‘Wedding gift’ to co-habiting niece also

[Riverlee]

In the next couple of months, my nephews getting married. His older sister has never married, but is in a long term relationship, living with partner, and has a baby. Obviously we’ll be giving the wedding couple a gift.

It suddenly dawned on me, that perhaps we should make a gesture to his sister at some point also. They’ve never married, as such, but have met their ‘life-partner’. They have no plans to marry.

As any of the mn-folk done anything similar? If so, how do you approach it?

Did you get them a baby gift? We just celebrate moments as they come so I wouldn’t normally get a gift for an occasion that hasn’t happened like her wedding. But it is a lovely thought just I don’t know anyone that does that in my family.

I wouldn't, same as above we tend to do moments.
New house
Baby
Wedding
Etc

So I assume they will have had a gift from you at some point. What if this new married couple never have a baby. When would be the right time to give them a gift because you did for your other relatives who did have children?

I’d not do this, in case there is some resentment about not being married, if there is a gift kind of rubs it in, but do recognise their milestones.

I'd not do it either. Same reasons as above.

Hmm I guess for me it depends on whether it's a really substantial cash gift, talking house deposit or buy a car kind of thing? In which case yes I suppose you could have a chat with your niece and mention that you are doing this for her brother and would like to do similar for them, perhaps they have a big house renovation project coming up or similar and you could contribute or they might like you to put some money in the baby's savings account (although you will then have to do the same for any subsequent children and your nephews' children if they have them so could get really expensive!).

If it's more a normal wedding 'mark of affection' type gift but not life changing in any way then I wouldn't worry too much, DH and I weren't married for many years/decades and when we eventually did we didn't have a wedding as such, so we missed out on many of the gifts our siblings and friends got on their wedding days (some have been married multiple times as well so got multiple rounds of wedding gifts!), it never occurred to us to feel left out, unloved or cheated, it was our choice not to get married after all and we saved £££ on wedding costs so it all evens out in the end. Perhaps you could be particularly generous with your niece at the next 'milestone' she has, a big birthday or if they get the baby christened or if they move house although again if yours is the kind of family where notes are kept on value of gifts and comparisons might be made (no judgement here, my family can be a bit that way, it's a bit childish but it's how they are), perhaps do it discreetly to avoid setting expectations that this is what you'll do for all subsequent birthdays/children/whatever?

2 nieces. One got married and as we were her only aunt and no kids of our own we offered to take care of honeymoon costs as wedding present. Roll forward 5years with no sign of second niece getting married, we offered her an equivalent amount. Her p said 'thanks very much. We are going to the USA this summer and that will buy a lot of ice cream!' CF. That put me off him (for ever!)