How long into a year can one declare it an annus horribilis?

[LazyMareofEastown]

Have just had covid and it absolutely floored me. Today was my first day back at work. Still not feeling right.

No period since late November/early Dec. Genuinely figured I was more likely to be peri than pregi. Have just pissed on a stick and it's positive 😟.

I'm 41. DP is 45. We have two kids each (ages 7 - 13). We don't live together as my mortgaged house is too small for his kids to have their own room and his is rented (and not near my kids Dad and their schools etc). Babies have never been on the agenda.

I'm two years into a fulfilling (if poorly paid) career after almost a decade as a SAHM.

I am sat on the loo feeling totally numb.

Hugs please.

Blimey. What a shock. Take your time to process it. Do you want the baby? You don't have to go down that route if you don't want to.

Yes that qualifies as an annus horribilis - would do even if it was the 2nd Jan.

Nothing to add.

Thanks Bergamot.

I can't have another baby. There are so many practical reasons why it would an appalling idea. Money, housing, our age (and associated risks for a baby).

But there is a tiny sentimental part of me that is thinking about the parallel universe where me and DP are younger and have more money and the idea of having his baby in that universe is lovely. He's a truly wonderful man and the most supportive partner I could wish for.

Have relocated to the sofa with a cup of tea. Still feel numb.

Oh OP you poor thing what a shock. Sending hugs for you whilst you process and mull it all over.

Can you ring your DP now and get him to come to you.
You need support and he is the best person.
What a shock for you both x

Oh sweetheart, take a breath. What a shock for you to have to process. While it's not what you expected, or had planned, there are options so don't feel like you're backed into a corner. You have choices. Drink your tea, breathe and see how you feel when the dust settles a little.

I think it’s so hard when you are in a second marriage situation not to imagine the fairytale “if only” situation. Good luck to you. Definitely a tricky start!!

Bloody hell.

Call him and tell him and take some time to think.

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. At the end of the day bedrooms can be shared but also medical steps can be taken, neither will affect who you are as a mother/person.

DP's on his way over. He's told me to get warm and not to panic and that he loves me and we'll be ok no matter what.

I know that I need to have an abortion. At least it's very early days so can do the pills by post option. This all feels very surreal.

Thanks for the support 💐

This would qualify on any day of the year. I’m glad he’s on his way. And that you have tea. I wouldn’t normally advise a pregnant woman to have a brandy but in the circumstances, I bloody would.

Oh, you poor thing. I can feel your panic through the internet. And absolutely, even if you know perfectly well you can't continue this pregnancy, it's entirely normal to be sad about how you might have been able to in another set of circumstances. Be very kind to yourself. At least your DP sounds like a good egg. Very best wishes.

I'm really glad that you have a supportive partner. Remember to take time and talk through everything. Whatever you do you need to have given yourself every opportunity to discuss it.
Where ever it ends up you need to be kind to yourself.

Couldn't not reply OP. Sending a handhold ❤️

Sending hugs. It will all be ok, it sounds like you've got a wonderful, supportive DP and that will make all the difference. You'll get through it together.

oh love ((hug))

That would definitely be a terrific shock, take your time to come to terms with the shock, do what you need to do, and if you want to keep posting then please do. You're not alone in facing this.

Look after yourself.

Thanks again everyone.

We've had a good chat and lots of hugs. I've had a good cry. DP has gone out to pick up some dinner.

We're both firmly on the same page so I have actually spoken to bpas and someone will be calling me within the next 48 hours to do the initial assessment.

DP will be contacting his GP tomorrow morning to request a referral for a vasectomy.

Just want to get it sorted now. I know that this is the right decision for all of us. It's just bittersweet as well.

I barely slept last night and am like a particularly glum zombie today 😔

Trying hard to remain pragmatic but am having little bursts of emotional (hormonal?) thoughts that are making me feel thoroughly sad.

Just want to get the call from Bpas and get the process started. I feel like I'm in limbo at the moment.

I have the urge to talk to someone other than DP but am not overburdened with friends and not sure my historically difficult relationship with my mother could survive such a revelation.

Am going to throw myself into work today as a distraction.

@LazyMareofEastown

I barely slept last night and am like a particularly glum zombie today 😔

Trying hard to remain pragmatic but am having little bursts of emotional (hormonal?) thoughts that are making me feel thoroughly sad.

Just want to get the call from Bpas and get the process started. I feel like I'm in limbo at the moment.

I have the urge to talk to someone other than DP but am not overburdened with friends and not sure my historically difficult relationship with my mother could survive such a revelation.

Am going to throw myself into work today as a distraction.

Can BPAS (or some other entity) refer you for phone counselling, even if you're just talking about you feel, rather than looking for advice on your decision? I think having an entirely neutral, non-judgemental space to talk about your feelings with someone whose feelings you don't have to consider and whom you won't see again/who isn't personally involved would be useful for you now.

Or seek out a therapist in the longer term.

How are you doing @LazyMareofEastown?
You have been in my thought x