Do you make love or have sex with your OH

[LizzyLizLiz]

NCd for this. I'm late forties, I am a heterosexual woman and I have had a few sexual partners in my life. However I really cannot see the romantic side of sex. When my OH and I 'do it' I'm pretty sure we do not 'make love' but, rather, have sex despite we love each other.

I just don't understand how an activity where you are not in a 'cuddling' position, not unless it's the 'traditional' missionary, can be considered intimate and romantic. Am I weird? The thing here is that I believe I may be missing out by not linking sex to love. Don't get me wrong - I wouldn't have sex with anyone besides my OH. But I don't understand how I can find the romantic side to this and I'd like to as I'm confident it'd make our relationship stronger.

I'd really appreciate your input here as at my age I feel I've already missed out on this long enough.

A lot of the intimacy in sex comes from the build-up and the afterglow, where cuddling etc can happen even if the positions/activities haven’t facilitated that feeling of romance. Do you take 5-10 mins afterwards to just chill out?

I think its just a feeling. A certain sort of erotic but intimate and emotional arousal. I love it when it happens. It feels so special. I guess its just a style of sex

Both I would say. Sometimes it's the slow romantic kind (doesn't have to be strictly missionary, for example you can do spooning sex too where you're really close and cuddling) and other times more 'just sex' kind.

I agree with pp, it's the build up and the after bit that is more romantic. I appreciate being told I'm loved during as well! The term 'make love' is pretty cringy though, I think I'd rather have sex!

Do you look into each other's eyes while you're shagging? (Not during oral. That just skeeves me out.) Eye contact during sex boosts the lovey-dovey feelings. Try that when you're in a face-to-face position.

Both. For me the difference is in the style as mentioned above. Making love is sensual and lots of eye contact/words like "I love you" "you're beautiful"

Sex is great too but usually hard/rough/quick and exciting!

I think we male love, but we'd never, ever call it that

Oh that's a rotten typo

Yeah it's sex to me

Both. Sometimes we have a quickie on the sofa or in the kitchen that could never be called 'making love' but sometimes we take more time, light candles, have massages etc and that always feels more intimate and emotional and more like 'making love'.

Both, and lots of levels (was going to say shades, but...you know... 🙄) in between.

We're more of a "fancy a shag?" sort of a couple. No eye gazing, but the fact that DH is the only man I have sex with makes it intimate and exclusive anyway.

The phrase "make love" makes me retch, but I'm not averse to a good fuck.

We have sex, I don't think we make love. We have really quite passionate and interesting sex, and it is incredible, but it's fun, and to me 'making love' feels too serious for fun sex.

If anything though I would describe our kissing as making love. That's where I really feel the intimacy and connection. Cher did try to tell us!

Case in point: we also fuck. Which, again, is quite different to having sex. But that’s all I’m going to say about that.

@MelonTits

A lot of the intimacy in sex comes from the build-up and the afterglow, where cuddling etc can happen even if the positions/activities haven’t facilitated that feeling of romance. Do you take 5-10 mins afterwards to just chill out?

We do - usually cuddle and have a snooze. We then get up and have some food! Very pleased to hear I'm not strange :-)

I think talking helps - we make love and have sex , but we always talk to each other when we're doing it. I find it very romantic and erotic to have him talking about how much he loves me when we're doing the deed .....and the same for him.

Sex. Definitely. I think I've felt I've "made love" perhaps three times in my life and it really did feel different.

Sometimes though there's nothing quite like a good fuck.

Very happy to hear that the way I do it is normal and that I'm not missing out on lots of romantic time. It's something I have been wondering for years. Especially when in movies you see those scenes where they are face to face, looking into each other's eyes, lots of neck kissing, etc. I know it's movies but was still wondering whether that was the 'default' mode!

I don't like the phrase making love so I would refer to it as having sex. Sometimes it's more cuddly other times it's more 'sexy'.

We have a bit of both. Whether we're going fast or slow, hard or gentle, it's always passionate and orgasmic. But I find looking in his eyes and us saying we love each other while we do it makes it feel more intimate, so sex from behind although it feels amazing if I'm wanting us to feel more connected I prefer other positions.

There’s no right or wrong in sex as long as both parties are having sex they really want to have with someone they want to have it with. It’s not a competition!

That kind of sex will be the norm for plenty of people, but so will matter-of-fact sex, hot sex, and all levels in between.

One very important point: we don’t actually refer to it between us as ‘making lurve’...that would just be cringey!