How to set this as a goal?

[Ieatmarmite]

One of my goals for 2022 is to stop being such a people pleaser.

How can I make this into a SMART goal? I know that goals are much more achievable when they can be divided into smaller sub-goals. I don't know how to divide this up in any meaningful way.

Are there specific situations that come up all the time, maybe being asked for lifts, childcare at inconvenient times but you normally do them anyway?

How uncomfortable does saying "no" make you? Should the initial goal be getting to the point where you can say no without excusing or explaining yourself?

Not necessarily making it smart but you could make smaller goals that align with the main one.

• think through some appropriate one liners so you don't Automatically say yes (that's really interesting, I'll have a think and let you know if I'm able to help or not)
• read The Yes Woman by Grace Jennings-Edquist (set a date for completion and it's a smart goal)
• Set a date and time for yourself to think through and write down specific boundaries for yourself that will enrich your life, protect your time.
• consider what other you goals/passions you have and would like to explore or pursue and set aside dedicated time for that which you protect against requests from others

I hate SMART goals so I am sorry cant help with that.

But overall I find I only people please when I am being insecure or unconfident about something. Its not so much learning how not to people please - because then you are just fighting a constant battle with yourself trying to do something IYSWIM.

Its about genuinely learning to not give a fuck - either by being confident in yourself or deciding you dont give a fuck what people think of you.

Agree with @Sparklfairy that you need to identify specific situations where you are doing stuff you don't want to do and work out strategies for dealing with them/ pre-empt them. Sometimes pre-emptive strikes are the easiest way to establish boundaries. I am always on the look out for mutually beneficial arrangements so if I know one of my DC is doing a sport with a number of other local kids I'll quickly establish a WhatsApp group to say "anyone interested in a lift share?" i.e. no CF need apply.

www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412

When someone asks for a favor, tell them you need some time to think about it. Saying "yes" right away can leave you feeling obligated and overcommitted, but taking your time to respond to a request can give you the time to evaluate it and decide if it's something you really want to do. Before you make a decision, ask yourself:

How much time will this take?
Is this something I really want to do?
Do I have time to do it?
How stressed am I going to be if I say "yes?"
Research has also found that even a short pause before making a choice increases decision-making accuracy.8 By giving yourself a moment, you'll be better able to accurately decide if it is something you have the desire and time to take on.