Please help me devise a routine - work, baby and preschooler

[Workin8til6]

I’m just about to go back to work and starting to wonder how we will manage. Well, me really. I’m worried about fitting everything in.

Baby is 9 months and preschooler is just turned 3. They are at nursery Tuesday, Thursday and Friday and my mum is having them on a Wednesday but I have arranged to WFH that day so I can help her out occasionally if the baby is hard to settle for naps etc. We cannot afford for me to go part time so I’ve compressed my hours to work full time over Tuesday-Friday but I can generally be flexible with when I do things. On Mondays I will be off with both kids.

DH has been given an opportunity to do some paid training which will eventually lead to a promotion and basically his dream job. However it is basically on top of his full time job and he will also regularly have to commute to the training site which is 1.5 hours away. We have agreed together for him to do this and it will have an overall benefit on his career and for our family but in the short term it basically means everything else will have to fall to me. He will do drop offs and pick ups when he can but I can’t rely on him to do these as his training will vary week to week. He will also often have to do coursework and exam prep in the evenings and weekends. The training is for 2 years 😬

Can’t afford a cleaner. Both DCs have complex allergies so they take lunchboxes to nursery. Baby is breastfed and I’m up 4-5 times a night. Have to keep up with all the laundry etc. And need to fit my work hours in obviously. I really need a weekly routine of some sort to help me feel like I can do this! Please help!

Bumping for evening people!

My advice is to set up a spreadsheet and create a timetable. Mark the fixed things whose timings cannot be changed - for example work hours and pick ups and drop offs. Then mark the times you need for meals and food prep.You should then have some time left over for household jobs and everything else. If you have high standards now is the time to lower them, if things overlap you then now is the time to organise cover. There are going to be things you want to do and those you have to do - you will need to be flexible. You can then transfer all the timings to your phone and set reminders so you don't have to mentally remember everything. You can do this - good luck

I guess you can just be as organised as possible in terms of meals - plan and batch cook at the weekends so you've essentially got a weeks worth of "ready" meals to save you time during the week.

In terms of cleaning can you just keep on top of the bare minimum eg do the dishes etc during the week and leave anything bigger to the weekend - guess you run the risk of burning out especially when you're still up a lot in the night and then full time work over 4 days - you do still really need to allow yourself some rest when you can otherwise none of its sustainable longerterm...? When you're WFH on the weds you'll need breaks from the screen so could throw a load of laundry round etc ?

Sorry I've probably not been helpful. We're struggling with x1 DC and I'm working part time so I'm probably not the best to offer advice! Hopefully someone with more experience comes along to share some wisdom for you

Off the top of my head

. Robot hoover if you can afford one, mine was a genuine lifesaver when DH was doing similar for a couple of years.
. Simplify meals - I’d do a really basic fortnightly meal plan of simple bits and pieces, on my longer days I’d do a slow cooker lasagna, chilli that you can stretch over a couple of days, don’t cook more days than you need to if that makes sense. Appreciate it may be tricky with DC having allergies to find so something that may fit the bill.
. The organised mum for housework.
. Outfits for nursery on hangers -) hanger per outfit and socks pegged onto the hangers and do a full weeks worth at a time. Saves the morning panic of scrambling for outfits (and socks…)

If I think of anything else you can embed into routine I’ll post it, I think a big part of it is dropping standards and accepting you won’t ever be on top of everything.

@milkieway thanks, I had wondered about trying to just “survive” during the weeks and doing the bare minimum but I worry then about having loads to do at the weekend. If DH has coursework or exams then I’m still going to have to be the one watching the kids and I can get next to nothing done with them in tow. Maybe I need to get better at doing chores when I’m with them… but the only way I can at the moment is to just put the telly on and then I feel bad.

@TheBakedPototo the outfit tip is great thank you. I will start that this week.

I think maybe I need a regular day for changing bed linen, washing towels etc as otherwise I might never get round to it. I suppose I could embed that within TOMM for cleaning. Should also probably have a regular food delivery slot but I find meal planning so hard due to allergies etc and also I try to plan but then never get round to making what I was meant to make and the kids just eat pasta and we eat random freezer food 😐

Double jobs are key, bear with me- you’ll prob do most of this but as you make toast, empty dishwasher. When you go upstairs do not go empty handed. Get one child fully ready before the next and agree with clothes on hangers above. Put hoover over while dinner in oven. Batchcook i know this is hard with allergies but honestly v important to you have some time. Do NOT feel bad about putting telly on- they have been stimulated at nursery all day, it’s ok to watch something while you have a cup of tea. Lower standards. Whatever can’t be done by 8.30/9 pm do not do- you need an hour to yourself at the end of day. Sorry none of this is life changing but just things that help me. Oh and also keep reminding yourself it will get easier as they get bigger!

I was going to say look at the organised mum method for housework, pp beat me to it. I don't do everything she says but I do something from the list every day and it does work. It'll keep your weekends more free so you can batch cook, or even relax! Make sure you get a catch up sleep at the weekend!

Gosh that’s a lot to take on OP. For 2 years! My initial rather random thought was: how close by does your mum live, and could she help you more regularly for less time, rather than do a chunk of childcare once a week? I appreciate you’ve worked it all out with nursery etc … but sounds like what you need is frequent time to do bitty jobs (like the packed lunches and keeping up with cleaning). And as amazing as it is that your mum is doing a whole day of childcare, I wonder whether you could do nursery for that day and see if your mum could do a half day at your house on your day off, and/or could she do a pick up or two for you? Just a thought.
That working from home day you have: bet it would be amazing if you had the house empty whilst you wfh, to run around a bit and do odd jobs during lunch break for example.

This sounds intense OP but good for you and your DH for taking the long view and getting on it with training, work, etc.
I think one of the biggest things would be getting sleep sorted. One thing to consider (and dismiss perhaps) is getting strict on night wakings and possibly stopping breastfeeding if your 9mo is feeding for comfort in the night. Would a dummy help? You may feel that breastfeeding is nutritionally and from a bonding perspective v important in which case you should carry on, but I'm putting it out there to give you 'permission' to consider it.

Given the children have a lunchbox at nursery then can you spend on Cook / Ella's kitchen / other ready meals for them and alternate in beans on toast or whatever or other plain hot meals? Don't worry about masses of variety - until the 90s most families ate the same few meals on repeat (mince, potatoes, onions, veg).

Just some suggestions - take or leave of course

Lots of great tips thank you.
@Aleciahartismyhero that’s a good idea I think I’m going to have a 9pm cut off. 9-10pm will be my time come hell or high water! Then I have to be strict about a 10pm bedtime I think because the baby is up allll night long and regularly wakes at 5.30am 😐 at the moment my DH takes over and I get to sleep until 7am but once training starts he will regularly have to leave the house at 7am so I guess that will have to end!

@Indecisivelurcher I will definitely make a weekend lie in non-negotiable. Even if DH has coursework etc I will try to make sure I get a DO NOT DISTURB until 9am one day. And a bath on my own one evening where no children end up joining me!

@Popskipiekin my mum is about 15 mins away fortunately. We were doing the one day a week childcare as a temporary trial, for several reasons I’m not sure if it will work out. It was going to be a way to save on nursery fees and it will be good while baby is still so little but longer term I think it might be worth doing what you suggest. The problem is though if the kids do 4 days in nursery it’s only about £60 a month more for them to go full time as there’s a 12% discount for FT places. So if you do 4 days you may as well do 5. That’s the dream really 😂 because then I could use my day off to do all the housework and admin etc while they’re in nursery. But I would feel too guilty sending them every day when they don’t have to really.

@WineIsMyCarb unfortunately one of baby’s allergies is CMPA so she can’t have cows milk or regular formula. We have started the milk ladder with little success as she gets horrendous eczema even when I reintroduce dairy into my diet. She also does not take a bottle 😐 And the alternative prescription milks for under 1s are foul and usually rejected by babies unless they are started on them very early. I think from age 1 she can have oat milk so at that point I might think about night weaning. But at the moment breastmilk is her only “dairy” and she also cannot have eggs so I’m keen to BF for as long as I can hack it.

Ah that’s great your mum is so close by.

Completely take your point about not wanting to put DC in for 5 days. However … I will just drop into the mix what has taken me a long time to realise, which is that if by sending my DC to one extra after school care session per week or extending their time at holiday clubs allows me to get everything done and therefore focus 100% on them whilst they are at home, this is so much nicer for all of us than having them at home more but having to do jobs when they’re around (and having to put them in front of screens to do so, and/or say I can’t play with them because I’m busy). Don’t let go of that 5 day per week dream if you think it could work for you - it could mean your downtime with them is so much more enjoyable.
Good luck with it all!

That’s a good point @Popskipiekin it would be nice not to have to worry about getting stuff done with them underfoot and just being able to focus on them. However I do really feel like I have to try and save the nursery fees, it makes a big difference for my eldest especially due to the fact that her 3 days can be covered to a large extent by her 3 yr old funding (although not entirely). I’d pay more for the extra 2 days than I do for the first 3 if that makes sense. But I guess if the day with my mum doesn’t work out then they’ll have to go 4 days and then they may as well go 5.

I know you said you can’t afford a cleaner but maybe look into getting one every two weeks or once a month to get you on top of things - we pay £13 an hour and it’s worth every penny!

I favour doing the laundry in one batch. Ours goes on after work on a Friday and is all done and put away by Sunday night. If you don't have enough vests or socks for this to work, buy more of them!

For getting out of the house, we designed our routine round minimising moving the children around the house, and in particular up and down stairs. So dressed and hair brushed in rooms, then down to the kitchen for breakfast with excellent bibs, then into downstairs loo to brush teeth. If that means they have 2 toothbrushes each, fine.

I would put the children on a v simple weekly menu. Ham sandwiches Mon and Tues, cheese weds etc. You're not signing them up to monotony forever, it's just a simplification for now. You can always swap things out later.

We did beans on toast for the kids and ready meals for us on our busiest evening.

It's good that your mum is being clear about what she needs from you.

We picked up one of those 5 drawer plastic sets for each of them (think they’re about 20 in b and q). Every Sunday night I put their daily outfits for the week into the drawers. It saves so much faffing around in the morning trying to find everything and my 2 year old knows now how it works and gets her clothes out of the drawer!

@FreeFrenchHens good idea I think a general weekly meal plan at least for the kids would be good. We all have fairly restricted diets due to allergies so really I should just give myself permission to serve the same stuff every week but I feel pressure to give variety and get kids to try new things etc. Maybe food can vary, if DH has a particularly busy week with training then the kids can have their standard menu and I will either eat with them or we can have ready meals/freezer food. If he has more time then he can cook something different or more interesting for us but my default for busy weeks will be stuff I don’t have to think about.