I am 65 and my wife is 60. We have three now grown up children and have been married for 33 years. For much of the time we have been happy and we still get on and have shared values.
For more than 10 years my wife had shown absolutely no interest in sex or indeed any physical contact, whatsoever, particularly in the bedroom. This as clearly she feels that any contact might lead to intimacy or sex.
Previously, we had a good and fulfilling sex life. But this has long since been replaced by an awkwardness and uncomfortableness when we are in bed together where absolutely no physical contact takes place.
I attribute all this to the menopause, a subject which really should be on the secondary school national curriculum. I am fit for my age and in good shape and miss sex which I believe is vital in any marriage and often the glue which binds the relationship. I miss the closeness and post coital intimacy which sexual intimacy engenders.
I am sad and whilst increasingly resigned to the situation am frustrated by my wife’s refusal/inability to discuss the matter openly, honestly and rationally.
Occasionally I explode with sexual frustration and we argue. My wife has claimed Why should I have to open my legs to keep you happy? but it is never just about that or as crude as that. Or such a binary choice.
I feel she should still want to please me and me her.
On bad days (and there have been a few in the last decade + of creeping isolation - we now go to bed and get up at different times) I want to leave.
But I don’t because of our three children and the impact our separation would have on them.
At one level I feel I am living a lie as this has destroyed our marriage and stopped me loving her.
What to do?
Very keen to receive the thoughts of other women and a female perspective.