How do you deal with an argument like this?

[Lipity]

I genuinely want to know because I feel like my head is all over the place.

A new partner did something which, I think, if you polled 100 people 99 out of them would say was unkind/not the way to treat someone.

Rather than let it simmer I sent them a message to say, look I understand why this has happened but I’d like you to know this has actually upset me, if I don’t say something it will fester but I don’t like being treated like that.

They have come back to say “well your message has actually really upset me and I don’t think you’re being fair, I don’t think we should talk again today”

I’m so confused. I’ve gone over and over it and I don’t think I’m in the wrong. It seems like such a bizarre message to send back. If I were them I would have sent back a “I’m sorry I know I could have been better/done this instead, I hope you’re ok”

The fact they’ve just gone on the defensive and batted it back to me is worrying me

You never should have sent a text message to resolve something that's bothering you. You're an adult, have a real conversation.

If they've done something that crosses a line and they don't care, end it. Don't waste any more time because you're clearly not compatible.

Well if you've upset them because they don't think you're being fair, they probably did the best thing by suggesting no more talk that day.

Otherwise it's likely to just escalate.

You are both entitled to be upset. You both think you’re in the right. If it’s an early relationship, this sounds like a lot of hassle which you might want to ask yourself if it’s worth it?

You wanted them to apologise for hurting your feelings.

They didn’t. Presumably as they don’t think they’re wrong.

Wait and see what happens next, then decide what to do.

It's very vague. We don't know what the first offense is, whether it's reasonable and whether it reflects upon the persons character enough that your message is utterly pointless? (All of the examples of things I can bring to mind where 99/100 would say it's unkind are things like, cheating, standing someone up with no notice, humiliating someone, laughing cruelly at someone- those kind of actions where they reflect upon one's character enough that actually, they're probably shit on many levels and reasoned apology is wildly unlikely)

I'd end the relationship at this point.

It's a new partner - whatever they've done, you think 99/100 people would find it unkind. Clearly you found it unkind and told them.

Their response is to turn it on you and make out they are the victim. I'd be done with them. Massive red flag. Block and move on.

I'd end the relationship too. You don't like their behaviour. They've responded to say you shouldn't talk again today. They've not acknowledged their error. No apology. Just turning the issue around on to you and making it your problem.

It's clearly a new relationship. Don't waste your time.