How do I act like an adult with my parents when I was abused as a child?

[FiftyAndTrying]

My childhood was far from perfect. My dad was a religious violent nut, my mum was in his thrall and also did some nutty stuff. They probably meant well but whatever.

We've had ups and downs over the years, never plain sailing really but now they're both getting elderly and frail.

I kind of think I should be helping them - after all they kept me alive - but at the same time when I'm doing stuff for them I just feel sort of angry and unhappy.

I don't want to leave them to rot. But I can't pretend they were good parents even though we never talk about that. What can I do?

My dad in particular is failing. He's definitely an old man. So he doesn't act aggressive any more, but I think that's just because he doesn't have the physical clout to back up aggression, and to be honest it makes me despise him.

I know this makes me a bad person! Help!

It really doesn't make you a bad person. Have you had counselling to help you process what you went through?

Surprised you would still bother with them OP, if the best thing you can say is they kept you alive they don’t deserve your time

What can I do?

Find them a half decent care home.

Protest yourself and your own energy first and foremost whatever that looks like.

I had an awful abusive childhood. My mum died younger than my father but when it came to him needing help , I couldn't bring myself to do it and I didn't feel bad at all.
Step away it will do you no good in the long run trust me. Let them get on with it and don't pretend everything is OK. Contact adult social services if you feel you need to do something other than that walk away .

I don't think many of the posts here have been helpful tbh OP.
I understand your situation.
You need to reconcile that your situation is what it is. You would benefit from counselling to take you through a process of forgiveness and let go of bitterness that you feel towards them.
They were I daresay, victims themselves of their circumstances.
You have to let go of the hurt and disappointment of not receiving the love you should have had from parents.
I would just see it as not having expectations of them but do whatever you can do, within reason, to help them
You need to have some boundaries in place though so you aren't taken advantage of.