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Do I have no empathy?

5 replies

nellytheelephantscircus · 12/01/2022 12:18

I haven't had an easy life and have experienced some devastating losses during it. Not to go into too much detail as obviously is outing but I lost a parent to suicide in a horrific fashion, suffered infertility and adopted a child who now as a teenager has significant behavioural/emotional problems, my ex-H had an affair and left me and I have no family support as they are all very self absorbed and don't really have the time to offer any practical or emotional help.

I just get on with it. I don't moan, I don't feel overly sorry for myself, I don't feel envy towards my friends who look like they've got it all (on the outside). I feel happy for them and I feel ok with what I do have. I don't have the Mumsnet 6 figure salary, I earn just under the national average for a 40 hour week, I like to keep a nice clean house and socialise with friends and do cheap days out with my DC. I have started to date someone who is lovely.

But, the problem I have is I just can't bear to hear what I deem as "trivial" issues from others without thinking in my head "Are you serious- I earn half of what you do and manage" or "Really? My DC's school have excluded her again for xx days this week due to her behaviour and you're telling me about a squabble your kids had over the iPad" etc. Also reading on MN how people are "devastated" or "struggling to cope" after something I would class as minor makes me think "FGS, pull yourself together and get a grip".

How can I become more empathetic for others as I am generally a nice person and these thoughts are becoming more likely to actually pop out of my mouth as time goes on and I don't want to hurt or offend anyone.

OP posts:
MrsPotatoHead22 · 12/01/2022 12:23

Have you tried counselling given everything that you've been through? It sounds like you're emotionless which is understandable.

NuffSaidSam · 12/01/2022 12:29

Maybe think of people who have it even worse than you to contextualise it?

There's always someone worse off, but that doesn't mean your problems are not bothering you. Each person's problems and struggles are their own. Squabbling DCs is a problem, it's not as big a problem as a child being excluded, but it's still a problem for that person. Just like a child being excluded isn't as much of a problem as a child being sent to prison/seriously injured/very unwell, but it's still stressful and upsetting for you isn't it?

Sexnotgender · 12/01/2022 12:31

It’s not a race to the bottom.

However I do think there is a lack of resilience in some people which I can understand may be frustrating for you and hard to understand.

nellytheelephantscircus · 12/01/2022 12:39

@MrsPotatoHead22 I haven't tried counselling but I think I'm at the point I might need to if it's likely to help, as I really don't like feeling like this.

OP posts:
nellytheelephantscircus · 12/01/2022 12:44

@NuffSaidSam You're absolutely right and this is what I want advice about because I really do want to FEEL for them and not just give lip service.

OP posts:
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