Allegations of bullying can be made very casually and can be very damaging for career women

[Gumbootsfunboots]

There was an article in The Times this morning that quoted the Duchess of Sussex’s lawyer, discussing allegations of bullying.

In general, are accusations of bullying made too casually? Do career women particularly provoke such accusations? Are accusations of bullying more damaging to career women than men?

I hope the article will tell us once it's written.

In my view it’s often the opposite. People generally don’t want to make trouble. By the time you get to accusations of bullying your turnover will be through the roof and morale on the floor. It’s generally not the first step people take when they have an issue, everyone knows it’s a bit of a nuclear option in a workplace.

???

Sorry - that was meant as a ??? to @PermanentTemporary. The article was in The Times this morning.

@myyellowcar Would that be true of all workplace cultures?

Are women more likely to be accused than men?

Women are far more likely to be accused of bullying for displaying the same behaviours that in a man would be viewed positively.

On MN anybody who gets pulled up at work for not doing their job properly is being bullied. Or who sees a group of workmates chatting and not including them.
So yes, if MN is representative of real life, I'd say the word itself is becoming meaningless

I've only come across one real case of bullying in my career of 30 years. It was truly horrendous behaviour which I've never seen before from a man or a woman (this was a woman).

… and if it doesn’t meet the legal definition of bullying (as given in the article): ‘… improperly using power repeatedly and deliberately to hurt someone, physically and emotionally’, then does it matter that people use the term casually?

Is it a meaningless / harmless word?

@17CherryTreeLane

I've only come across one real case of bullying in my career of 30 years. It was truly horrendous behaviour which I've never seen before from a man or a woman (this was a woman).

Were complaints of bullying upheld?

@Gumbootsfunboots yes they were

I’ve had two formal bullying complaints put in against me. One by a woman, one by a man.

I won both. Mud sticks though, I have a rather fierce reputation now. Interesting how many people say “I thought you were awful before I knew you” ie the rumour mill had got to them

@Lipity. I am sorry you had to go through that (but it is good that people can see the other side now that they know you).

Did you find that having more than one complaint was giving off a whiff of ‘no smoke without fire’? Will future complaints be treated as vexatious?

I've seen this done maliciously to a colleague at work. Pulled in front of HR, the lot. It was pure scheming and manipulation and frankly has destroyed morale in the workplace. Particularly annoyed about it because she has really worked her way up from nothing, and is actually one of the nicest, most supportive people you could wish to meet.

The second complaint (from the woman) was treated as vexatious.

I think that once people think you’re a bully they end up looking for behaviour they can label bullying.

ie Giving a staff member feedback about the amount of time they spend on their phone during work. Perfectly reasonable, documented and delivered in a calm manner. X feels like you are bullying them!

You sound philosophical about it @Lipity … but it also sounds like whoever made the complaint could see what was going on.

@MrsGhastlyCrumb is your colleague ok now? Why did it destroy morale? What do you think provoked it?

Sorry @lipity, I meant ‘whoever handled the complaint’.

I'm a bit on the fence. In regards to women I think sometimes the work is chucked around too easily and quickly- behaviour which is clearly not bullying gets labelled that way by people who are just incapable of being given instructions, or directed when not performing. I also think though at times it's underreported and viewed as 'juts a joke' when it's sustained and personal.

It’s such a difficult subject @SD1977, and I can see the plausibility in what @myyellowcar says further up. We have all probably seen something of both sides.

I remember leaving a job because two older women gave me such a hard time (eye-rolling/ snorting when I spoke etc.) - I didn’t like it, so I left. I can’t think of how else I could have handled it other than tried to be the kind of person that doesn’t attract that sort of behaviour!

Another job I had, I was accused of bullying and it went through HR. The complaint wasn’t upheld, and the complainant actually left the country after that. It later transpired that he had made allegations of bullying against female managers in all of his previous jobs (all in the same borough and none of them upheld). I found the experience deeply traumatising and have avoided any kind of management role ever since.

I do wonder about whether women are more likely to receive complaints, though. There must be statistics on it.