feeling down

[Candyss]

hi all,

not sure what I expect from this thread really, some motivation to keep going I guess.

I had my son at 27 weeks a few months ago, he has been hospitalized twice since we left the neonatal unit after catching viruses from my 2 year old.

2 year old is I suspect ill again and I am terrified. both the other two times my son stopped breathing and I had to revive him.

I have had an unexpected bill arrive that I will struggle to pay. I dont go anywhere other than hospitals. my 2 year old constantly wants to feed when I'm trying to feed my son so I feel totally touched out.

life just feels relentless and overwhelming.

I am already taking sertraline. baby often doesn't give in to sleep until 1/2 and wakes every 2 hours and is very unsettled then the 2 year old is up for the day by half 6 so I am also knackered.

does it ever get better :(

Are you tandem feeding?

yes but really not through choice. my toddler weaned when I was pregnant and hasnt left me alone since my son was born and milk came back in. when I say no she screams and tantrums

which doesn't help my sleep deprived, fragile emotional state

Oh my gosh this sounds really hard. Things will get better do you have anyone who can help you? Maybe look after your 2 year old a bit to give you a break?

Yes it will get better. You are in the hardest part. It might look like a mountain but even if you just take two steps up it you are closer to the top. And it will all be worth it. You also don't have to climb it alone. Any friends or family who could help? Do you have a partner? Take any help you can, spend time with others. Look how far you have come and everything you have already been through. You are one very, very strong mama. You can do this and you will.

I just feel like I cant even relax during the day because I am constantly watching my son for any sign that he is turning blue again.

my partner works 6 day weeks. all of my friends and family work monday to Friday. I'm scared to take my son anywhere atm after him catching stuff constantly since we have been out. I think that's also a major part of the problem. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to, I never leave this house. I cannot sit down without the toddler pouncing on me wanting to feed and then I go to bed and get woken up constantly throughout the night by the baby. I co slept with the toddler for the first year so on the whole my sleep was pretty good. nurses and health visitor adamant this isnt an option for son as he was premature.

just feel so low/bored/anxious/panicky on repeat.

worried about money too as maternity pay as I'm sure most know starts day after baby is born so my first 4 months of that was spent with him in hospital so I will have to go back sooner and I am nowhere near ready. how can I leave him with anyone else atm? it seems nuts to me to even be a possibility right now. he is on home oxygen atm too

Hi, I don’t have much to offer I’m sorry except maybe you could ask at the CAB (if you’re in the uk) about benefits to help; you might be able to get dla for your son which might help you stay at home for him? Depending on your circumstances you might also then be eligible for carers allowance. Just looking at the practical side. It will get better though, you will get through this x

Oh OP. I hear you.

My daughter was prem and the pregnancy was really tricky too. In total, between us, we did 100 nights in hospital (60 of those or some such were mine). I became hyper vigilant and just could not relax. I couldn’t even sleep as I felt I had to watch DD at all times. I ended up being referred for trauma counselling, which helped massively. Might there be availability for this through the team at your neonatal unit?

In terms of sleeping, because your baby would’ve been fed to a schedule in NICU (and I’m guessing at 3-4 hour intervals to prevent blood sugar dropping) it can be so much harder for them to sleep, I think. This was something I experienced with DD. The less sleep I had, the greater my anxiety and the more panicky I felt.

I also had money worries when my daughter was born as my now ex husband had been dismissed from his job when I was newly pregnant but didn’t tell me… I had to find out… but yeah. My reserves were empty and everything seemed joyless and insurmountable.

Is there any way your partner could take a couple of days of annual leave so you can get some rest between feeds? Maybe at a weekend? Would your toddler cope with being at a relative’s for a few hours?

I really feel for you as I remember well how unending and exhausting the added stress of prematurity, re-admissions and financial worries was. Sending and congratulations on your baby. It may not seem like it just now, but you’re keeping both little ones fed and cared for. You just need to find a way to ‘fit your own oxygen mask’ first.