Anyone else not doing things for fear of doing it 'wrong' or not 'perfectly'?

[HelloNope]

Hi,

I'm just sitting here thinking we really need to repaint the living room. There's lots of dirty toddler fingerprints on the white walls, a red wine spill, some crayon marks etc!

I then thought that I should do it, then immediately that I would probably do it wrong and make a mistake so then I won't bother. I've been like this all my life with many aspects, I don't try because I don't want to get it wrong.

Even though it's painting a wall!

Sometimes I have had the occasional belief that I could do something; and then I get it wrong so I guess that reinforces it....

I used to. But then I realised that sometimes doing an average job is absolutely fine, the world won’t end, and it’s better to do something than nothing at all

Btw, instead of repainting right away, get some bleach and hot water and sponge down the marks, you’ll be surprised at how much comes off

@ShirleyPhallus I need to think more like you. I put myself off doing things because they won't be perfect (IMO) but life isn't perfect.
I'm also highly critical of myself! So annoying!

I'll try that idea tonight!

All the time. I mean, I even procrastinated about getting the woman next door a present for her baby because I was sure I'd choose the wrong thing. I hate being seen to be wrong and I'm constantly second guessing every choice I make.

I heard a phrase the other day- if something is worth doing, it's worth doing badly. (Because this is better than not doing it at all!) also - perfect is the enemy of good.

Embrace being 'good enough'. I'm shit at taking my own advice though, so am exactly the same as you!

OP yes I am exactly like this - to the extent that I also won't paint a wall in our lounge that desperately needs doing because I'm so sure I'll mess it up. At work I obviously do things because I have to, but constantly think I've done a rubbish job and am just waiting to be 'found out'. It has definitely held me back in life and in my career.

@PleasantBirthday I can sympathise with this so much! I was 2 weeks late in getting a friends newborn some gifts as I spent ages looking.
Sometimes I don't bother doing things and I think people assume I'm just a twat.

I think I'm more anxious that I ever realised.

Today I lost my ticket that they give you to pay for your parking at the end of your shop, and I had tears in my eyes at how shit I was for losing it and how I shouldn't have bothered coming out, and just done an online shop!

@Clarabellawilliamson It's so nice to speak to people who understand.

I just want to be good at everything I do,but instead I'm rubbish because I never try. And sometimes trying = practice = getting good at it. Fml.

@pinkpip100 Maybe we should paint each other's lounges? Haha.
I was the same at work too.
How can we stop this? I'm wondering if it's due to upbringing ?

I am like this. Is it a personality thing or something from childhood? I put off doing too many things for this reason.

God no, take the bill by the horns.

Although, I do sometimes feel like I’m dragging DP people through life rather than them enjoying it with me.

I’ve repainted the living room every year, so it it’s liberating.

Typos, yikes.

Bill = bull

So = do

Na, I don't try because I can't be arsed. I'm generally very lazy. I really annoy myself actually.

There's no point being a perfectionist if your perfectionism is preventing you from actually doing the things you want to be perfect at all, though.

Someone who was doing her doctorate at the same time as me (and doing it rather faster!) used to say 'Perfect is nice. Done is best.'

I've still not done my tax return. Wouldn't take me long, it's not that difficult and I've got months and months to do it and I've STILL not done it!

I am like this, I have been all my life. Recently I had a breakdown, this holding myself to impossible standards was one of the things that was causing me problems and severe anxiety. I’ve had two lots of CBT and several months of talking therapy. It’s helped massively. I still have high standards but am really working on when good is good enough and recognising when high standards probably are or aren’t appropriate!

For me its also lazyness rather than thinking i will do it wrong. And some things are just meant to be done by professionals. Id rather not paint a wall myself than putting myself out there and just try, because if its not perfect it will just look terrible. Ive seen lots of painted walls where it was very obvious that it was a diy job.. no thanks! Know your limits!

This type of procrastination is based in anxiety. There are lots of different approaches you could try.

There is the 'Just The Tip' approach, so when you need to do something but are paralysed by procrastination, just do a tiny bit. If you need to clean the oven but you can't get the motivation, just clean the outside of the door, or just one tray. That action will usually lead to you thinking 'Wow, this isn't so bad!' And wanting to continue, but if it doesn't then just do your tiny bit and leave it for a while. Do another tiny bit later, then another, and eventually it'll all be done. If you need to declutter your wardrobe, just do one drawer, or toss one item. Eventually it'll get done, let go of the 'all or nothing' thinking.

There's also the 'Just Do It' approach where you... just do it. Don't give yourself any time to think about it, don't start to plan, just take immediate and swift action. If I'm lying in bed thinking of all my jobs and I can feel my procrastination kicking in I think 'just do it!', jump up and start throwing my clothes on as though there's a fire. Once I'm up I feel fine, the immediacy and urgent feelings kick-start your body to act.

For this type of anxiety and procrastination the problem is starting. You're ok once you get going, you just can't start because it feels overwhelming and pointless. So these methods help to get over that initial speed bump.

Perfectionism is the enemy of good enough, but an enabler of procrastination

My sister is like this: she won’t do something unless she does it “properly”, however she defines that. She does also suffer from anxiety and depression and is unbelievably hard on herself. I don’t know where it comes from but my mum is very similar. She can’t let even an small mistake in a conversation or story go uncorrected 🙄 bloody annoying to talk with her.

I try to approach these things as a learning opportunity. I might well make a total arse of painting a wall… but it won’t be the end of the world and next time I do it I’ll be better at it. And eventually I’ll have painted so many, and made so many mistakes, and learned from them, that I’ll be an expert! Or I’ll have given up and paid someone else to do it 😂

Me,