Old house owners being a pain

[Moaningturtle]

We completed on our house in mid November. It started in the day of completion when she was still in the house 3 hours after completing moving stuff out, and then left a load of stuff in the garden to come and collect another time. It was annoying, especially as the clutter in the garden made our moving in harder, but it we were accommodating and polite.

Then the packages started arriving all the way up to Xmas, including a few which we missed delivery of that weren’t named so we had to go to the collection office to get packages that turned out were not for us! This got a bit more annoying. Then her partner (who wasn’t even joint owner) messaged me informing me that UPS will be delivering a very important package that day and could I make sure I sign for it!! On that occasion I told him no, I was sleeping and can’t get up to answer deliveries (I work nights). It happened to come while I was awake though so I dutifully took it to a requested neighbours house.

Then he messaged me asking me to contact Virgin Media and take over his contract!! I said no thank you very much, we have our own broadband sorted. He seemed a bit miffed as I assume he now has to pay for the remainder of the contract.

All a bit annoying but we put up with it. But the latest instalment is that we’ve had Virgin media knocking on our door demanding we give back their equipment. Now, they did leave a router plugged into the wall which I assumed they didn’t want as why would they leave it in a house they had sold? So I put it straight in the garage….I think? It’s possible it went to the recycling centre with other electronics we were getting rid of. If it is in the garage it’s way way way back there behind all the stuff we haven’t yet unpacked/general garage crap. And now the previous owner is WhatsApp-ing me about finding it for her as I assume she’ll be charged.

I know it all seems like small stuff and I should probably just do it, but I work at night then sleep for 4 hours before picking the kids up from school and the whole clubs/dinner/homework/bath time/ bed time routine. Then I’m back at work!

At what point can I stop being obliging and just block them from my phone? Or am I being petty here?!

They sound like they are disorganised 12 year olds expecting you to be their mummy. Ridiculous.

With the assertiveness, I have tried but it’s like I physically can’t do it. I just can’t bear the thought of how awkward it would feel, especially if I’m face to face with someone. It’s like a phobia, I can’t physically do it. I really don’t want to be a walk over. I want to work on it, or pray menopause hits soon!!

I used to be like you - a bit of a people pleaser. It is really hard to say 'no' when you've always said 'yes' before.

It does get easier, though. You'll find that people stop taking advantage of you. I realised that things were very one sided and that I would change my plans to help someone else out, but that this was never reciprocated. I'm not a complete old bag, I will still drop everything to help a friend in genuine need, but people find that they can, in fact, organise themselves to do the things that they ask you to do, once you stop doing these things for them. You're doing them a favour by refusing, really!!

@moaningturtle

"I’ve ordered the book linked up thread, thank you for the recommendation"

Lets hope it doesn't go to your old address . . . . you'll probably let them read it first and then lend it too their friends before they ask you to go round and collect it!

I'm pulling your leg, of course. I'm sure you've made all of the changes you've needed to with regards to things like that, like a responisble adult does. The ex-owners of your property clearly aren't and the best thing in the world for you to do is say "fuck 'em"!

And get some more kip. 4 hours isn't enough . . .

When I moved last I never exchanged phone numbers with my buyers but they continued to raise ridiculous queries for a couple of years after moving via the solicitor. I would have preferred (if there really was an issue) for them to contact me via the estate agent or a neighbour. Using a solicitor meant I was made to feel I could be sued if I did not do what they wanted.

"Unfortunately anything you left at the property after X date has been removed.
Any post that continues to be sent here for you will not be accepted marked 'return to sender'"

I would send the above as my final communication with them and be done. If they continue to contact you, I would report them for harassment.

With the assertiveness, I have tried but it’s like I physically can’t do it. I just can’t bear the thought of how awkward it would feel, especially if I’m face to face with someone. It’s like a phobia, I can’t physically do it. I really don’t want to be a walk over. I want to work on it, or pray menopause hits soon!!

I used to be like that but it has got easier as I've got older (not sure if the menopause influenced it but dealing with awful periods did give me a bit of a 'fuck this shit' attitude which may have carried over into the rest of my life ).

I think the key is to get annoyed about it (talk yourself into this if need be), most CFs are cowards and will back down if confronted. For the ones that don't, say your piece politely and walk away, don't engage don't try to explain (or get your DH to deal with it!).

At the beginning you might have to put on an act (whilst quaking inside) but it's like decluttering, it's shit at the time but you feel so good afterwards.

@Moaningturtle

I’ve ordered the book linked up thread, thank you for the recommendation.

Just to be clear the garage is full of our crap not theirs, with the possible exemption of the virgin router! It probably is in there, DH would find it hard to chuck a perfectly good thing that “might” (will never) come in “handy”

With the assertiveness, I have tried but it’s like I physically can’t do it. I just can’t bear the thought of how awkward it would feel, especially if I’m face to face with someone. It’s like a phobia, I can’t physically do it. I really don’t want to be a walk over. I want to work on it, or pray menopause hits soon!!

you don't have to be assertive face to face though. for now send a very short message: please don't contact me again. and then block.

then practice in any situation.
even at work (if appropriate)

colleague: can you put items away now?
you: I can't right now. either ask another colleague or it has to wait until I finished my task.

colleague: would you like milk in your tea?
you: no thank you (just to practice saying no to someones face)

Remember OP - the card the postie leaves for missed parcels should have a name on it. Not your name? Ignore it.

You're a saint for putting up with this OP!

Tell Virgin to take it up with the previous owner. They have their contact details to get in touch with them.

It's not normal at all for them to be so disorganised in moving things like this. Especially 2 months later!

Don't take packages in for them either. If you open the door and the package is addressed to previous owner tell the postie they don't live there any more and they'll need to take it back to the depot for collection or re-delivery. That should teach them to start putting the right address on their stuff and get their details changed on their accounts.

Virgin Media charge £125 for non return of their property.

So that's why the ex owner called you and asked you to take over the contract. They'd probably just found out. Cheeky fuckers of the highest order.

Disorganized people need to deal with the consequences of their own actions. Block them. If you hear anything else, solicitors letter. I'd also put up a small sign by the door saying "Parcels for (cheeky fuckers A & B) will not be accepted, they are no longer at this address". And contact Virgin to let them know what's going on. If you have CF's new address, you could helpfully pass that on.

I moved into the home of someone who was drowning in debt. I spent the first three months dodging bailiffs and responding to final demand letters. It was actually weirdly easy to get rid of them, some didn't even want a forwarding address. But it's hassle that should have left with the last owner. I even got her carpark fine from her new town sent to my address.

Just stop!

Definitely block them . Refuse to accept any parcels and tell Virgin to take a running jump
Cheeky f**rs!!

@Bollindger

Dear ex owner. As per our contract you took all your items from inside the house. We have no knowledge of the Virgin item. Please redirect all postage, as from Sunday all items will be marked return to sender, and handed in at the post office.

Just to add that 3 years after we moved in (and we did not exchange email or phone details with our vendors), a nice box of craft beer arrived for the bloke vendor from an unknown sender.

It was lovely!

I taught for a few years and I was just about to help someone else when a student piped up “do you know what that sounds like? Someone else’s problem”. Changed my life in a good way. I will still help when I can but sometimes it’s good to think and say no actually that’s not my problem. Up to then I took on everyone else’s problems.

I'd be inclined to text them with FUCK OFF, YOU MONSTER. But I can be a bit reactionary.

Can people please stop telling the OP to contact Virgin Media.

She is not the account holder.

It is not her issue.

And they will not talk to her anyway. She is not the account holder.

OP one other piece of advice - set up alerts with the credit rating companies because it is rather odd that they are still getting parcels delivered way after they moved out. You don't want to find that have debts. Also make sure you have something handy that proves you are now the homeowner (council tax bill, for example) in case a bailiff calls. You should not have to prove that you are not Mr & Mrs Cheeky Wotsits but it saves time and grief in the long run.

All the above advice is excellent, but lordy couriers would make this hard these days in bloody Covid world - they are nearly all very much leave it, ring the bell and run around here ... kind of like 'Knock Down Ginger' with prizes.

You have been far too obliging so far but with the bolshy might of MN behind you things are going to change and you will be pulling on your big girl pants in no time!

So I do understand why you don't want to be assertive . dealing with that is not for now.

So the quieter (but just as effective) route.

Put a sign on your door.

Mr and Mrs John and Jane Smith no longer live at this address.
We will not accept any parcels or post for them, please do not ring or knock, or leave on the doorstep, please return to sender.
We do not have anything of theirs, (Virgin router, etc), please contact them and not us, as we do not have it.

Then if you feel you can, send them a text saying that you are no longer able to accept parcels or post for them.
Then block them on all media etc.

Used to work with a guy whose favourite saying was, “don’t make your problems my problems.” And I’ve lived with that mantra ever since. Send message to woman saying ‘No, can’t do that, you should have sorted this out yourself.” Then block. Good luck op, they sound like massive cfs.

HerbertChops my mum used to say that bless her

Thank you all, I am feeling more assertive already. I think the trick is to talk myself into being pissed off. The rare few times I’ve shown assertiveness have all been in a bit of a blind rage, I end up shaking afterwards but ultimately feel much better as I’ve stood my ground!

@Moaningturtle

Is there anyway that virgin can come after me for the equipment, as technically I do possibly have it, somewhere?!

No, the contract is with the previous owners.

I cannot believe people could be so cheeky as to expect this of you!!! What are you, their housekeeper??? Do they still think they live at YOUR address!!!

How did these people ever manage to buy a house in the first place if they’re this incompetent?

They sound like students calling home from uni for random things because they haven’t learnt to live like adults yet. Block them, they’re ridiculous.