Bullying at School

[concernparent5]

My daughter goes to a primary private school. Recently she has been bullied ranging from being pushed to being told you cannot play with them. Also laughed and being made fun if she makes a mistake in a sports lesson
As a result she has lost her confidence in her studies, sports that she loves. We have discussed with the school but not much luck there. They have not done much to address the issues. Unfortunately my daughter is sensitive and she gets very upset at these incidents. It is a specific girl and sidekick that is picking on her.
I have told her to ignore it but to no avail. Any advice please, I would be utmost grateful. I do not know what to do anymore. Does she need to see a psychiatrist?

We are afraid to take to the board of governors as this school is assessing the girls this year and next year prior to 11+.
As our daughter is not doing so well in her studies due to the bullying, the school might ask us to leave rather than solve this issue

I'd be marching into school today and demanding to speak to the headmaster. I've always told my kids someone pushes or hits you first then hit them back. Won't be in trouble with me.

@concernparent5

My daughter sometimes says she wishes she did not live which we say dont be ridiclous and I try to show her how lucky we in comparison to children from other parts of the world. I am trying to make her understand she should be grateful but to no avail

OP please don't say this kind of thing to her. You're totally invalidating and trivialising her feelings by saying that. She's going through a horrible time, telling her to be grateful isn't going to work in any way whatsoever and is likely to make her feel very unsupported/unheard. And calling her feelings 'ridiculous' can be very damaging.

In my opinion you seem to be pushing a lot of the resolution of the problem onto your daughter. For example focusing on that she needs to see a psychiatrist, and when she is telling you sometimes she wishes she was dead you tell her she should be grateful she doesn't have it worse!? You got dismissed once by the other girls parents and so you won't approach them again?

I'm trying to say this as respectfully as possible, but buck up! As per other advice which has been very good, keep a log of everything, log everything with the school and keep at them. Squeaky wheel and all that. Other mum is avoiding you because she knows her daughter is a bully!

I'm sorry this is happening though, I was bullied at primary school and my confidence was all but ruined, the feeling of being unliked stayed with me all through secondary and uni too. The bullies should have been come down on like a ton of bricks and they never were, I felt like I was being told off instead for making a fuss

Sounds like she needs to boost up her confidence. My granddaughter goes to weekly tai kwondo and it has really boosted her confidence

Not saying she should go around kicking people , they learn a lot of stuff in all areas and builds confidence

@concernparent5

We are afraid to take to the board of governors as this school is assessing the girls this year and next year prior to 11+. As our daughter is not doing so well in her studies due to the bullying, the school might ask us to leave rather than solve this issue

I missed this while I was posting. For goodness sake, you need to kick up merry hell! Your poor daughter is being bullied and you think she might be asked to leave! What do you think that is going to do to her mental health?? And you won't act because you're afraid.

Stop being afraid and stick up for your girl!

You are correct, we are keeping a log of everything now and we are trying our best to encourage her mentally.
It is probably best to move schools as the teachers are not solving these issues

Read their anti bullying policy, every school has one and show them exactly how they are not adhering to their own guidelines. Don't worry about rocking the boat with the school. They're the ones at fault. Your daughter will learn from the way you react to these arseholes.I would give them one last chance after speaking with them again, then inform the governors and the LEA. Your poor daughter is being failed by this school.

@concernparent5

You are correct, we are keeping a log of everything now and we are trying our best to encourage her mentally. It is probably best to move schools as the teachers are not solving these issues

Didn't you say your daughter doesn't want to move school though? She just wants the bullying to stop, she doesn't want to start again somewhere new. Keep on at the school, don't be afraid of them.

Bloody hell, I wouldn't give a fuck what the mother said. Get in there and sort it out. Get angry about it
Let your child see that you are an advocate for her. No one should tolerate this
Your poor little girl

We have read their antibullying policy and they have very strict guidelines

We will give it a another try and be firm this time, maybe we did not show how upset we were at these incidents. If that does not work, I was thinking of writing to Ofsted.

My daughter does not want to leave school at the moment and you are correct as a new school will bring different issues

I have told her if it happens again to push the girl back, if the girl says you cant play with us, say that your problem and your loss
If she makes laugh at you constant, laugh back or smile. I hope she will but unsure if she will being the sensitive person she is

Thank you all for you advice, we appreciate your advice very much

Does she need to see a psychiatrist?

No. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who treat people for mental illnesses. Your daughter is not mentally ill. Go to the school and get them to deal with this. See other posters’ responses above. This should be dealt with by the school.

How you deal with this will affect your daughter's whole life. Stick up for her, don't blame her. Fight for her until you're blue in the face. My son was bullied in primary school and we didn't deal with it properly and now, in his mid 20s, he is still dealing with the psychological consequences. That is our fault, his parents, for having let him down.

And don't trivialise it. Don't get her a psychiatrist - she's responding appropriately to a threat to her happiness. The school, the other parents and the bully are the ones who are behaving poorly. And, I'm sorry to say, you. I know it's hard, but pull your bloody finger out

Its irrelevant how upset you were, you dont have to show you are upset; you only have to show there has been an incident of bullying.

I posted a link upthread of resources that help you make a complaint and escalate a complaint that hasn't been dealt with. Please read it!

anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/advice-and-support/making-complaint-about-bullying

Thank you, we have since emailed the school about the new incidents but have not heard back

Thank you all for your advice