he consider going into a setting where he can be cared for so that you just have to visit? I'm pretty sure in his case funding would be found for at least the first six weeks. (My DM had a bad fall - multiple pelvic fractures and the bone around a previous hip replacement, didn't need to be in hospital, so went to a place with nursing staff and carers.)
My heart really goes out to you.

Definitely ask for a lie in, but would that work with you sleeping downstairs? Can you ask them to do the night watch so you can really try and switch off?

X-posted, sorry (and sorry also for mid-reading your post as DF not DH. I then saw your username and realised).
So you at least have some plans in place. That's a good thing.
Do you have anyone who could come to stay whilst you're waiting for Marie Curie to kick in? It really does read to me like you need a break as soon as possible.

P.S. the lie-in and Newbury fruits sounds like an excellent plan, and even better if someone could bring you breakfast in bed.
No shaking from me OP, and very definite hugs.

bloodywhitecat

Another horrible auld trout here (I’m Sheldon in another manifestation) and I too would be desperate to just scoop you up in a bosie and take the reins for a bit. I bet your DD and SIL will be happy to give you a proper sleep when you ask.

I wish that I could wave a wand for you but all the fairy dust on the world can’t make things better for you and your family.

If I were near you, you’d have your tea and a ruddy big sleep and a great big fat bath but I suspect you aren’t in the wilds of the north and therefore my offer is about as much use as nowt.

So no shakes here flower. Not one.

@bloodywhitecat, I can’t do anything to help practically but would love to send you a box of Newberry fruits if you’d accept them!! I saw them in Home Bargains before Christmas and almost got a couple of boxes but didn’t on the grounds I’d only eat them!!

I feel for you OP. I think you should ask for help in real life...you need a break.