Counselling - how is it different to talking to yourself?

[TrophyWinner]

I've just had my first ever counselling session following DH's death last year.

I didn't find it helpful. I've never done it before and didn't know what to expect or what was expected of me. There were lots of silences where I was expecting conversation to be back and forth until counsellor explained that it's a talking therapy so I should be doing the talking.

I'm a runner and I enjoy a long walk. During that time I'm usually talking to myself (sometimes but not always in my head 😆) which does indeed help me to see things more clearly and is a lot less awkward than taking to someone else.

Is there any additional benefit from counselling sessions and should I carry on and give it more of a chance or am I just as well off going for a walk?

Or do I need a different counsellor?

There are different styles. The one where they listen encouragingly but leave you to decide what to talk about does bugger-all for me - as you say, you can chat to yourself or your dog for that! Other counsellors take more of an active role. Unfortunately it’s a bit trial and error until you find one you click with.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

FWIW I had talking therapy and I hated it. Unfortunately, it was when I was very young (student) and no one explained the process at all to me (!) and I used to end up in tears begging this stupid bloke to tell me what he wanted me to talk about while he murmured 'oh, it can all come from you ... oh, say what you like'. I still think he must have been thick as mince not to be able to tell I was genuinely totally confused.

However, I have subsequently had much more directed therapy that was really helpful, and so have friends of mine. Would it be possible for you to get a recommendation for a good counsellor from someone else? I know a friend who was bereaved got a lot of helpful recommendations from Widowed and Young members.

I could have written your post,

I’m on my 3rd session with a well known bereavement charity and I’m finding her hard work.

Dh also died last year and I’m finding she just doesn’t get where I’m coming from at all. I find she doesn’t understand my anger, depths of despair, how hopeless I feel, keeps forgetting details. And keeps going on about my children, how they must be feeling, I know this, I talk to my children, they have councelling too but it’s my space. I heed to talk about me.

The hospice counseller couldn’t be more different. She gets it, doesn’t judge, has a sense of humour and has a way of turning things round which makes me think.

How can two be so different .

@TrophyWinner

I've just had my first ever counselling session following DH's death last year.

I didn't find it helpful. I've never done it before and didn't know what to expect or what was expected of me. There were lots of silences where I was expecting conversation to be back and forth until counsellor explained that it's a talking therapy so I should be doing the talking.

I'm a runner and I enjoy a long walk. During that time I'm usually talking to myself (sometimes but not always in my head 😆) which does indeed help me to see things more clearly and is a lot less awkward than taking to someone else.

Is there any additional benefit from counselling sessions and should I carry on and give it more of a chance or am I just as well off going for a walk?

Or do I need a different counsellor?

From what I understand is they listen and are ment to just let you figure out your preference for your situation, they are like an echo chamber, for me I always prefer to talk to myself when it's quiet, although I try not to sound to much like I'm odd, but then I presume people just think I'm on a wireless phone call.

Overall talking to myself saves the pennies for the electric or food, ect and I am not limited to e.g. One hour a week ect